A Conversation for New York City, New York, USA
Collaborative Writing Workshop: A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Started conversation Nov 9, 2003
Entry: New York City, New York, USA - A1107992
Author: Jodan - Eight Ohioans on the 2003 Forbes 400 List!! - U201497
This is intended to be an eventual update of A199389 which I find to be a rather poor entry.
This is far from done, but I thought I'd toss it into the CWW and see if anyone has anything to add
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 9, 2003
I've only time to read some of this tonight. I'll try and come back to it later. What I've seen is good and well-written.
Some words I didn't understand: knock-offs, upscale
Manhattan has population --> Manhattan has a population
neighborhood --> neighbourhood (lots of places)
crime filled neighborhoods --> crime-filled neighbourhood
its stadium right is on the other side --- something wrong here. Did you mean to say:
its stadium is right on the other side ?
You mention Gotham was the nickname when the British took the city form the Dutch. Shouldn't you say 'bought' the city from the Dutch? And wasn't their name New Amsterdam? This deserves a mention. Maybe you say it later on in the bit I haven't read yet.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 9, 2003
Hi Gnomon Thanks. I was actually and truly going to proofread this one when it was about ready, but this makes it much easier.
Yeah, in the History Section it mentions the New Amsterdam thing. And I don't think the British bought the colony. They just arrived with their ships and New Amsterdam chose not to fight - they just gave up.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 10, 2003
OK, here are some more points:
on is an island that runs between --> and is an island that lies between
which is all in Manhattan --> which are all in Manhattan
former association to --> former association with
I don't understand your explanation of 'going to the city'. Surely as you state it here, the phrase 'the city' means Manhattan, not Brooklyn, so it is not a reminder of when Brooklyn was itself an independent city.
"The island is slightly southwest of Manhattan Island, which you can get to with the famed Staten Island Ferry."
-->
"The island is slightly southwest of Manhattan Island, and can be reached from there by the famed Staten Island Ferry."
(I think).
Big Applie --> Big Apple
a metaphor explain --> a metaphor to explain
times square --> Times Square
New Years Eve --> New Year's Eve
You can get to Liberty Island --> To get to Liberty Island
the general assembly is assembled --> the general assembly meets
The World's Capitol --> The World's Capital
The following is very badly phrased and I don't fully understand it:
(though they are not in direct competition with the Yankees, except if they met in the World Series, who are in a different league than them)
becauce --> because
nearby the Met is a modern art museum --> near the Met, is a modern art museum
nearby New York University --> near New York University
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 10, 2003
one of the most safe cities --> one of the safest cities
Places to Doo -- is this a deliberate mispelling? If so, it means nothing to me.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 10, 2003
Thanks again. I'll get around to this.
Yeah, Places to Doo is a terrible joke. I'll remove it, if you'd like
"I don't understand your explanation of 'going to the city'. Surely as you state it here, the phrase 'the city' means Manhattan, not Brooklyn, so it is not a reminder of when Brooklyn was itself an independent city."
Not my explanation It's from the original entry, I believe. It's a colloqualism that means going to Manhattan, not Brooklyn.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 11, 2003
Yes, but if it means going to Manhattan, it is not a sign that Brookly was once a separate city, surely, it is a sign that it is now all one city, and that Manhattan is the centre?
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 11, 2003
Manhattan was the more metropolitan city when they were two seperate cities. Therefore, Brooklynites referred to Manhattan as the city, considering Brooklyn to be more suburban, I suppose. It's like if someone from an outlying city of London said 'I'm going to the city', he would mean London of course.
If it was a sign that it was all one city, then it wouldn't make sense that one was going to the city, because you'd already be in the city.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 11, 2003
OK. I see what you're saying.
In London, you say 'I'm going into the city' meaning 'the centre of London (the business district)', even if you live in London. ANd in Ireland, we'd always say 'into town' meaning the centre of the town or city. So to me 'into the city' is an indication that Brooklyn was not a separate city but just a suburb of Manhattan. I'll take your word for it that that's not the way language is used in America.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 11, 2003
More.
I think you should move the picture so that it is beside the section of the entry to which it relates.
