h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Christmas has certain rules, which despite not being written down anywhere, seem to be no less unnegotiable.

I shall endeavour to commit them to writing and codify them here. Who knows, this journal may become what Rugby school is to the game of rugby, or what the town of Thurles is to the Gaelic Athletic Association.

Article 1: Christmas songs.

The first thing to remember if you want to write a Christmas song is that you must be prepared to suspend any lyrical ability. Aim for Eurovision standard, and then make it a bit worse.

"Ding dong merrily on high, in heaven the bells are ringing" - I beg your pardon? Clearly the ravings of an opium addict!

"Fa la la la la, la la la la!" - this sounds like the opium addict is doing cold turkey.

"So they told me, pa-rump-pump-pum-pum" - this sounds like someone who is overly fixated with rumpy-pumpy. And *he's* probably on opium, too.

This is clever, but you will regret saying it...you're going to be quoted in next week's issue of ...

"Aim for Eurovision standard, and then make it a bit worse."

I have never ever heard anything connected with Eurovision -- as far as I know. I refuse to curtail my Christmas songwriting. But I have good company. Eurovision didn't even *exist* when the songs you mention were written. Those songwriters managed without Eurovision or your rules, which greatly weakens your rules. Not that the world is going to stop turning.

(Over the last ten or so years I've seen threads here bemoaning how 'terrible Eurovision was. This made me feel good, because I wasn[t exposed to this terrible thing that so many Hootooers hated so much.

And now you're making it a rule that I can't write Christmas songs without being familiar with Eurovision?

Excuse me while I return to Bach, Pachelbel, Praetorius, Berlioz, and others who vastly predated Eurovision while making hundreds of years happy for music lovers at this time of year. Mozart wrote some German dances and chose to accompany them with sleigh bells.

Hey, I don't enforce the rules. I just make 'em.

Here are some youtube links for pieces that my choral society sang at our concert two days ago:

[all the compsoers are French, as it was a concert of French hritmas music]


franck gloria
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxekOspCNhE

franck panis angelicus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a11YheB2zM
[for soloist and sopranos only]

adam munit, Chretiens
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWq5OWYaXDw

gounod bethleem
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-IJRT7kpQk

berlioz adieu des bergers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Qx4QBeekE

saint saens oratorio de noel
gloria
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ai1wgQH2cM

saint saens oratorio de noel
tollite [tenor part only]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-Hoso94UDs

gounod noel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq-WP54noSk

Sorry, here are the4 same links without the pesky "s":

franck gloria
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxekOspCNhE

franck panis angelicus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a11YheB2zM
[for soloist and sopranos only]

adam munit, Chretiens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWq5OWYaXDw

gounod bethleem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-IJRT7kpQk

berlioz adieu des bergers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Qx4QBeekE

saint saens oratorio de noel
gloria
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ai1wgQH2cM

saint saens oratorio de noel
tollite [tenor part only]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-Hoso94UDs

gounod noel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq-WP54noSk

Well...you can write 'em in Latin. Nobody will know if they're silly or not.

I once mocked at the rest of the tenor section: 'Why are we singing Vivaldi's 'Gloria' in a Baptist church? Do you even know what 'qui tollis peccata mundi' means?'

Of course they didn't. Nobody in North Carolina does unless they're a monk, or teaches it like I did. The reason we were singing it was so the choir director could prove we were just as good as the Episcopalians...

I'm with KB, though, on these 'modren' Christmas songs:

'There'll be much mistltoeing/And hearts will be glowing...'

Really?

It seems to be an international curse. I share (generously) this Icelandic Christmas hit. Note the fake fire. The title means, 'You bring Christmas to me.'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-A2BNfk3lY

And there's that wonderful old standard that they used to torture us with on German TV:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMzoo0E29q8

I didn't realise I would get the twenty-million links this early in December.

Kling, glockchen, kling-a-lig-a-ling?
Even with my minimal German comprehension, I know what *that* means! Soporific!

Sorry, KB.

Dmitri, I actually studied Latin in high school. I would rather endure the silliness of the meaning in Latin than in English.

Which is sillier? The angels and shepherds and wise men, or the guy in a red suit who magically flies from the North Pole with toys for children? And why do more modern yuletide songs seem to glom onto red-nosed reindeer or Christmas bells?

I think people just want to party when the weather gets cold, and any old excuse will do, no matter how silly......



(The world could use a new music style. 66 years years into its existence, rock has worn out its welcome. It ought to be on its way out now.)

I guess you either get it, or you don't. I'm sorry I mentioned Christmas.

I have a different problem with the German Christmas carols that everybody loves because they sung them as children. They all sound like dirges to me. I can quite imagine "Oh du fröhliche" being played by a brass band as a funeral march.

Many, of course, are the same as the ones we have in the Anglo Saxon world. The words don't stand up to much analysis either, though.

As for modern Christmas songs - I'm pretty sure there aren't any. All the available CD's of Christmas songs are in English. Only children's songwriters and young church composers (who attempt pop music, but have created a genre called NGL - "Neues geistliches Liedgut", which is on a par with Eurovision) are actually writing modern stuff about Christmas, commercial or Christian.

A local radio station always has a Christmas song competition and the entries are of a high standard, but nearly always in English.

Here are the three winners this week - two in English, one in German.

http://www.swr.de/swr1/rp/programm/swr1-weihnachtssong-contest-2015-the-rosevalley-sisters-gewinnen-die-2/-/id=446640/did=16483588/nid=446640/1ljlqim/index.html

Thanks for the term 'Neues geistliches Liedgut', TC - I hadn't heard that one.

Yeah, there's a lot of that going around. What a good description...

Ending up with this song being part of our Christmas cantata. It's not a BAD song, it's just that the term NGL would definitely fit...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUfCglswhNE

"While shepherds washed their socks by night,
All seated on the ground."

Yep, fits the bill

Started well, but petered out there (or got hijacked by serious music lovers).
Where are the "rules" for cards including measuring the amount of glitter?
Food rules? Mince pies should have solid lids, for example, not cutesy trellises or stars. Brussels sprouts will not be adorned with bacon bits.
All participants at Christmas meals must wear the soppy hat out of their Christmas crackers.
Shape up there - you only have a couple of weeks to get the 100 rules codified and distributed to the rest of us for implementation.
I believe the FA started with 94 rules. Where would we be if they'd
stopped at the first one?

Peace. here's a link to my journal in which I list some Christmas music that I especially like: http://h2g2.com/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F69196?thread=8315146

Popular Christmas songs: the bad and the silly

The Goons: "I'm walking backward for Christmas"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e61uC-5s9VU

Dogs barking "jingle bells"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg

Elvis Presley: "Blue Christmas"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9-PN1sftaI

"Hooray for Santy Claus" from the film "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewuIJ_dlGTk

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzV9DIL_vrM