h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* See note.

Well! I was certainly happy when I left Scandinavia!
























Because I had *such* a fantastic time.

* Van Morrison reference: 'Listen to the Lion'.
and we sailed and we sailed

So much to tell, so only time for a few snippets:

- Trip would have been worth it for the 360 degree rainbow as we came out of the clouds over Copenhagen.
- Couldn't initially work out why the Oresund bridge appeared to peter out in the middle of the sea. Know I know.

Gothenburg:
- Checked in. Went straight out. Had *Fantastic* meal, outdoors, people-watching.
- After an Irish bar (dull, even with band), discovered a well dodgy- looking bar in the back of a kebab place. Got talkking to som Africans. Ened up marriage counselling one of them until about 3am!
- Despite that, managed an early start and a long walk around the old quarter.
- Strolled though shopping centre and onto ferry to work. (Phoned colleague in England, just so's I could say 'I'm on the boat!'
- Chatted with the department folk. Had lunch at their *superb* cafeteria.
- Did the Workshop I was there for. We were joined by some *very* intelligent women from other universities (I was the token male). My presentation went very well and the old work I was showing them is compatibe with how they'd just been starting to think. We had our 'Kaffe paus' on the balcony and watched the graduation celebrations for the Gynmasium (High School) next door.
- Prof and I went back to same restaurant. Had a lovely evening - work plus social chat. And she made me a work-related offer that will be *amazing* if it comes off. She's an early go-to-bedder, so saw her onto her tram. It's the first time I've been on kissing terms with a customer.
- Strolled up Avenyn (big street for restaurants) and soaked up the atmosphere of all of G'burg's high-school graduates out celebrating. Not a *hint* of trouble.
- Came to the Concert Hall, whose outdoor beer area is on a lovely, tree-lined canal. Heard Gil-Scot Heron's 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised' and instituted my policy of not walking past any bar playing Gil-Scot Heron. Few more beerseses. They alternated GSH with Van the Man...and later switched to Nina Simone.
- Back to the kebab bar. Chatted to an Ethiopian. Highlight was when they put on 'Habibi' (Egyptian pop song) and all the Iraqi and Palestian women got up and did some *incredibly* sexy dancing.
- Bed and an emergency sleeping pill.
- Next day, straight to the university where we sat and outlined something we can do for the next phase. My boss is going to like the huge subcontract that I've scored for the next couple of years.
- Had time to chat to the other members of my harem, who'd been away the previous day.
- Got on a train to Copenhagen...














...which is where the *real* fun started.

More...soon.

Sounds great!

And I thought it was the British who were meant to be the masters of understatement.

On a tangentially (as ever) related theme...

Researcher pocketprincess told me that the only phrase one needs to know in a foreign language is,
'Oh god no! Irish!'

I took a 'Swedish in Three Months' book with me. So that's why I fell off my chair and d when I came across:
'I am not an Englishman'.

I used it several time, with good effect. The Africans especially liked it.

Woah! It's not like I don't learn other phrases - that's just the most useful... in my experience, that and 'let me buy you a drink to apologise' cos sometimes you just have to apologise... even if you're not really sure why!


Trip sounds class Ed, how does one go about getting your job?? Am planning on heading to the Scandies myself for mid-summer (not til next year, can't afford it ) I lived with a Finnish girl for a while a couple of years ago and she told me about this festivals the Finns and the Scandies have where they all go nuts for 3 days cos they have permanent daylight - apparently there is no sleeping involved so I have to do it before it starts to seem like too much!

>>Trip sounds class Ed, how does one go about getting your job??

The thing is...this is nothing like my job. I'm quite puzzled by it. I think I fell into a paralel dimension last year. I presented a paper at a conference and a tall Professor approached me and said:

'We liked your paper very much. In fact...we love you!'

And since she's turned out to be the most intelligent person I've ever met - I guess it must have been OK.

'This could be the start of a beautiful (working) relationship.'

Denmark:

- Checked into my Christian-run hotel, just behind the Station. Basic but perfectly aqueduct as a crashpad. Buddhas in the lobby, so no evangie nonsense.
- Went around the corner for some beer and Gammel Dansk, Chatted at the bar for a few.
- Picked up a City Bike (free bike) and pedalled off to the lovely harbourside 'Nyhavn'. Had some more beer and Thai takeaway. You know how sometimes they make Tom Yam soup from a paste? Well here the ingredients were chopped and crushed fresh before my eyes. Delicious!
- Some ****er stole my City Bike, so I strolled back up the pedestrianised 'Stroget' (line through the o) and stopped at a nice bar that I'd been in on my last trip. They had a talented trio playing mainly cheesy standards - but doing them *extremely* well. What got everyone up on their feet was when they started the Stevie Wonder (Superstition; Hotter Than July) and *sepecially* Marley ('Could You Be Loved' - an impressive choice!). Three lovely girls who turned out to be archeology strudents from Gothenburg got me up - A man my age shouldn't be allowed to dance with women so young and so pretty! - and I danced like a mad, dancing fool.
- Bought a couple of Elephants to drink from a 7/11 on the way home (drinkink beer from the bottle in public is perfectly normal there).
- Got back to the hotel. Dodged the African prostitutes. Crashed.

