h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mr Dreadful,

I follow the Almighty Christ, not any book-based religion.

His first testimony to me is through the Holy Spirit, and the second through His Word, the Bible. You cannot have one without the other.

Jesus hates witches. All witches burn.

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Is there actually any part of the Bible where Jesus *specifically* says this?

Exodus 22:18. Jesus Christ: Yesterday, Today, Forever- Jesus is the Same!

Okay, we've already established that "Suffer not..." doesn't coutn because it was only included to placate James' prejudices. *Apart* from that where does the Bible say that witches are bad?

Sam, did you sit down and have that talk with god yet? I really think you shouldn't put that one off.

Hey Sam,

Umm, could you have a word with The Old Man Upstairs to see what the next lottery numbers would be? That all-seeing infinite power must be pretty handy at times.

Cheers mate,
Ste

Exodus 22:18. Jesus Christ: Yesterday, Today, Forever- Jesus is the Same!
I know the Bible well enough to know that Exodus 22:18 is not a record of the words of Jesus without even looking it up, so please tell us where Jesus tells us to burn withces.

withces.
I mean "wtiches" of course

Sam's system is pretty solid. If something isn't written in the Bible, then God told Sam directly (burn witches). If something is written in the Bible that is contradictory, then God tells Sam directly which is correct (jesus was hairy with hooves). Above all else, Sam knows what is right b/c he's never held accountable to a system of logic, and he can make anything up he wants at any time.

"Actually I am 19"

*So* much older than 17.

"I am reading science at a top university"

= An "ology" at St Andrews, but he's got a GCSE in Science (!) He may be reading it, but none's sticking, or he wouldn't still be a YEC.

"I have travelled widely through Europe, North America, Australasia, South Africa and the Far East."

= I have been on luxury holidays completely isolated from the local population, apart from that bit that serves my food.

"I spent much of my childhood in Northern Italy, where I still own a villa."

You mean, where Mummy and Daddy still have a timeshare.

"So what I lack in years I have more than made up for in experience."

Er, no. Being a spoiled brat does not count as experience.

Stop hiding in your space, Spammy, and come back to the Science Boards to get yo' ass proper whupped, boy.

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I thought Jesus loved everyone. Which is true?

Whatever gave you that idea? God HATES workers of iniquity.

""The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance; he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. So that a man shall say, Verily there is a reward for the righteous; verily he is a God that judgeth in the earth." Psalm 58:10,11.

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Just all the *sane* Christians I've ever met. Never mind.

Irony: a hardcore Christian posting on a site which was founded by a man who wrote the following passage:

"I refuse to prove I exist, for proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says man, "the Babel Fish is a dead givaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't, QED."
"I hadn't thought of that," says God and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"That was nothing," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

Whatever gave you that idea? God HATES workers of iniquity.

""The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance; he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. So that a man shall say, Verily there is a reward for the righteous; verily he is a God that judgeth in the earth." Psalm 58:10,11.


Hey, GrandSlamDunk, did you manage to get your paws on any of those backhanders from Gordon Brown that your uncle was passing round?

I think that the money was supposed to be used to educate children.

You must feel really, really righteous to be part of such a noble payolla scheme.

The wean.

No Andy Briggs. It's because all children are born as children of the devil, they are sinful from the outset. So it is no wonder they find a satan-worshipper so magical.

No Sam, it's because you are filled with a deep hatred of, and prejudice against, virtually everybody, including little children. Like many people you conceal this under the umbrella of religion. But you fool nobody. You'll make a fine Tory MP.

Personally I find Quidditch far more feasible than turning water into wine and people coming back to life after dying. As if!

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Yeah, but given the choice which would you go for? A daft sport or free booze for ever?

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Have to agree with you there, Andrew.


az

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Yeah, but given the choice which would you go for? A daft sport or free booze for ever?

Good point.

>"One thing I wanted to know from Sam is how would he comfort a family who loose a child?"

Well, I would say for starters that something good can come of something terrible. That their child need not have died in vain, if it makes them think for a few moments about the fact that life is short and that eternity lasts for a VERY long time.

Jesus is the ONLY way to get to heaven.

Even though he says he will never come back, I see that he wouldn't mention that their child will be in hell since it wasn't born again. If he did I can imagine him getting his nose broken if he is lucky.