h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The 'rents have gone away for the weekend and I _thought_ the brother was going to be camping for most of it.

I got home yesterday to find that he'd decided not to and I'll be seeing more of him than I want.


Strike one against him.

I put half a packet of cigarettes on the kitchen side, come downstairs to find that he's gone out with them and my mobile.

Strike two.

I fall asleep on the settee, am shaken awake by him. Asking why he's woken me, I get the reply that he wanted it to be "livelier" for him.
Then he says I should have gone out with him and his mates Why? So that I can pick at every single thing he says? "Drink changes things though." What? The only way it would change things is it would make it more likely for me to want to pick an argument with him.

"Have you got a tenner I can lend?" No. I only had a few pounds in my purse. Anyway, he orders a takeaway and goes to bed. I look for my fresh packet of cigarettes. They're gone. I eventually find them in his room.

This morning I came downstairs, looked in my purse to see if I had enough bus fare. Nothing but copper. He's nicked some money. After asking him if he's taken anything, he says "Not that I remember."

I go out and when I come back, he's got about five of my dvds with him.
I'm very funny about people taking my dvds and cds after losing quite a few (to him, no less).

Strike two thousand and twelve.

I know I'm picking on petty little things, but I can't stand him. I want to have an argument with him, I tried to last night, but he just goes quiet and doesn't say anything. So it would end up in being just another rant by me.

If you want to runaway, we've got an empty house all day tomorrow. And you can watch all our DVDs and listen to all my CDs.

B

But are they decent cds?I'm not sure about your taste...

And another petty thing. I filled the sink with water and put some pots in to soak. When I went back to the sink, he'd emptied it of water, put more stuff in and not cleaned any of it. Why do a stupid thing like that?

Oh, and happy birthday!

Have you tried calling him "lord Wolfden"?

RF

"But are they decent cds?I'm not sure about your taste."

Christ, woman, I've got 500 of them. There must be something in there that you like.

B

I've tried calling him lordWolfdens nickname, "tw*t".

Sounds like you need a lock on your door.

Stick a load of you underwear in his drawers when his mates are coming round, then burst into his room all upset like and demand he buys his own from now on!

Is he regressing in age? The more you rant about him the more he seems like he's becoming a little brat bearly into double figures.

He's always been like it. But after what happened, I can't make excuses for him anymore.

I've got no respect for him at all, everything that he says I jump on and twist it.

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your relaives.

Have you tried setting fire to him?

RF

From rant to arson. It's the old, old story ...

I've tried ignoring him, picking away at his being and calling him names.

Next up, arson

It's the natural progression. No jury in the land would convict you.

RF

Since he's stealing your things, if you're in a tit for tat frame of mind you could flog his things on ebay. that'll teach him.

Or set fire to all his things and *then* sell them on e-bay. As charred remains with an interesting backstory.

Here's an idea. Write "KICK ME" in big letters, and stick it to his back in a subtle kind of way next time he goes out.

RF

Your brother isn't secretly Balthazar B, is he?

>> Balthazar B <<

Who he?

RF