h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Over the night of May 9th / May 10th, 2014 - my heart experienced serious failure. Officially viral induced dilated cardiomyopathy. My heart was moving about 30% of the average blood of an adult.

By April 28th, 2015, medications alone were not helping enough with the efforts of my left ventricle. So to assist matters, a Cardiac Resynchonization Therapy - Defibrillator was installed under the skin of my left breast. (I named the device Phil)

Sometime around October or November of 2018, the makers of several such devices issued a letter to all North American people who had received one of more than 30 models. The batteries in such sealed devices could develop lithium crystals between the post of the battery - eventually creating a bridge that could deplete the battery in mere hours. The known incident rate was quoted as about 0.3% chances.

On November 6th, 2019, Phil was tested - put through all the tests and paces possible. He was performing fine, and still had 2.25 to 2.50 years of battery life left.

Not long after - December 9th, 2019 - Phil began to struggle and set off his internal alarums. Somehow, I did not feel the 4 notifications over a span of about 26 hours. But a radio-linked device at home detected the distress, and reported it to the maker's monitoring site. Who then quickly called the medical team that I dealt with.

The upshot of several fast phone calls had me under a scalpel again on Friday the 13th of December, 2019. My scar was re-opened, Phil was disconnected from the installed leads running to my heart, and . . . A new friend named Buck was attached to these wires, and tucked into the vacant pocket under my skin. I was sewn up again and sent home.

And life goes on, again with an expected 7 to 10 years of service from Buck. (As opposed to the 4.6 tears that Phil served me)

May Buck serve you well, Rev

I second that

We have a motion on the floor, and a seconder. All in favour? All opposed?

In view of no NAY votes, Buck is obligated to give a full measure of service.

( Unless, of course, I expire before he does )

By the way, I do not fault Phil for failing. It was not his fault that he was given a defective battery.

I did ask the surgeon if I could have Phil after the replacement? (I've been a techy guy a long time). Sadly, the answer was no. He had to go back to the factory for failure tracking statistics.

If I recall correctly I have two friends bearing the name Phil. I would hate to see either of them having to go back to the factory for failure tracking statistics

I can imagine it would have been a good souvenir for you to keep Phil, but it makes sense that he needed to go for testing so that lessons can be learned from his experience

I could have inspected and tested. And reported to their home labs.

The surgeon did not agree.