h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Face like a bulldog licking p**s off a nettle...
Face like a box of frogs...
Not the sharpest tool in the box...
Thicker than a whale omlette (Blackadder)
Thicker than the Big Print edition of the Complete Works of Dickens (Blackadder)

Ah but I should have mentioned that pissa in Boston can also mean something that is quite funny or that you are proud of, but usually proud because of comedy or stubbornness. For example, you could say that a movie was a wicked pissa (I think this might have something to do with the idea of laughing so hard I wet myself), or if you child beats up another child at school for making fun of him then you might refer to your child fondly as "the little pissa". Plus even those without Boston accents (such as myself) still pronounce the word as pissa and not as pisser. therein lies the distinction.

in the context of a lazy tongue: a phrase heard while in Missouruh: "Ah fida gonna afta I leave heea." which I had to translate twice. First to "I'm Fixin' to after I leave here" and then to "I am preparing to do that, after I leave here"

Yes that is a definition of tool, but I was also referring to the usage of tool in meaning someone who is a social misfit, dumb, just doesn't quite get things right. Then that person is referred to as a tool, as in "Gee Bob just tripped and fell in the punch bowl. Man, is he a TOOL!" But I agree with the idea of assuming that words that one does not know refer to anatomy, although sometimes it can be female as well......I will let it stay at that....

'Yous' is also used in England, mostly around Liverpool. I think it has roughly the same meaning.

Somewhat along the same lines, no one has covered the phrases "got shafted" or "got the shaft". In usage, these phrases bring up many, many other slang phrases (now let's see if I can define it without using one of them...) meaning that something bad (perhaps humorously so) has happened to the person in question. I'll let someone else cover literal meaning, if one is needed.

Also, nobody has brought up "lame" yet that I've seen. Easier to use in context than define, as in, "What a lame deal!" and "That's a lame excuse", sometimes used in phrases such as "lame-brained" (as in lame-brained idea) and "lame-o" (not sure about the origin of this one. Not all that common anymore, either... I think it turns "lame" into almost a brand-name indicating that whatever is being referred to tipifies lame to teh point of being marketable. i could be wrong, though.). Also, "how lame" is a sort of sympathetic remark when someone is telling a story of something "lame" which happened to him/her.

Missouruh's not the only state with unique slang. If you want unusual slang, the place to go is Utah. Only in Utah are phrases such as "Oh my heck!" and "Goll dang" (dang seems to be preferred to darn) used more frequently than any "@#!%" you can think of. Also VERY common in Utah: freak, as in "It's freakin' cold out here!" or "What the freak is going on?". The derivation of that one is pretty clear. Some of these phrases (although, luckily, not "oh my heck") slip into general Mormon culture across the US (or at least the West).

This is actually a very localized dialect commonly refered to as "Valley Speak" for the San Fernando Valley where it is most often heard. The San Fernando Valley is one (relatively small) area of Los Angeles County. These expressions are heard elsewhere in the state, but I would guess that they are 1 to 2 *orders of magnitude* (read: 10 to 100 times ) more common in "The Valley" than elsewhere.

The similarity is very strong, but one should be warned of the very distinct difference between the meanings of American "dude" and British/Australasion "mate"—the noun form. It's perfectly all right to say "that dude over there" while "that mate over there" sounds a bit freakish; conversely, "one of my mates" is completely acceptable, whereas "one of my dudes" is a very bizarre thing to say.

Yunz probably evolved from the phrase "you ones," but I could be wrong.

I think it's much simpler than that in fact—lame-o is just a catchy, extra-obnoxious way to call something lame, because apparently "lame-a-roosky" was a bit of a mouthful.

And while I'm here, I'll leave just the one cliche in my everyday usage, which, no matter how much it's varied, always has something to do with crayons. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I just don't like crayons.
"Not the sharpest crayon in the box." (Not the brightest color in the box, as bright as the black crayon and nearly as sharp, and like that, you know.)

Southern U.S. terms:

Yous - replaces "Are You?" or "You are" - singular

Ya'll - replaces "You All" - plural

yos - replaces "Is this yours?" or "This is yours"

Geetyet - replaces "Have you eaten?"

Nop-djew - replaces "No I haven't, have you?" (sometimes djew is used on its own, such as "Djew do this?" and is modified when talking to more than one person such as "Dja'll do that?")

Ain't - similar to "aren't" but can also be used instead of "isn't", "am not", "will not" or just about any form, tense, or conjunction of "Is Not" *Note - the popularity of this word has been so great that it's been added to some of the new dictionaries.

statue - replaces "Is that you?" when answering a phone.
example:
receiver: "Jello?"
caller: "George?"
receiver: "Statue Billy Bob Joe?"
caller: "Ya 'tis, statue?"

