h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

“Heidi, you really have no choice”, Agent Grant smiled gently, holding out her hands for the baby.

“There must be, surely..a mistake...please?” Heidi begged the other woman.

Behind them, one of the heavily armed, and armoured, DDV squad coughed awkwardly and flipped the screen, he hated it when they begged.

“Heidi Waite, by the Authority of the Dishonesty, Deviance and Violence Laws, we have determined this subject to be capable of murder, and, as such, the penalty is death. You have one minute to hand the subject into our custody, or lethal force will be employed.”

Four weapons were cocked noisily to punctuate his point.

“Time to say goodbye Heidi, don't worry, we'll look after him now”, another gentle smile.

“But he's only a baby! Please!”

Heidi held the child to her breast, mother's instincts seeking to protect him, even though she knew there was no protection to be offered.

Six months old, and the child's own DNA had already sentenced him to death.

She kissed him gently, her tears wetting his face, then, as any good citizen would, handed him over to the Agent.

“Please, be….” She struggled to find the words, “Don't let him …”

“Heidi, I promise, he'll be treated with respect, thank you for your cooperation, this is a copy of our findings and the verdict."

Heidi gave her thumbprint, acknowledging the fact that she understood her son had been scanned, and that she further understood that he had been positively identified (99.8% probability) to be genetically capable of future Violence (namely Homicide) and that she gave the State her permission to protect Society from future harm, by any means deemed necessary.

The baby cried all the way to the transport.

Agent Grant grimaced, unconsciously touching her belly, praying her own tests would be normal, as she heard the Squad Leader radio in that they had 'another DDV for the shredders”.

In the mid twenty first century Law Enforcement stumbled upon one of the greatest discoveries Society had ever known.

DNA testing was nothing new, but the desire for humanity to research it's genealogy had given birth to the Universal Genetic Database. Amniocentesis, Chorionic villus testing, barcoding and profiling, had already solved long dead cases, been instrumental in settling paternity cases and bringing those to justice who had left the merest spec of themselves at long forgotten crime scenes.

Research over the decades had isolated the DDV genome, that particular marker in a strand that indicated criminal proclivities. Could a criminal couple give birth to a law abiding citizen? Balance of Probabilities scanning millions of people in the UGD said, yes, of course!

But could a child born from law abiding citizens grow up to be a criminal?
Again, research showed, yes, of course!

But why? Generations of genetic researchers pondered and probed the question and, after several centuries, finally identified the DDV strand.

All crime, all, boiled down to the genetic propensity towards Dishonesty, Deviance and/or Violence.

Any such DDV marker with a 99.5% probability of higher was deemed to be a threat to Society. Convicted criminals were DNA screened 100% showed the DDV marker, then detained suspects accused of crime were screened 99.8% showed the marker.

A leap in worldwide crime statistics brought in a hard right government, running on the promise of ‘tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime, tough on those born to commit crime!’

The One-Eighty Bill was passed. Every newborn was to be screened prior to six months after birth. 180 days proven to be the optimal time span for the DDV strand to present accurately.

At first, these infants were taken into care, anyone with a 95% probability was locked away from society. Care homes became breeding grounds for more violent offenders, criminality flourished, three percent were taken back into citizenry, Society wasted valuable resources on those that could not be rehabilitated.

A few short years later, and the revised 180 DDV Laws imposed the death penalty for all subjects scanning at 99.7% or above.

Crime rates dwindled over a generation, bottomed out at 0.1% over the next three, ceased altogether in the next.

DDV Squads worked around the clock, eradicating criminals whilst they were still in diapers.

Society had finally rid the earth of crime, citizens prospered, all was well.

3.

Rain bounced off the sidewalk as the girl hurried into the doorway. Gaudy neon painted the backstreets red and green.

At any other time in the city's history, the sound of the rain would be drowned out by police sirens in such a neighbourhood, not so tonight, or any other night.

Pushing open the doors, the pregnant girl shook off the rain as best she could and smiled nervously at the bearded guy behind the counter.

“Hi, erm, I have an appointment with erm” fishing out a damp post-it, “With Doctor Renée?” She placed the note, alongside a pile of hundred dollar bills. President Trump smiling goofily up at the beard.

“Old school cash! Cold, hard Donald's! Let me guess….180 Dodger?” Cracked teeth showed through the beard in what she presumed was a grin.

“Dr. Renée? Or am I taking Donald home?” She reached for the bills.

Beardy scooped up the cash and shouted over his shoulder. “Renée! Get out here man, you gotta customer!”

Forty minutes later Agent Grant slumped into her chair, the screen glowing green in her darkened living room.

She took another gulp of wine, ashamed at herself for consuming alcohol so far into her pregnancy, but resigned to the fact that now it really didn't matter.

She threw the tablet onto the coffee table and went to bed.

In the gloom, green figures glowed ominously.

*DDV probability 99.8%*

I always suspected babies of harboring evil proclivities .

4.

