h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well what a mess I’m in! Stuck here in the dark, in the middle of nowhere just baking away in this searing heat.
Mother told me of the harshness’s of life in the fast lane as they say.
BUT! Would I listen? Nah!
Being a raw bun, I thought I knew it all.

Two egg-cells talking with each other and one said - you know something? This predetermined marriage stuff isn't all it’s hyped up to be.
The other egg-cell asked why she thought that.
Well! Said the first, the other night, I was set up with this sperm-cell and now I'm stuck with him.

Will you STOP playing with the baby and go and buy a cricket ball
(Could be a double meaning there)

Hey love! It says on telly that the worlds going to end tomorrow.
Well! You’ve still got time to finish the ironing then haven’t you?

I see you’ve won a gold medal for England?
NO! I’ve won a gold medal for Yorkshire and any idea how much it’s worth scrap value?
(US Tight? Nah! It’s only a rumour)

Why don’t you run for President?
Give over, it’s hard enough just running for a bus.

I ran over two milk bottles the other day and needed two new tyres.
Didn’t you see them?
NAH! Bloody kid had them hid under his coat

Yes Doctor. Another virulent strain of Yorkshireitus: perfectly harmless manifesting itself in the condition known as 'I must start a new thread venting my stream of consciousness semi-surreal mind wandering'. Medication? A tube of Smarties, an Eccles cake, yes I know you'll have to run the risk of restarting the Wars of the Roses again by having to cross the Pennines and a cup of Ovaltine (without the song please), and a smacked bum!
Sleep tight me old Cocker!

Hovis! Don't forget a slice of Hovis lathered w'butter and a couple of rashers slapped on. Top off w'another slice of Hovis.

Brass band, northern townscapes? Wheat'l see, the thought never crust my mind.

(reading thread, and being strangely changed by the experience)

more! more!

Did you know? (well I'm going to tell you anyway)...

That if Yorkshire was a Country in it's own right we would be 10th in the overall medal table for the limpics, due to the input from Yorkshire born or Yorkshire based athletes.

We accounted for almost 25% of GB medals.

http://www.nbcolympics.com/medals/2012-standings/index.html

Well done you people.

Co's we're the best county
9 medals WE'VE got I think (so far)

Hi there Prof. I am back at last. Where is The Thinker nowadays?

Steve

U198984

she's not been in for a few days ?? reason unknown

Modest yer ain't!

Meanwhile Lapis peels back the (extremely cheap) outer layer of these 'medals' and lo and behold, finds chocolate centres! Yep all the medals awarded in these London Olympics are nothing more than an old job lot of Chritmas tree decorations from 'What Can We Do You For'
Staines Middlesex. (No comment, unpolitically or politically correct, you vote; you know it makes sense.From a hot but extremely joyous Bahrain afternnon!

Re:- The Thinker, AKA, Kat. She used to post on a limerick thread that I subscribe to (on h2g2). Some of her stuff was brilliant, but some of it was, ahem, rather odd, no-one bothered, that's just Kat, innit.

One of the older members decided that she needed some fairly cutting advice and dispensed it without much tact. From her reply I gathered that Kat was very upset by the tone of this admonishment: she hasn't been back.

It might just be coincidence, but I did notice her absence and it worried me a bit. I don't really know her well enough to contact her and I don't even know how to do it if she isn't logging on.

I've been on the wrong end of stuff like this myself and it ain't a bundle of fun.

Here's hoping.

Ah, that's sad.
Hope reconciliation, forgiveness, understanding and a return to pre-(offending?)status will not be long coming.

cheers TQ
I'm in email contact and I'll "drop" her a note

She's back so, business as normal thank Gawd!

By the way Prof, which note did you drop to Kat? B flat? A chording to (oh forget it Lap)OK Ladies and Gerbils (now which show was that from? It's driving me crazy trying to remember HELP ME PLEASE out there in the massive memory bank that is H2G2, AHHHHHHH it was from the red man in that fab cartoon coneected to Cow and Chicken......Brill.

Ah, very clear (I lied) either 'The Birds' by Respighi or Whistler's mother!

I love the funny jokes that you have shared in your journal.