Reckon - "Yes, I think so too" or "I guess I agree", such as "Yep, I reckon" following some statement or question that started with "You figure.."

Besá - Said when parting with a good friend or lover, often replaces "Okay I luv you, bye-bye" but in such a way that two males can say that the other means something to them without sounding like they are saying something sexual.

Booshk - exclamation when one hits, taps, slaps, bangs or performs some sudden and/or violent action to another. Also used in phrases such as "Booshk ya later man", "How ya booshking?", "Booshkn' spectacular!" or "I've had a Booshk of a day"; though there is no consistency with these other uses of the word.

Fubared - Really messed up, often used when talking about computers or a car that was wrecked (short form of "F^@&ed up beyond recognition")

Grondspindling Hassle - A person that gets in your way, and on your nerves, so bad that you'd actually contemplate killing them.

Bubba - Officially means "Brother" as in a male sibling, but is often extended to mean the oldest son of a family, such a kid is then stuck with the nickname of "Bubba" until they move out of the area.

Yeeantoo - replaces "Would you like to.."

I don't know if anyone mentioned this, but generally outside of America "yankee" means someone from America. Inside the USA, however, a "yankee" is someone from the North States (the Union during the Civil War) and people refer to Southerners as "rednecks."

I believe both originated during the Civil War, where the Union (generally northern states) remained Americans. I guess Confederates didn't feel they were from the same country or culture and used the outside term. I believe "redneck" was used to describe southerners because most of the south was made up of backcountry farmers (only about 1% of Southerners were plantations owners, but they controlled about 90% of all money in the south) who got sunburned on the neck. I believe that's how it goes...

However, both words are necessarily rude or bad. Some Southerners take pride in being "rednecks" and some Northerners take pride in being "yankees". My friend and I are from the South, and he calls himself a "yankee" because of the original meaning (an American). It just depends on that person beliefs.

"redneck" doesn't nessesarily mean someone from the south, it is a word that's usually interchangable with "hick" which is a back-woods kind of person with an extreme country accent and an assumed small vocabulary.

Also americans (or USer's as I like to call them) should beware using the word 'fanny' for bottom/bum as in the UK the word refers to a ladies lower genitallia, and you will get lots of funny looks if you start talking about your 'fanny pack' (bum bag)

Oh, thanks for clearing that up. I get confused sometimes...

And note that "are" in my last reply should have been "aren't"

Tool in the context you are using still refers to the male organ. Dork originally meant the same thing, but now almost exclusively refers to one without social graces, just like nerd, geek, dweeb, etc. Nobody talks about having a huge dork anymore.

Euphemisms for vomiting:
blow chunks, spew, hurl, pray to the porcelein god, honk, ralph
And in the most tolerant land in the world (yeah, right) we have a euphemism for every nationality:
Irish: mick
Italian: dego, wop
English: limey
Russian: commy, red
Hispanics: spic, wetback (refers to having swum across the Rio Grande river and entered the country illegally)
Japanese: jap, nip, nipper
East Asians: gook, slant
Canadian: canuck
And people from different parts of the country:
Georgian: Georgia peach
Southerner: depending on the area, could be a redneck, or a hillbilly.Just assume if they live in hills, they're hillbillies.
Wisconsin: cheesehead
Nebraska, Iowa, and other corn states: cornhusker
Louisiana (outside the cities, mostly): cajuns
And two slang-heavy and popular sayings about people from:
Texas: There's nothing there but steers (a kind of cow) and queers (homosexuals), and you don't look like no cow!
California: The cereal bowl of America. It's full of fruits (homosexuals again), nuts (crazy people), and flakes (lazy people, or people hippies. Please don't make me explain hippies.).

Italians are also guineas where I come from (which isn't any particular place so I imagine it's just a bit obscure—hard to say) and Southerners are also hicks. Though calling the South the South has always seemed a bit misleading to me. After all, is New Mexico not in the south? Arizona? Florida? Why, and I've always wanted someone to tell me this, why do we still only think of the Bible Belt when the South is mentioned? It's been 150 blasted years. I for one am over the Civil War.

Oh dear. Off the subject of slang. That reminds me of something. There seems to be a very popular fill-in-the-blanks expression that's been floating around for years and years, and it goes like this: "Well [verb] my [noun] and call me [name]!" I don't know why that format is so popular, but it is, and people are very creative about filling it in. Oh, and also, "[verb] me with a [noun]!" (Gag me with a spoon, knock me over with a wet noodle, etc—all the real cornball phrases in fact.)