The paragraph which starts "New York City is full of places to visit" has the word "tourism" too often in it.
appall --> appal
will announce this when this happens --> will announce it when this happens
circle, some --> circle; some
in the Netherlands. --> in the Netherlands).
about about --> was about
Around this time - at the turn of the century --> At the start of the 20th Century
(this avoids the repetition of 'around this time')
through the middle of the 1900s --> through the middle of the 20th Century
the city had adopted the image of --> the city had acquired the image of
(adopted means chosen)
Applie --> Apple
bing --> bring
The following sentence is an ugly one: "The World Trade Centre was built in 1973 - which most New Yorkers regarded as ugly and having a bad effect on the skyline."
I'd suggest you reword it as:
"The World Trade Center was built in 1973. Most New Yorkers regarded it as ugly, with a bad effect on the skyline."
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 11, 2003
Not quite a suburb, something larger, but you've got the general idea.
Am I that bad a speller? Wow. They'll be fixed.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Nov 12, 2003
Do New Yorkers really have a reputation for being unfriendly? Anybody I know who went there always said that the New Yorkers were friendly and helpful, always willing to lend a hand if you were lost in the Subway. And that was before September 11. If they are even friendlier now, great!
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 12, 2003
Definitely. I don't think it's completely true, which is why many are very friendly, but they definitely have a reputation as unfriendly. True or not.
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Judge Mental Posted Nov 12, 2003
I certainly don't have anything to add to this entry - my only slight worry is it might become TOO long, and perhaps benefit from being split into more than one entry? Then the individual sections could be expanded on even further. Just a thought.
Really good read though. Is there REALLY a plastic tubing district? Amazing.
Have found a few typos and grammar bits etc.
"The island is slightly southwest of Manhattan Island" = south-west
"there are several small specialty districts in New York" = speciality
"John J Fitz Gerald named his horse racing column" = horse-racing
"rated as one of the most safe cities in America" = most safe = safest
"living up to its self proclaimed title" - self-proclaimed
"Guggenheim Museum (whose actual name is the The Solomon" = only one "the" needed!
"shows one great aspect of living in New York. The public toilets." ---> York: the public toilets.
"There are dozens of good hotels in New York city" = New York City
"graffiti has become a major source of embarassment" = embarrassment
"The Rangers of Ice-Hockey" = Ice Hockey
"When the US became an independant country" = independent
"Around the middle of the century, the population about about 700,000" - only one "about" needed!
"Until then, New York City consisted soley of Manhattan" = solely
And in the footnotes...
"'New York minute', which is a coloquialism refering to " = "colloquialism referring"
"It was an island, until the area seperating the island" = separating
Jaysus, that's a lot of stuff. I think my eyes are blurring!
Judge
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
Judge Mental Posted Nov 13, 2003
Just to comment, I think New Yorkers DO have a reputation from being unfriendly, however true or not this may be! Probably Hollywood doesn't help New York's image.
One part of the article says:
"One h2g2 researcher explained-
We aren't always rude and pushy. We can be very polite and gregarious."
I think the word "commented" or similar would be better than "explained", as it's more an opinion than an explanation.
I was also a bit confused by...
"Next to Orlando, Florida, (home of Disneyland) New York has the most tourism of any city in the United States".
I read the first bit, and thought - hang on, New York isn't next to Orlando! Maybe "Apart from" would be a better way to start the sentence?
Lastly...
"sitcoms set in New York City, (and there are a great many) living in New York" ----> sitcoms set in New York City (and there are a great many), living in New York
Judge
A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
J Posted Nov 22, 2003
There was once a time I could spell.
Anyway, all done. D'ya reckon this is ready for the Update Forum, then?
Key: Complain about this post
Collaborative Writing Workshop: A1107992 - New York City, New York, USA
- 1: J (Nov 9, 2003)
- 2: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 9, 2003)
- 3: J (Nov 9, 2003)
- 4: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 10, 2003)
- 5: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 10, 2003)
- 6: J (Nov 10, 2003)
- 7: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 11, 2003)
- 8: J (Nov 11, 2003)
- 9: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 11, 2003)
- 10: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 11, 2003)
- 11: J (Nov 11, 2003)
- 12: Gnomon - time to move on (Nov 12, 2003)
- 13: J (Nov 12, 2003)
- 14: Judge Mental (Nov 12, 2003)
- 15: Judge Mental (Nov 13, 2003)
- 16: J (Nov 22, 2003)
- 17: Judge Mental (Dec 2, 2003)
- 18: Judge Mental (Dec 2, 2003)
- 19: J (Dec 4, 2003)
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