h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think something must have happened when I wasn't paying attention.

It all started with an off-the-cuff and, well, maybe slightly flirtatious remark to someone I barely even know. Then everything went a bit sort of haywire and we seem to have planned a holiday away after Christmas before we even knew surnames.

Don't ask me. It makes no sense to me either.

All my most ill-fated adventures always seem to be precipitated by the words "Anything for a laugh..."

Does it involve leaving the country?

Anyway - go for it. As they say, you only live once.

Yes, up to them thar Nordic places. Where I've been wanting to go myself, anyway, so why not.

The Nordic places are nice. The big question is, is he good-looking?

Are you fond of snow and cold weather? If not, I would wait seven or eight months before going. Then again, I've heard that Sweden [for instance] is really charming during the holidays.

I'd like to see Scandinavia, too, though I've never even shopped at Ikea.

I've been to a couple of the Baltic nations, as well as Saint Petersburg.

I love snow and cold weather, as long as I've got the right clothes. I do have the right clothes, as it happens, but it is not often cold enough to wear them in Ireland. It is more important to be dry here.

By the way, a peek in their passport will tell you their surname.

I have never checked anyone's passport, and I don't intend to start now!

I'm horrified at the thought of that. I'm not a border guard.

I've never been a guard of any kind. The closest I'd come would be a bored guard.

Heaven forbid, no, not a full security check - I meant just a glance over the shoulder in the queue.