h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wow, I can honestly say I never realised the menace of the humble cow until now. It disturbs me how this pox has been allowed to spread throughout our society!

......
never no...they could go off and become a major player in an evil organization bend on taking over The Universe/Multiverse/Aniverse...ery/anyotherverse/H2G2...

Thanks Commander Supermoo, the people needed to be told and I'm just glad that my warning has reached one with the rank to deal with this evil, subversive threat!

I hope the White House reads this, then heaven help any country suspected of harbouring cows!

...well then for the sake of the people I shall even tell everyone where this alledged Evil organization is... U584611

Maybe Michael Moore would be interested in making one of his ummm, 'exhaustive' documentaries on the subject!

...advertising is advertising...

Oh dear lord! It's all so clear now. Why didn't we see this before? We must put a stop to these monsters while there's still time. We can't rely on the authorities, they're probably in league with them! BRING OUT THE PITCH FORKS AND BURNING TORCHES!

OK, well I've looked into this, and I've discovered that the thirst three points aren't wholey accurate. Deforestation is actualy more for bullocks, the male bovine, which is also were beef comes from. Cows, the female of the species, is only really used for breeding and milk. But other than that it's all good.

...*shakes head*...
"cow" is used to refer to both the males and females as it is usually assumed that the "cow" you are seeing is actually a cow and not a bull...much like it is usually assumed that a dog is male and a cat is female...

Exactly, and all are manipulated by the Council of Cows. End of story. **eyes dart around room shiftily**

...well...supposedly there is a cow who calls himself the grand duke of the cows...he's the ruler...
*i'm so innocent of everything look*

He also runs some kind of military organization, the Misbehaving army of something... I think

that does seem to ring a bell...

Well, I stand corrected. But if they already have a leading council and an army then surely we should put a stop to them right now, before they attempt to overthrow the Earth's supposed rulers, the lizards who live at the centre of the planet, or, God forbid, our true masters, the cats! BRING OUT THE POKING STICKS!

I believe they're allied with the cats...

Oh, well in that case never mind.

All is lost, all is lost! They know I'm on to them! The horror of cows can only be understood when you have attempted a hike through the countryside and practically EVERY FIELD is full of threatening, hormonealy pumped cows! Don't tell ME they aren't threatening...

...they aren't hormonal so much as HOMOCIDAL!!!

Of coarse, the question we really have to ask ourselves is...why. What is the cows motivation? Why do they do whatever it is they're supposed to be doing, and further more, what was they were actually supposed to be doing, because I can't actually remember anymore? Why is that the cows are so evil, and there possibly be an even more powerful evil controlling them from behind the scenes? Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you we have only seen the beggining of the evil that is...THE COWS! Probably.

Keep watching the stys!

OK, cows don't come from stys, but if they did then that line would be hilarious. Really.