h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've just finished putting up a book review in Peer Review, per request. The book, which I read last night, is by the late Lee Israel, a rather unlikely, but talented, literary forger. Her book is a lot of fun, and the review is at A87910095.

The reason I mention this is that I was thinking about New Yorkers, of which Ms Israel was one. They're an unusual breed of human: many don't drive cars, for instance. They're usually really savvy about people. But due to their living conditions, they often don't know anything about any animal other than a human. This can be funny. This was illustrated in Ms Israel's book in her anecdote about trying to deal with flies in her Upper West Side apartment.

Last week, New Yorkers made the rest of us laugh again with their hilarious lack of woodsy lore. Here in western Pennsylvania, we are accustomed to deer in the backyard and rather large beers outside the Main Street pizzeria. The pastor, assistant pastor, and the male half of the elders at the local church are all hunters and fishers. It's that kind of place.

In New York City last week, they call the cops to report a tiger on the loose. People huddled indoors as a helicopter scouted overhead.

Read this story to see what they had mistaken for a tiger. The author has provided helpful hints for telling the creatures apart.

http://www.vice.com/en_us/article/paxxwn/new-yorkers-heres-how-to-tell-the-difference-between-a-tiger-and-a-raccoon-vgtrn

I've lived in cities half my life. The other half I've spent in the country, suburbs, or small towns. I can see both sides, and I enjoy the innocent laughter at the expense of city people confused by nature.

My brother-in-law used to teach Earth Science to city kids. He enjoyed bringing chicks and ducklings into the classroom. The teenagers were mystified. His own grandkids happily gather eggs on the farm.

My dreamlife isn't interested in nature these days. It's stuck in outer space. (I have celiac, and I think I ate something dubious last weekend. This results in pain and deeply weird dreams.)

Last night, I was on a spaceship. I must have been the engineer - yeah, right - because I was trying to install a transporter. I cleared off an area on the ship, and I ordered some parts from somewhere.

I had to send one part back: the housing said 'Voyager'. I sent it back with the note, 'Wrong show, get me another one.

When I got it together, I went back to where I was supposed to install the device. Lo and behold, a diplomat passenger had strung his (deeply odd) personal laundry up in that part of the ship! He had wet clothes everywhere. I was just explaining politely why we needed the space when I woke up.

Maybe Earth people don't know any more about life in space than New Yorkers know about wildlife.

Erratum: Although there may be rather large beers outside the pizzeria, what I meant to write was 'bears'.

How disappointing

Years ago my then wife told me she had seen a near the very top of a large tree just outside our garden.
- A you say?
Turns out it were two cats ...



PS: Badgers are in fact able to climb trees. But when they do they usually end up in the news ...

Yes, Pierce: I expected interplanetary ambassadors to be better-behaved than that.

We don't have any badgers, so I didn't know if they climbed trees or not.

I found a photo in the Library of Congress of a groundhog in a tree - which nobody around here believes, because they say groundhogs can't climb trees.

I'd better feature a raccoon soon in Colours of Wildlife! Then at least h2g2-ers won't make that mistake.

I can buy a groundhog in a tree. It's a member of the squirrel family!

Me, too, though I've never seen one do it myself.

Raccoons are pretty. We get them around here.

I've always thought the raccoon family amusing, differentiation of type to fit a variety of different ecological niches and skeletal anomalies they share with the bears but not other modern placental mammals.

I like raccoons when I don't have chickens...

We are concerned about raccoons who come out in the daylight around here. They can carry rabies and distemper, and are usually nocturnal. We had a woman attacked a few weeks ago and she is still receiving a battery of shots. The perpetrator got away.

F S