h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Applied Maths - A53180813
Author: B'Elana [©] ACE- Minister of Abbr. - I won EotM <magic> - U230913

Inspired by the latest Stretcher challenge.

I have two teenage sons (well, one of them is a twen by now).

Suggestions welcome, as always.

Very nice.

I believed in these fellas...maths and beer, indeed...

Thank you.

Anything to show off at that age.

Great job, you really GOT them. Not sure your son would be entralled though.

Thank you, Elektra.

They'd be put off the whole story because of the language in the first place.

This is good. I certainly believed in the teenagers.

But it does stop rather abruptly.

Thank you, mvp.

I know it is short, but then I'm not sure describing how they spent the afternoon at the beach, maybe getting drunk would improve it.
As it is, I leave it to the reader to imagine that bit.
I am open to suggestions, though.

OK, I have now inserted a sentence and it reads:

Beer and maths, with a pair of legs thrown in for good measure. They got their iPods out and settled for a long, lazy afternoon on the beach. The imposition was well and truly forgotten now.

Is that any better?

Yes.

Thanks.

It's great to have the feedback here, because I knew it wasn't quite right, but couldn't put my finger on it.

A can that cants.....

I might suggest changing that to "tips over". Otherwise, a nicely observed scene.

Thanks, Bea.

Word exchanged.

They seem better behaved than most beach boys - but perfectly believable. And I bet they'll even tidy up before they leave

Thank you, Tibley.

I hope my sons would tidy up! And they and their mates are very well behaved - at least when they're at our home.