h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I bought a cheap sat-nav unit on the internet, thinking I'd got a bargain, turned out to be a scam/con job
It told me where I'd been and NOT where I was going

Ah, a nostalgic sat-nav.

'I remember when this was nowt but fields. Turn right where the old White Hart Inn used to be, only it was demolished twenty years ago so it isn't there any more. Then head up that road where my uncle used to live, he's been buried thirty-year this summer and his old farm is now a trendy wine bar. Then turn left at the post office, only they've now moved the post office into a branch of WH Smiths and then they closed the branch and have you heard it is all going to be yuppy flats no-one from round here can afford that are supposed to be 'in keeping with the area' but is really an exercise in gentrification if you ask me. Hang on, you've gone completely the wrong way, you fool!'

<BB<

The best driving directions I ever got were in Ireland.

"What day is today? Tuesday? Then you'll be wanting to turn right at the red tractor, and then it's the next crossroad after the sheepdog runs into the road."

And it worked.

Irish horse-driving directions are rare, too. I will never forget the estimation of distance, 'Oh, it's turrible far!'

My favourite was always "oh, if you're going there, I wouldn't be starting from here!"

because of NO disrespect to the Irish, I will NOT post what a ex work colleague said happened to his fishing party over there, when asking directions for the hotel they were to stay in

Almost sounds like riding Jackson would be faster

And he can navigate back to his feed bucket from anywhere!

Excuse me! Are you reading that newspaper your sitting on ?