h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or else the windows all explode outwards and the fuel/oil/anti-freeze/engine also leave the car at fantastic speeds...

Accept nothing less than a black Trans Am with pursuit mode, cruise mode, a molecular bonded shell, turbo boost and an optional laser...oh, and an ashtray that analyses anything you put into it - "it's a fag butt, Michael...it's another fag butt, Michael".

Why waste all that money when you could have a black XR3i and stick one of those sweeping red LED thingies on it. They always impress me.

Nah....'68 Plymouth Barracuda droptop with a 440 Magnum 4 speed pistol grip and a Dana 60 under the rear! Now THATS' a car!

Sorry |But you Need A coachBuilt Cadilac 59 Impaler Hearse.
You know wityh one of those chrome Thingies sticking out of the bonnet.
Of course the Stereo system that you Blast out Sisters of mercy as you overtake funerals is essential

Now, this is the recipe to making the ultimate car:

1. Buy a cheap Volkswagen van, one of those hippy-mobilesque ones.
2. After replacing all the rusty bits and broken bits, respray it gloss black.
3. Replace the engine with either a 911 air-cooled V6, or a Lamborghini V12 (depends on financial circumstances). Or leave the old engine in there, if you never want to go above 40 mph.
4. Change the transmission to one more suited to a high-powered engine.
5. Buy the biggest and best stereo you can get, with dinner-plate speakers (six of them) and numerous treble speakers as well.
6. Bung the stereo in your van.
7. Put all your music onto a computer.
8. Connect this computer to the stereo (nb - use a small monitor).
9. Put some green lights under the wheel arches for a nice eery glow.
10. Paint an appropriate logo on the side of the van. Personally, I'd have Black Thunder written on it, with lightning behind it.
11. Replace the old seats with leather seats.
12. Drive around your local area, and see how long it is before you're pulled over and asked to turn the music down.

If you're feeling particularly extravagent, you could fit a new horn. Might I suggest one that can play custom tunes. If ou live in Britain, however, you'll have to make do with an airhorn from a lorry, since multitone horns are illegal in Britain.

There you go, you now have a perfect car.

For extra effect, as you pass churches (or the bible belt), play Marilyn Manson very loud.

Nice idea!.......but with that power under the rear, it might be best to "tubb" the rear, and run "50's" with traction bars!LOL

NM