h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The door of the Temple slides open. It is dark inside, it takes a moment for the eyes to adjust.

Inside, a vast chamber opens out in all directions, the dome high above seems almost as big as the sky itself. Beneath the dome, aisles stretch away towards the center of the Temple, where a large stone alter dominates.

As their eyes get used to the interior light, visitors begin to notice the artwork on the walls.

*just inside the portico is a reception area for greeting visitors to the Temple. Manning the reception is a giant Computer who speaks in a booming but melliferous voice*


WELCOME STRANGERS, ARE YOU SEEKERS AFTER TRUTH AND ENLIGHTENMENT OR ARE YOU HERE TO EMPTY THE BINS FOR IT SEEMS TO ME TO HAVE BEEN SOMETIME SINCE ESSENTIAL SERVICES HAVE BEEN PROVIDED AND THINGS OVERFLOWETH SOMEWHAT

zrrrk trsjn ?

I KNOW .... AM I NOT THE GREATEST AND BEST LOOKING SUPERCOMPUTER EVER INVENTED TSK . THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE MONTHS AGO SHOULD THEY NOT ?

* with a faint hiss the door will slides back as a Temple Acolyte enters followed by some guests. A barely audible voice emits a message "Welcome, and please wipe your feet." *

*Follows the Bard in and upon hearing the faint voice, wipes his feet. Looks around*

*Also wipes her .*

Wipe my feet on what? This trash? Or that inch-thick layer of dust? *looks around, impressed by the monumental yet somehow cozy architecture*

*Enters the temple without disturbing the dust, a trait well-known among text adventurers*

*a meliferous voice booms out*

GREETINGS AND WELCOME STRANGERS

ARE YOU HERE TO ATTEND TO OUR CLEANING NEEDS ? IT IS SO VERY LONG SINCE THE TEMPLE WAS ADEQUATELY VACUUMED AND THE DUST IS SO BOTHERSOME TO MY CIRCUITS. EVERY BOT IN THE PLACE HAS PAINS IN THEIR DIODES BUT I EXPECT YOU KNOW THAT.

I didn't know it, but I'm not truly surprised.

Sorry, but we're not here about cleaning, directly anyway. Don't suppose you know anything about an orchid cure, do you?

*nonchalantly sets her nanogun to HOOVER and begins sucking up the dust in her immediate area*

*disappointedly*

OH WELL IF YOU AREN'T THE CLEANERS I EXPECT THEY'LL BE ALONG ANY AEON NOW THEN.

WHAT KIND OF ORCHIDS - AFRICAN OR EUROPEAN ?

FORGIVE ME FOR ASKING BUT I'VE HAD A BIT OF BOTHER IN THE PAST WITH LOOSE QUESTIONING TECHNIQUE

Orchid Skin.

And don't bother answering multiple questions if my questions are asked loosely. Any random tidbit of information is likely to be the key to escaping a deathtrap, after all.

*cautiously enters, looking around and thinking that what this place needs is a visit by the cleaning bot*

/* Follows Titania in, Zeppo immediately starts barking at Lil's nanogun */

TRICKY BUSINESS CURING ORCHID SKIN YOU KNOW .... YOU DON'T SEE MANY CASES OF THAT THESE DAYS

*ponders*

IS YOUR MEDICAL INSURANCE ALL UP TO DATE ?

*sneezes*

BLESS YOU

BLESS me?? Are you a religious computer?