h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So - I invented a time machine.
It uses very little energy (in fact, it is powered by beer) and being the size and shape of a sofa, is quite inconspicuous. At the moment I can only get it to go through time forwards, however...

Is it just my imagination, or is that cat smoking?

But is it not arguable that time in the future soes not exist yet as time is a human invention and so can only be there when the humans make it be there, every other event is just a complex jumble of light rays and sub atomic particles colliding therefore the subatomic particles of the cat and the cigar are mashing into each other causing you to see that image as the light rays bounce of them, its not really a cat smoking...

it is my considered opinion that time can not be a human invention. As I have also seen the same smoking cat ever since I started powering my own time machie with beer almos 20 years ago, anyway as I was saying time can not be a human invention because the cat is definately getting older.

Time is real, but what happens in it may not be, as time is an absolute, all time can be considered to exist at the same, Err, time, which explains those extra demensions we rarely get into. There must be something in beer as a fuel for "foward moving" time machines; cause I got a cat that smokes and its been doing it ever since i started using beer, but the damm cat won't share its extra-long ciggerettes with me, pitty. . But; try vodka as a power source, then time becomes completely irrelivengt, and the cat begins on cigars..

If you can't get the time machine to move back wards, try using orange juice. Being almost the complete opposite of beer, it should in theory make you move in the opposite direction - however, I haven't yet tried it in case I end up floating eternally through time. Best try it with the cat first.

Orange juice? Don't touch the stuff, its evil and bad for you, so I heard. whereas, Beer is healthy, tastes nice, and makes me forget my cat, especially real ale. and I don't agree with animal experiments on cats that smoke my gear.

There seems to be a very worring trehd here, either smoking ats are drawn to the tachyon particles emited from the average time machine, or there is an omnipresent cat in the universe. My cat is strikingly black and white, can you please tell me what your cats look like.

I think it is a black cat, but my colleague, Dr. Heisenberg, is not certain

Errm, this is slightly worrying, my cat is totally black also, very very large, but not fat, just long, and frightened of anything outside.

ave u thought bout using coffee 2 get it 2 go backwards in time? in theory that shoud w*rk!

I say time is a human conception purly becaue if it was not then it is one of those scary things that cant really be explained without the extra left over fuel that powers our time machine and sufficient duress of the cat and so is left to religion to answer, Besides If you want to really blast into the future say to milliways then maybe some pangalacticgargleblaster is the fuel to use? Anyway, Time must be a human conception becasue we travel in time as we travel in other MAN MADE vehicles
???

how can time be a man made thing? If we had no concept of time, and we just "lived" we would still grow older. Since growing older is done over time, surely this is proof that time is not just a man-made concept, but a feature of the fabric of life? (by the way, I also have a black cat)

Ah yes, but we may well be the only living things to quantify time. Whilst I believe that apes (and cats) know the difference between now and before, I don't believe any other animal knows the difference between yesterday and last Tuesday week.

Time is an absolute, not a human creation, it is imperically linked with the speed of light (C), which has strong influences over the multi-dimensional nature of the universe. The Human aspect is provided by our naming of time, and catogrisation in to units we are happy with, "Would time by any other name still smell as sweet?" Wasn't it traditional for whitches to have cats?; black, this appears to be a trend. Oh, I tried using pangalacticgargleblaster, really, there is a place in Hull (UK) that sells them; not sure if they use the correct ingrediants as according to "the book", I don't think they would be able to get a supplier; the old Janx spirit, appears to be in short supply.

Time is not absolute by any means, according to the great man himself it is relative. I can personaly vouch for this as every time I am with my relatives time definativly takes a whole lot longer. Appart from this I'm getting increasingly concerned about our cats, or dare I say it, THE CAT is it possible that rhey are all one and the same (frightening is'nt it). Anyway the only 2 ways that I can see of solving the question are, We all start powering our time machines on the afore mentioned pangalacticgargleblasters, or alternativly ask the cat. while I find the second possibility terrifying if asked I might attempt it.

ps, shall we changed ford prefects name to perfect ford.

i say ask the cat. animals can b terribly more intelligent than us u know & cats in particular generally seem 2 have a better understandin of whats goin on than humans.

Well, I would just like to state, for the record, that while my non-black cat has never been seen smoking anything, I have found that fueling my own time machine, which is bed shaped and runs on rum, does not seem to require the use of a smoking cat, nor does it attract one. I have found that my time traveling device is limited only to short jumps of less than 24 hours each. If someone could try fueling a bed shaped time machine with rum AND a smoking cat, I would be very interested to find out if the results are different. I have found that 3 parts of rum cause an 18 hour time lapse, where as 1 part accounts for a full 8. I'm sure that there is some sort of point where this peaks (probably around 15 parts of rum I would believe) and if anyone can verify this slope with their own machines, I would be greatful. Thank you.

P.S. Cats aren't allowed in our dormatories.

I asked the cat; and she just wondered off, and stood overtly ignoring me by the food bowl, I once got my time machine to move foward 14 hours in a single jump, but that required a lot of fuel; 1 bottle Wisky, half a bottle of white rum, at least two (might have been more), bottles of beer, and a bottle of red wine. It took 5-6 hours to insurt all the fuel, and then, me and the chair had moved foward a remarkible 14 hours, and the cat, was on my lap before we moved foward in time, and still there after the "jump" foward in time. One or both of us was smoking, I am not entirely sure over this point for this particular Occasion.

I hate cats, but love most fuels.
I have noticed over the years that my time machine causes time to disappear and be replaced by inexplicable black (and white) holes. Bits of last week are already a bit vague, and 1983 seems to have disappeared totally.

Friend of mine had a smoking cat but it smelt terrible so he changed back to smoking cigarettes.

has ne1 thought that these s r schrodinger s*?


*4 explanation of schrodinger cat see 'The Unadulterated Cat' by Terry Pratchett