“Okay people, Listen up!” Captain Woods waited for his Agents to quieten down before reading the day's duties.

Looking at the screen he shook his head, gonna be a busy shift.

“Sector One, Team Alpha, Rodgers Lead Agent. Sector Two, Team Bravo, Estevez Lead Agent. Sector Four, Team Charlie, welcome back Morris, Lead Agent. Sector Six, Team Delta, Grant, you're Lead.”

The team leaders made faces at each other, each good-naturedly mocking the others workloads and designated areas, acknowledging the return from sick leave of their colleague.

“Busy day ahead people, forty-seven EBs, transports are waiting and Reception Centres have been notified. Grant, Delta; be aware lethal force was required yesterday in your Sector, father refused to hand over his EB, things got s little messy, so softly, softly out there eh?”

Grant nodded her thanks for the heads up, she'd already heard the locker room gossip about the multiple shootings.

“Okay people, that's all, let's go round up some Evil Babies!”

5.

“Mr. Yamada, I'm Agent Grant, may we come in please?”

The householder smiled and bowed slightly.

“Please Agent Grant, come in.” He smiled again, “I would normally request that guests remove their footwear but” he gestured at the heavily laced combat boots, “I believe that may take quite some time!”

“Thank you Sir, and, yes, they are a little cumbersome!”

Grant and her team entered the beautiful little apartment, tastefully furnished in the old oriental style. She shook her head as the man politely offered her tea and set herself to perform her duty.

“May we speak to your wife, and, please, have her bring the infant?”

Yamada called out in Japanese and his wife emerged from what was presumably the bedroom area, she too bowed slightly and smiled a welcome.

Grant cleared her throat and read from the screen.

“Mr and Mrs Yamada, by the Authority of the Dishonesty, Deviance and Violence Laws, we have determined this subject to be capable of murder, and, as such, the penalty is death. You have one minute to hand the subject into our custody, or lethal force will be employed”

“Please Agent Grant, there will be no need for force, we will cooperate” he smiled to his wife and motioned for her to obey the Agent's demand.

Grant breathed a sigh of relief, these decent folk had enough heartache to face without her adding to their troubles.

Relief vanished as Mrs Yamada emerged from the bedroom, carrying a child in each arm.

“Allow me to introduce my boys, Agent Grant, we have been blessed with identical twins, now you just have to choose which will be the killer, my wife and I will give him over peacefully, but you must decide which baby you will take!”

6.

*Monozygotic twins. Yamada 86745/A & 86745/B. Males. DNA almost identical but differs marginally post-partum, further differences develop as the twins are exposed to their respective environments.

The 180 DDV test is conclusive for twin A, the elder by four and one half minutes. 99.76% probability of homicidal capabilities, death sentence approved.

Twin B has trace DDV indicators, comparable with the average law abiding citizen. No further action necessary.

Agency is required to seize and process Yamada 86745A immediately.

Society is unwilling to wait until DDV genomes show marked differences and the inherent risk increases.*

Grant read the instructions from HQ, great help!

“Mr. Yamada, can you please point out the older twin, just so we can take him away and feed him to the shredders?”

Yup, that'd work.

“Mrs. Yamada, can we hang around until the twins are toddlers and one suddenly starts strangling people?”

Grant was stumped. Toss a coin?

Balance of Probabilities after all...50% chance of killing the right twin?

But the wrong choice?

An innocent death, murder or manslaughter, something which she and every other citizen was genetically incapable of committing!

She sat in the transport, rubbing her stomach and wishing her own child could get a chance to flip a coin

And that's my November task sorted!

Last November or next November?

Balance of Probabilities says this coming Nov for nanowrimo (unless I get the time machine onnthe garage working again lol)

Bones of a story here, thanks for reading paul

*breathes out*

That was very near the knuckle. Where DO you get your ideas?

This one was washed by a teatime debate regarding nature and nurture..

How can started be autofilled to washed? Lol

In some ineffable way, your story gave me an idea for a story.

[ to start writing]

Contagious beasties are ideas!

Don't get me started. They can say what they want but I can see no debate necessary on the subject of nature vs nurture.

I think that there are gray areas.

I know of a scientist that was studying sociopathic tendencies. Turns out he had them himself without knowing it. I doubt that he ever strangled anyone. He was perfectly happy doing science, and he was good at it. The autism spectrum is another area where life experience may interact with genetics. Even such things as Caesarian section delivery may increase the odds of developing Asperger's.

There is so much we don't know.

"The unlicensed magician" by Kelly Barnhill has a superficial resemblance to FWR's story. The autocratic Minister of a fictional country requires that all babies born with magical gifts be turned over to the government. How do they get these abilities? Well, every 25 years a comet passes by, and for some reason this "causes" magic.

Ethics and morals may be tested to the limits the more we discover about the human beast. Majick is an entirely different kettle of frogs!

I do not believe there is a gene for evil. In my experience, nearly all humans are capable of it given the right circumstances.