***

- Breakfast. I was well impressed by the rotary cheese plane.
- Cycled off to see the grave af Soren Kierkegaard, about 3 km away. It was hard to find - a woman with a pram was having a problem too - but we got there in the end. Also say the graves of HC Anderson...and someone who I'd not heard of...Natasja Saad - Reggae / HipHop singer who died last year.
- Cycled down to the multicultural/ cool Norrebro district. Had an iced chai latte and watched people (well - women) walk and cycle by.
- Cycled down to The Latin Quarter. By this time it was almost respectable beer time, so grabbed an interesting-looking cold one from the shop and had it opened, in the Danish manner. Swig. 'Jaysus!' I looked a the lable: 10.5%
- Passed a respectable and not-at-all seedy sex shop (a relative term, in country that sells Amateur Piss DVDs right next to station platforms). They were advertising some of their products as 'Ergonomically Designed'...so naturally I *had* to go in! I had a fascinating conversation on the state-of-the-art in erotic technology with the 60+ woman who ran the place.*
- Went to see the Gunther van Haagens 'Bodies' exhibition in one of thye Tivoli buildings. Mind blowing! http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/
- Cycled another 1.5 km to The Museum of Wartime Danish Resistance. Facinating! Like...there was a vogue for wearing knitted hats in RAF colours...people scratched 5Kr coins so that they looked like the hammer and sickle...etc. I need a Nordic Researcher to help collaborate with on an Entry now.
- Cycled along the waterfront, past the queen's yacht (she was onboard), past an ammusingly-named Cayman Isles registered yacht, and over to Christiana.
- Maan. Christiana. I really *should have headed there first. Especially on such a lovely, summer's day.
- Made the dumb, entry-level tourist mistake of not registering the *Massive* 'No Photography' murals on Pusher Street and taking a photo of a Natasja Saad mural. I was instantly decsended upon by the Citizen's Militia:
'Let me see that phone. Delete it. Did you take any more? Show me...OK. Now - do I have to take your phone off you? No? You're going to keep it switched off? Fine!' I was impressed!
- After which I naturally needed a . Mellllloooowwww ...but of such high quality that I couldn't finish it - not if I wanted to stay reasonably compus mentis.
- Travel tip: Do not attempt complicated business travel after visiting Christiana.

I can't wait for my next trip. And the next. And the next.








* Recent discovery...girls...if you don't already know about this...Tesco sell a *very* discretely packaged product called 'Vielle'. I must have seen it a thousand of times before and assumed it was a treatment for cystsis or something. Google it. It's the first hit. You might thank me for it.

Sounds like a nice trip. I'd have enjoyed the chai latte and the visit to Kirkegaard's gravesite.

According to the first hit at Google, a vielle is a stringed musical instrument. They sell those at Tesco's?

Possibly. If they did, I'm sure they'd be inexpensive. Yes - clearlu I'm getting the UK hits. Add the word 'Dendron'.

btw...gift to follow

Oh, I see- it's like K-Y or similar products. They sell them in drugstores here, but not at all discreetly packaged. Not that I've ever shopped for any... but they're usually right next to the pharmacy counter.

I hope the gift to follow isn't anything embarrassing.

Yes that Vielle thing seems worth a go. But I was slightly put off by its claims to make the big finale of firework skyrockets come a bit more quickly. I like the whole build up bit to last as long as poss for maximum heated upness. You can visit all sorts of interesting places on the way. But if you've got a busy day I can see the benefits.

No, PC. The lubricant is an accessory. La Vielle itself is a nifty little thing that fits over one finger. No batteries required.

And they sell them in Tescos. What rogress we're making.

rogress? progress!

Ah, Ok- bear in mind we're not supposed to look anything sexy at the office so I just read the Google descriptions as opposed to looking at any actual advertisements.

I don't personally feel the need for one, either, but the fact that they are readily available for those who want them is definitely cool.

1) why aren't you allowed to photograph the murials?

2) my American colleague bought something like one of those 'Vielle' products from a machine in the ladies' of a Tex-mex restaurant in Mönchengladbach. Typical for Germany it has a workaday name: Lustfinger

I'm told they're *really* good, PC.

Sho: Pusher Street is the hash street. It's illegal in Denmark - but not in Free Christiana - where it's obligatory. They are paranoid about Security against the potential occupying force of the Copenhagen PD, whose intelligence spooks might be sending in operatives posing as dumbass tourists to gather incriminating evidence. They used to contract out to mercenaries from the Hell's Angels...but fell out. I'm guessing that the current guys (skinhead, tatoos) are hardcore Baltic Anti-Fa.

Whatever. They did their job professionally and politely.

Don't mind me. It's the Christiana blow talking.

Oh...and 2) These Vielles don't seem like tacky, cheap sex-aidy things of dubious reliabilty. They do seem to have been medically researched. And the forums suggest some *very* satisfied customers. And yet they're *very* discretely packaged and totally under the radar.

(Eek! Am I complicit in viral marketing here? )

Yup - the Danish S&M dame was right. These things have gone hi-tech!

Eg...they are designed to tear - like disposanle contacts - if you want to get one off your finger in a hurry. >