h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

so here goes
discussing an issue of concern and its importance to me...what ive got is personal and global all at the very same time because this concern affects me, it affects you, it affects frieking all of humanity ... a universal concern i suppose - some call it disease, some call it sickness, illness, handicaps, plagues, AIDS, cancer, the quiet killer, the unstoppable killer, these little viruses and bacteria that cause so much pain, so much suffering, so much fear, so much sorrow, so much anger, so much bitter frustration and devastating tragedy among all of us...yes id say its pretty much a HUMAN concern...
its importance to me...well...
the summer after my freshman year, i volunteered at this hospital...for the first time i was literally face to face with these patients, these real live people, who were here in this hospital waiting for something--as little as a glass of water, as big as an operation, a miraculous cure--face to face with these people who i realized werent just case histories clumped together in some binders with sticky labels on them (sticky labels that i noticed changed from time to time, for better or worse...) -werent just case histories anymore, no not at all especially when i was walking up and down the nursing floor with my cart of ice and water and cups and napkins...and here was one man--weathered black face--and as i handed him a paper cup with some water in it, he said in the most gentle, grateful voice -thank you miss- but here was another man in another room so weak, so lifeless, so hooked up to machines and IV tubes that his humanity was fading away until even his pain, his suffering just merged with the machines pumping fluids into his body...like yossarian said, man was nothing without a soul... all i want to do is help these people-
seven and a half years ago my uncle died from a severe case of throat cancer - and god the thing that bothers me is that i dont remember the day i found out (i was only in fourth grade when life still seemed so damn happy) -i dont remember what day he died or when or how i felt or my parents faces when they told me the news... i remember two things - two things vividly - the time my uncle came to visit -laughing smiling only tiny wrinkles around his eyes when he placed a couple pennies in my hand and said -now youre rich- and then i remember it was december, fourth grade, a dimly lit hospital room ive no idea where, and here he was lying in this bed propped up by a couple pillow, and his face oh man his face was so terribly barren - dimdingy yellow like the hospital room - wrinkled weak and the life fading from his eyes no sparkle at all - and he said hello but in a voice - almost a voice i suppose- that was almost inaudible-scratchy and dying... and it bothers me that this is what i remember...
in this world, in this fast paced modern civilization where weve got the internet and communication circling round this global village, we-the human race- have conquered so many things and yet here is disease and its still without a doubt, plaguing us-our mothers fathers brothers sisters sons daughters mentors neighbors acquaintances ... the unimaginable amount of pain is so tremendous, so immense, that i feel compelled to do SOMETHING ...devote my life-a million times over-to studying disease, understanding and curing it...and giving these patients -my patients one day perhaps- a reason to hope, are reason to hang onto life to their humanity to their sparkle in their eyes - this i believe is why this HUMAN concern is important to me

Maybe there's a world of difference between fourth grade and fifth. I know that my great gradmother and great grandfather died earlier in my life, but, like you, my memories of them are hazy and ill defined. My grandfather died of brain cancer when I was in fifth grade -- and I can remember scenes of that day vividly. I remeber how I found out. Walking home I knew something was -- different. I don't remeber if I was excited or worried when I saw my dad's car in the driveway -- he was never home when I came home from school. I entered the house, and I can remeber that when my parents told me I had made my way all the way across the house from the kitchen to their bedroom, and I can see my view of their dresser drawer as they told me things like "we all knew it was comming" and "at least you had a chance to say goodbye" because I had visited him about a month before, but I was only in fifth grade, I didn't know I was saying goodbye forever and I can barely remember that visit now. I didn't cry, I didn't collapse, I didn't feel anything that I usually associated with sadness, I just felt completely empty. At the time I described it in a poem for english class as being "like a rainbarrel in a drought". I just wish I had known him better, and if you are dedicating your life to medicine I want to thank you, because maybe someday everyone will get to know their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, parents, brothers, sisters, children, nephews and neices better.

Incedentally, would you recomend volunteering at a hospital for someone who isn't going into medicine? Was that after your freshman year in college or highschool?

wow - that message really means a lot to me... i wrote this while i was trying to work out a college essay...writing things out really helped me sort through all the ideas inside me head. anyway-i really didnt know my uncle that well and maybe thats why i cant remember anything about THE day...thats life i suppose. i hope youre grandfather is resting peacefully now...
about volunteering (i did this after my freshman year in high school), i think its worth it even if you arent planning on going into medicine...i really cant say for anyone but me, but the one time that one patient smiled and said thank you--it sorta made me feel like there was a point to my little little world and my little little life...i dont know im just rambling now...but you should give it a try if youve got some free time...i wish i could do that now but im so damn busy with college applications
thanks for responding
-saffire