h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Indicators are widely misunderstood. Even my driving instructor was under the impression that they were fitted to your vehicle in order that you may let other drivers know which way you intend to go. This, of course, is completely wrong. They are fitted to your vehicle so that you may let other drivers know that you are aware of having turned a corner, left a roundabout, or changed lanes. For best results, indicate 10-30 seconds after completing your manoeuvre, and make sure they don't flash on and off more than once - it ruins the bulbs.

My personal favourite is approaching a round-about in the left hand lane (UK) indicating left - implying that you intend to take the first exit.

The is of course completely inaccurate. Your target exit is, in fact the second, or even better, third exit.

For added mirth value, try the procedure while towing a caravan, and reading a fully extended Ordinance Survey...

Has anyone else noticed the vast number of cars on the roads in the UK lateley, that do not have indicators fitted?

Regards

Mark

*comes crashing in through the virtual wall*

Hey, everybod-

*crashes through opposite virtual wall, never to be seen in the same thread again*

*comes back to the forum after 21 weeks and notices two enormous holes in the virtual walls*
What's been going on here?
Er, anyway, I think most cars do have indicators fitted, it's just that they don't seem to be wired up properly. That's why people indicate left and turn right, or just don't seem to be indicating at all.

In my part of the planet (Devon) we have a different procedure. The area is haven to loads of old people anxious to prove that they are the safest drivers in the country and not all these young upstarts, so here's how they do it. You intend to go straight ahead at a standard four-exit roundabout. Approach the roundabout in the left lane indicating right. (This is logical for traffic law court purposes as by the time you have deviated slightly left to go on to the roundabout, your 'straight ahead' exit is now slightly to your right, Officer). You now have a number of chances of causing an accident. A chap turning right correctly from the right-hand approach lane will now hang back because you are obviously turning right and you are about to cut him up. This will cause impatience with drivers behind him, which is his fault. If he doesn't hang back, cut him up anyway and if he hits you it's his fault because he hit you from behind, and anyway you were clearly indicating and he should have seen it.
Drivers wanting to turn left out of the first exit see your right indicator and quite unreasonably assume that you are turning *really* right, and emerge into the outer lane of the roundabout to turn left; you can then cut them up too, or even hit them, and again it's their fault as they must give way to traffic from the right. Drivers at more distant exits are also held up because they can see your right turn indicator and either have to wait or they can emerge and be bagged as for the guy at the first exit as above.
During the whole move, make sure that nobody is ever sure what lane you are really in, and feel free to drift across from lane to lane as desired. Remember that it is always the other guy's fault as long as you are indicating clearly.
The really great advantages with all this are that:
a) Your no-claims bonus remains intact as all the above accidents are the other guy's fault;
b) Old people get a reputation for safer driving (and therefore cheaper premiums) because they are never in an 'at-fault' accident;
c) You can repeat this at every roundabout you visit;
d) Best of all, these young upstarts are seen as accident-causers. Nobody will ever try and correct your indicator technique as there's nothing wrong with it and anyway you wouldn't listen if they did.

That's how it works. Clever,eh?

Nope Not clever 'cos it doesn't work with me possibly because I drive too fast i.e. the old codgers usually don't even see me until I'm well past.
This is, of course, the correct way to handle any situation on the road.