h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Want a good laugh at the expense of the Romans?

'Sie spinnen, die Roemer...' - Asterix

Try these fragments from Granius Licinianus' otherwise lost history of Rome. Read it aloud to an appreciative friend for maximum enjoyment. You will find gems, such as this:

'And Pompeius, when he was 25 years old and still a Roman knight - something which no-one had previously done - celebrated a triumph as pro-praetor from Africa, on the fourth day before the Ides of March. Some writers say that on this occasion the Roman people were shown elephants in the triumph. But when he came to enter the city, the triumphal arch was too small for the four elephants yoked to his chariot, although they tried it twice.'

Imagine this...and you think 'Gladiator' was an extravagant movie. Let me tell you, Russell Crowe had nothing on those REAL Romans.

Here's the link to the English version for lazy people:

http://www.attalus.org/translate/granius.html

Want to try your hand at deciphering these fragmentary texts from an old palimpsest? Be our guest, you overachiever:

http://latin.packhum.org/loc/1257/1/0#0

Me, I'll stick to reading the translation aloud to Elektra and commenting, a la 'Mystery Science Theater': 'No wonder Mithridates lost. He was from PONTUS. I wonder how many 'Ponti' jokes they told about him...'

Licinianus seems to think that he's a GOOD historian. Not like that Sallust, who editorialised too much. But you'll still find a story or two in here that has the flavour of ancient Roman urban legend. Fun.

Heh heh I'll see about reading some of this! But you should have given the Asterix quote in Italian, that's the best version: 'Sono Pazzi, Questi Romani' (usually said by Obelix in fact)... do you get that one? (If not try Google Images)

You're right, much funnier in Italian.

I didn't know the Italian version - I've only read it in English, French, and German.

A friend of mine at uni in Germany was trying to collect the saying in all languages for a contest once.

http://falki-design.ch/wordpress/2013/02/bild-des-tages-151/

I've read Asterix in Danish and German. It's not only interesting but humorous in itself to compare the translation of the puns and other jokes. A highlight for us was of course Asterix und die Wikinger:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XSL1L_NvYY

Now back to the pazzo Romani

Thanks for the link, Pierce.

Asterix books have some really clever translations - they put a lot of work into it!

That one was translated into Afrikaans too, called 'Asterix en die Noormanne'! Was a great translation I think, with quite a few Afrikaans puns successfully worked in!

In the Danish version one of the vikings introduces himself with the words "Jeg er Halgrim, søn af Helgrim" ("I am Halgrim, son of Helgrim"). Both names are common Nordic names, but the introduction can also be translated into "I am half ugly, son of totally ugly"

Heh heh! The Afrikaans version works quite well with the Viking names all ending in 'af' (similar to the English). The chief is Olaf Hardblaf (Olaf loud-bark) and other ones have names like Wandelstaf (walking stick), Watergraf (watery grave), Openaf (up and down), and Lekkerlaf (completely silly).