h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You're a mean, naughty, bad leather chicken!

Come to terrorise me on my own...my own... in my own coop have you? Shame on you!

Oh curses, foiled again, it has a towel! But who are you to be draggin mah good name throuw that thar mud? This coop aint big enough for the two of us!

What? So you're a chicken too now?

No, I'm just so big I take up the whole coop

I'll photograph the Chicken Named Tav and the Chicken Named Vam and post it on my fotki...

It will be so nice to put a face to my name...

Only, please don't, you know, boil them first, or photograph them being tortured or anything. It's like a voodoo doll that chicken.

It's up! Enjoy...

Does your back hurt? I accidentaly sat on the chicken yesterday.

it was hurting last week- m,aybe there's a sort of backwards delay for voodoo chickens. Perhaps it's like TP's crops that grow before they're sown?

You're a reannual chicken? Are you made of sapient pearwood? In that case, I'd better

No, I'm made of leather, as you well know. But then again, I'm also sapient.

Sapient leather

Sapient pear leather?

Very fruity... I don't know. is that possible? I mean, pear wood, ok- from a pear tree. But pear leather? that would have to come from somekind of..of hybrid..a Pear-cow!

Ps. Hybrid is not to be confused with Hybird, as in "that which has wings and is in the act of flying" or "that which does not have wings, but has a skirt and has taken the lift"
I warn you of this most terrible of typos.

A Hybird! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's pearcow!

So, now I'm made from a flying cow? this is extremely confusing

No, a sapient pearcow that likes to cross roads

So, I'm a sapient pear-leather chicken, made from the hide of a sapient pear-cow that likes to cross roads (not fly), who is reannual and scared of...er... nothing.
I wasn't going to say anything.

Ever heard of retrophrenology, Malabarista?

No, is it a disease? Can you eat it?

It's the study or science of something, but of what?

I found it in the companion the other day and I'm glad you don't know what it is.. it involves hitting people over the head with heavy blunt objects

Phrenology is the study of the bumps and contours of a person's head, whcih are believed to show the personality and characteristics of that person. Retrophrenology is when the..er.. alternative medecine psychiatrist decides to alter our personality..ie. by altering the lumps and bumps of your headOuch!

Please don't get any ideas. As a leather chicken I'm extremely malleable, but remember I'm also sapient!