h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One word: hokey.

I often wondered what would happen if they combined the best bits of Star Trek with the best bits of Babylon 5. Obviously someone had similar thoughts of creating such a magnificent beast but with genetic material from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Hokey sentimentality, and hokey dialogue all wrapped up by a bastardised version of the plot from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm not surprised Tim Robbins decided to check out halfway through - he did himself and us all a favour. (Ok, it's a spoiler - I'm saving you ten bucks.)

You reckon it's that bad? I was kinda looking forward to it after seeing the trail.

Most of the reviews I read agree with you, and the imdb rates it low. The only good review I read was the only review by a woman.

If I don't see it, I'll never know. If I see it and don't like it, I'll be so cross with myself.

You don't *have* to take my word for it, Kaeori. If people didn't go to see films after reading my opinions on them, then nobody would know how right I am.

I like movies with SFX quite a bit and am usually able to forgive the occasional gaping plot flaw if they make go me go "WOW!" There are a few bits in M2M that will make you go "wow" (and one in particular that will make you "eewww!"), but there just isn't enough to cover up the general hokiness of the dialogue, characters or the fact that the whole plot is a cheap knock-off clone of 2001 (and 2010, as well).

But by all means, go and judge for yourself. You may think it's crap, you may like it and think *I'm* crap. Either way you can say that nobody told you what to think.

The weight of critical opinion appears to back you all the way.

That's it then, I ain't gonna see it, and no regrets!

Agree whole-heartedly Mustapha - waste of what might have been some decent effects. It was reviewed reasonably positively here for some reason - I can't figure the movie critics sometimes. Cardboard characters, poor dialogue, and frankly, I didn't care one way or the other about anything that happened in the plot almost from the first ten minutes.

Good decidion not to bother with it Kaeori.

Bran the Slightly Critical

On the other hand, Bran, that little Aussie sci-fi flick Pitch Black isn't too bad. Not great or even original, but not bad.

Would you care to offer a 'scary' rating for Pitch Black?

The trailer looked good, but it might be too scary for me. I can be very dangerous in a theater when I get frightened - I may leap without warning in any direction.

(It hasn't opened here yet - as usual.)

Ooh, 5 or 6/10. It's really nothing you haven't seen before in any Alien movie. What does lift it above mediocrity are some interesting little morality plays about good and evil (people-in-a-lifeboat stuff) - something we only got a glimpse of with Paul Reiser's character in 'Aliens'.

Not seen Pitch Black - might wait till video. Seemed kind of interesting ... a bit like Alien in the shorts as you say, crossed with Conair perhaps.

I've just watched Pushing Tin on video. Not bad ... I'm not sure that I got John Cusack's character, but Billy Bob was great as per usual. I find that I am increasingly impressed with his versatility, and the fact that he can look so different. In A Simple Plan, he was a remarkably convincing dweeb, and it blows me away that he was the same actor as in Sling Blade or True Colours. I gush ...

Oh ... seen Election yet? When the Americans pull off satire, it actually seems to work. Great film ... highly recommend it.

Cheers
Bran.

Election? Is that the highschool one with Matt Broderick? I know it just came out on video here (which bugs me cause it never came to New Plymouth filmscreens, grrrr).

Pushing Tin was a great little movie, very zen... ya gotta lose a little control, so ya can stay *in* control. (And can you believe Billy Bob actually got to go home with Angelina "Those lips! Those ey - oh, hell, those lips!" Jolie at the end of it?)

Another great Cusack movie is Grosse Point Blank, a much better light-romantic-comedy-about-hitmen than The Whole Nine Yards.

And while we're on the subject of recommendations, if you liked A Simple Plan, then maybe Of Mice and Men with Gary Sinise and John Malkovich. They aren't similar stories, but the ends are both real kickers.

Election is indeed the one with Matthew Broderick. We have a similar problem in Hobart re cinemas. We have one complex of 7 cinemas, but that it all run by some Fat Car company - limited competition. We also have one "arthouse" cinema, subsidised by State funding. Needless to say, Election was at the art house cinema. I saw it on video and did not fell that it had lost anything ... it isn't a big screen must.

I've seen Grosse Point Blank at least twice and bought the soundtrack. Great film ... very enjoyable.

I'm about to watch Holy Smoke tonight - the one with Kate "The Figure" Winslet and Harvey Kietel (also on video ... would you beleive that it was advertised at the cinema complex - we turned up to see it and found out that it had been incorrectly allocated by the distributor, and thus not on and not likely to ever be on ... bummer! Too arty I suspect)

Thanks for the recommendation for the other film.
Cheers
Bran.

P.S. That should read "Fat Cat company" not "Fat Car company". It might also be a Fat Car company, but I don't think so.

*Seven* cinemas? Luxury!

