h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Having read through Mother of God, Empress of the Universe's 'Questions for God' don't you think we should give 'God' the chance to answer?
The rules are simple:
1. The question must have appeared in 'Questions for God' or you must be comenting on an answer here.
2. Quote the question before answering it.
Here's a few to get the ball rolling:

Question -I'd ask him which church actually *is* the only way to heaven.

Answer - None of them - Churches are man's creation. It's the way you live that gets you to Heaven

Question - Where do all the "other" socks go?
Answer - They get shredded and flushed down the drain by the washing machine.

Question - Do suicides go to hell?
Answer - No. They seem to be trying to leave it.

Question - Has anyone ever told you you look like Charlton Heston?
Answer - I think you're confusing me with Moses. Most people seem to think I look like Morgan Freeman.

Question - Why did you make so much suffering and strife in the world?
Answer - You are forgetting the scale of eternity. A little suffering is only a trifle inconvenience in eternity and gives your imortal soul something to talk about later.

Questions for God - http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F135418?thread=644466

I think the point was (other than the obvious one - humour) that we can ask the questions but the answers can only be stated by whatever being we imagine to be *God*, not someone who thinks they have a pipeline to *It* or someone who thinks they *are* *It*.

My first thought when I saw the title was:

*One at a time, form a queue!*

or

*What, you bunch again?*

Funny how things grow, eh?

The Questions thread came out of a book I started on my Adventure last week: "Questions for God". These books are a hobby of mine, something I carry around and get people to write or draw in, with a theme. The first was "Magnolia Thunderpussy's Day Planner for Spontaneous Sensuality", ideas for not-very-spontaneous people to schedule into their busy lives so their relationships wouldn't lose the spark of rrrrromance. The second book was "Treasure Chest: What Would You Hope to Find In It?".

Since I often go places alone it's a fun way to start conversations that can run a bit deep with all sorts of people, and they don't tend to be as intimidated by the Project as they would be by a somewhat eccentric and slightly cocktailed MoGgie accosting them with questions of that nature. Also, some people really love it when they're given 36 colored pencils and are told that they have a page all their very own to fill with their dreams, and I'll keep it safe for them. I always tell 'em that if they're sincere, and keep it strong in their minds, they can make their wishes come true. I like to think that sometimes it starts good things for people. Ya never know.

The reason I started Questions for God is that I get a kick out of writing sarcastic little fables about God from the viewpoint of his mum, and about the contradictions and oddities I notice in religions in general. The stories only come when something from outside whaps my Muse upside the head, hence the Questions. This is one of *my* ways of doing research. With fleshy people I like to ask them what they think the answer might be, once they've given me the question. It's a neat way to get a glimmer of who a total stranger really is, inside.

Your reason is *much* more profound and true, zoomer. Can I borrow it?(until I play pipeline )

That's a fabulous idea!!!

You should spend time scanning the pages in and put them on a website for the world to see.

I presume you mean the 'suffering' answer? Course you can

Question: When's the third book coming out?
Answer: I think you are referring to the two sections of the accepted Christian bible - Old and New Testemants. If this is so - you need to read some of the other religious works and be aware that they were all written by followers not I.

Question: Do you mind all these other religions breaking copyright law and plagarising your stuff?
Answer: See my answer above but be aware that the story of Jesus first appeared as the story of Attis a God worshipped in what is now Turkey about 1000 years BC and Noah's story appeared 1000 years prior to Genesis as the epic of Gilgamesh That in itself is a folk tale about the time when the Black Sea flooded at the end of the last ice age.

Question: When are you going to tell the Catholics to chill out?
Answer: I'm not. I believe in minimum interference.

Question: Why are all the fun things so bad for you?
Answer: Not so. Some fun things are bad for you it's simply a matter of learning moderation in all things - one of the reasons you are on Earth.

Question: Why did you put two versions of creation in Genesis?
Answer: Like any book it got revised through the ages and mistakes were made in translation. This bit simply got repeated and the different versions arose through mistakes in translation.

Question: Creation or Evolution - go on you can tell me.
Answer: Well actually they are the same story. Scientists are just beginning to realise that DNA evidence points to all humans being decended from a very small gene pool. Other anthropoids have much larger gene pools. The bit about Eve is not quite correct. I used guided evolution to create her and Adam. Of course you reolise my 'days' are much longer than your 24 hour day.

Question: How's Elvis and have you seen him lately?
Answer: I'm God. I'm omnipotent. I see everyone, alive or dead and he's fine.

By experience I conclude He sleeps múch better than I do.

MoG...ummm...yes (of course!).

Am I the only one here who's slightly confused?