h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cheap Thrills

The lady behind the counter was beginning to get a little angry with us. Once again she pushed the two rail tickets back through the hatch and exhaled smoke at us in that wonderful Gallic way, jabbing her manicured nails at the offending tickets and shaking her head amidst a hail of rapid fire French.

We probably didn't help by stupidly pointing at our watches, making choo choo noises and thumbs up signs before thrusting the tickets back into the Gauloises gas chamber that was the information office of the Gare du Nord.

Without taking as much as a puff on her cigarette the lady managed to summon a final huge plume of smoke, pushed the tickets towards us and promptly pulled down the blinds. Office closed no doubt the sign read.

I cursed my inability to speak the language, my schoolboy French consisted of the useful phrases that Monsieur Lafayette had lost his keys or that Marie-France was on her way to the library again, damn you Longmans audio visual! Mind you if I ever bumped into a French girl called Michelle, I honestly believed I would probably be able to chat her up thanks to Lennon and McCartney!

We eventually got our teenage brains to inspect the offending tickets, Paris to Stuttgart via some very famous sounding cities. The problem was not only were we at the wrong station but we were also a day and a half early thanks to a misread of our glorious lets-see-Europe-before-we-start-work master plan. My half-witted mate then went to put the tickets in his backpack and promptly noticed the suspicious backpack shaped space where he'd set the thing down. Bloody great we'd been robbed, most of our cash was in the bag and the few travellers cheques I had were in German Marks. (The joys of the Euro still being decades away).

It was a long walk down the blvd Sebastopol but we ended up sitting on a park bench, oblivious to the magnificent backdrop of Notre Dame and trying valiantly to ignore the rumbling of our stomachs, dawn still several hours away. I was idly admiring the skills of the street cleaners, jets of water gracefully arcing through the balmy night, when a gentleman in a rather shabby and unseasonal ex army greatcoat sat uncomfortably close to us on the bench, wine fumes escaping the tangle of facial hair as he smiled a crooked smile and wished us good morning. He pointed at my tee shirt and said, " Arley? Un beau velo!" Blank long haired Teenage faces made him try again, luckily in English.

Theo by name, Dutch by birth ,but apparently he knew most of Paris, if not Europe like the back of his grimy gloved hand.

Ten minutes into our tale of woe, sharing our last cigarette with the hobo, when he stood up, hand outstretched and demanded five Francs. Oh great we were being robbed for the second time in five hours!

I gave the guy the pitiful few French coins that we had between us and lay back on the bench, gazing up at the cathedral and miserably wishing I'd stayed at home. A tap on my shoulder and I looked up into the nest of Theo's grinning beard.

With a flourish he produced a bag containing two baguettes, some beautifully cold fresh peaches and a bottle of cheap but delicious red wine. Where he'd obtained this feast from and how he'd fed us for a couple of quid, we didn't ask or care.

We sat picnicking as the day broke, feeding the pigeons the last of the bread and smiling at the priests and nuns coming into the park to start their day.

The rest of our trip went all too quickly, a proper send off for our carefree youth, but that meal under the stars was the real thrill, thirty odd years later, I can still taste those peaches!

Thanks for that. The Core Team has been watching the live streams and choking back tears. What a loss.

We take these ancient buildings for granted far too often. They form the backdrop of our memories.

So sad mate, such a loss.

Thank you for the story. I had been looking forward to visiting Notre-Dame in December, having never even been to France before. Four days, three nights in Paris for the Christmas market includes two free sightseeing days, that was one I'd earmarked. Oh well. I'm still looking forward to the trip and heart-warmed by the monies pouring in to rebuild the cathedral. There are always rays of sunshine among stormy days.

Love to you both

I've gone past Notre Dame, but I didn't get a chance to go inside.

It's not the first great cathedral to be destroyed by fire. St. Paul's went down in the Great Fire of London. it was then rebuilt and re-imagined by Christopher Wren. Chances are, the rebuilding of Notre Dame will not involved making it look different.

The French government seems to think arson was unlikely..

However, an earlier fire at St. Sulpice was an anti=Christian attack.
Hundreds of French churches have been vandalized recently.

I hope that investigators will find the cause of the fire, and proceed accordingly.

There's a competition to design the new spire....bottle of wine or a baguette shape....don't think I'll win!

Let's hope it doesn't resemble the Duomo.

paulh "Hundreds of French churches have been vandalized recently."

From what I can find, the number of attacks that are considered "anti-christian" has been stable for the past few years, and the only number on vandalized churches (878 attacks) is from 2017. And even then, not all those acts of vandalism are actually attacks on christianity (robbery, theft, vandalism by marginalised/unstable people, ...).

As for Saint Sulpice, the articles I've found say it was a deliberate fire, but noone knows yet whether it's anti-christian or the result of a fight between homeless people.

Possibly people protesting the Da Vinci Code?

(St Sulpice is a major locus in the whole 'Merovingian Conspiracy' thing.)

Thanks for looking into things, Dmitri.

I think Superfrenchie has better facts. Thanks, SF.

*a fight between homeless people*

They were a lot nicer back when this tale happened!

Maybe picnicking with tramps makes them violent, could this be my fault?

Conspiracy theory #7654987... I lit a candle in Notre Dame many years ago, feel uneasy now because I left it burning, could it be my fault?

All the loons out there blaming everything from the End of Days, ( I wrote a story called that a few years back, could it be my fault?)

Satanic cults,"(oh dear, Delight in the Darkness, could this really be my fault?)

Aliens, (Sunrise and Spaceships? Getting worried now!)

The eternal battles between Christians and Muslims (Nothing ever Changes, really spooked now!)

And ultra right gangs (Brotherhood Trump's Hate, wow, must've been me?)

Probably just some tardy apprentice not paying attention? (Oh dear Off with their Heads rings a bell!)

Pigeons causing mayhem in the roof space? (A Cautionary Tale!)

Maybe I'm just reading too much into this and it was just a freak and tragic accident? (Such a Shame!)

So it seems I am to blame!

Coincidence or conspiracy......we can read (and write) ourselves into some very deep holes if we're not careful.

Amen. The refrain, 'It's not always about you...' comes to mind.

It's not your fault, FWR. It's San Andreas' Fault.

Nah, we all know it's 2legs' fault...

I seem to keep forgetting that.