NP has a five-screen cineplex, and NO arthouse. For example, Dogma, which was released early last month, only came to town on Thursday. And there's no telling how long it'll stay. Grosse Point Blank never showed up at all, and it was just fotunate that I was in Wellington at the time.

I'll say one thing about Aussie films (Holy Smoke, Two Hands, etc.) - they certainly show Australian family life, warts and all!

Indeedy they do. I have now watched Holy Smoke. Not sure what I thought of it. Interesting I guess ... I wasn't really convinced by the apparent change in Harvey Keitel's character from control freak to losing it ... and I thought Kate Winslet's character also lost it too abruptly after watching the "cult video". Still ... I assume that it was all in the intensity of the experience. It had another typically bloody Jane Campion ending. Ever see Potrait of a Lady (or whatever the portrait was of)? That was not my type of ending ... all suddenly and with no apparent expectation that it was to end, except that I knew after the 48th time I'd looked at my watch that the film had to be (for the love of everything sacred) over soon. Left me feeling that the whole film was pointless. Not that closure is necessary, but complete lack of relation to the vague story-line at that point didn't do anything for me. I ramble.

We were recently in Brisbane and went to just one of the cinema complexes in a suburb not especially near the city, and they had 16 CINEMAS! We figured that there were more in that one location than in the entire state of Tasmania! That is the only thing that I would really like more of here - cinemas.

I thought Two Hands was great, though it didn't really add anything having the dead brother as muse, as far as I could see.

See Gladiator yet?

Cheers
Bran.

Gladiator hasn't been released here yet, but it can't be too far away.

I think Holy Smoke had to do a lot with control and how very illusory it is. Most of the characters in the movie think or seem to be in control or set in their beliefs. A few sparks and those illusions go up like 'smoke'.

And yes, the dead brother in Two Hands was a little frivolous. The only reason I can think of, is that he represented a sort of Shakespearean Chorus or a cyclical-generational ghost, eg you have the older brother, dead from the mistakes he made; you have the younger brother (next generation), made some serious mistakes too but used his brain (and a bit of phantasmal assistance) and got out alive; and then you have the young girl (next generation again), what a life path she's on!

Here in London, you can't turn your head without coughing on a cinema. Some of them are pretty run down, but it seems in recent years new 'multiplexes' have been springing up all over the place.

My favorite, which may have its roots 'down under', is a new Hoyts cinema - lovely seats and great sound.

Gladiator came here a few weeks ago, but most of the films you write about reach you before they come here. I can't figure the rationale behind this.

I don't know where they show the 'art' films - it seems I only read about them after they're gone.

I reckon you're right about the brother in Two Hands Mustapha. The device had that feel about it, and I seem to remember reading a review of the film in which director said something similar. Still, a very interesting and stylish film.

I had also noticed Kaeori that films in London, contrary to my expectations, did not open before they did in Australia. We were there a few years ago, and film's which we had seen in Oz were just starting in London.

We had Gladiator start here about 4 weeks ago. The biggest crowd in our cinema that I have ever seen. Not a bad flick ... mostly historically accurate (except they have people riding horses with stirrups ... too early for that), and some great "set-piece" scenes. The computer-generated graphics of ancient Rome were fairly poor, easily spotted as graphics. But, assuredly an epic film with some excellent action, especially the opening battle.

Oh, anyone seen "Being John Malkovich"? It has to be the most original film that I have ever seen - the sort of film that you walk out of wondering how the hell anyone could think up an idea like that. It does not even bear explaining, and it is best not to hear anything about the story of you haven't yet seen it. But ... do yourselves a favour and see it if you can (it was at our arthouse cinema ... they must have at least one of those in London Kaeori, but who knows?).

Cheers
Bran

Top 10 Things That Sound Creepy When Said By John Malkovich

10. "Does this look infected to you?"

9. "I put my jammies on all by myself, mommy!"

8. "You mean I get all these great funk classics on just one compact disc?"

7. "Senator Hillary Clinton"

6. "I can provide references from my last hospital job."

5. "Nougat!"

4. "I love you, Ted Danson."

3. "Your glasses will be ready in about an hour, Ted Danson."

2. "Johnny likes bunnies."

1. "Who wants to be a millionaire?"



About Gladiator, I understand Oliver Reed had to be CGed here and there, due to his unfortunate bout of deadness. I bet Reed's previous directors are kicking themselves they didn't have this tech when he was *alive*.

There were lots of adverts for Being John Malkovich here, but I don't know how I missed it. Could I have slept for a week?

Gladiator was just about perfectly violent: strong and realistic (for all I know), without dwelling needlessly on the gore.

On a personal note, I read with not a little regret that one historical inaccuracy was that the gladiators were all over-dressed. Purely a preference for costume accuracy, you understand.

From the ads I've seen, Joel Schumacher must've had a hand in the costume design. Some very shiny 'pointy' looking costumes.