h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay... I feel a story coming on!

Come one come all and contribute to this fantastic tale of wonder! Let's see what we can come up with!

One time there was an ogre called Glim who...

....had always dreamed of becoming a handsome prince.

One late evening, whilst going about his usual evening of chasing Gnomes and Fairies, he happened to stumble upon an unusual witch,

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...who wore knee-high boots, mini skirt and a black leather top. She looked up from her bubbling pot at the ogre.

"Can you turn me into a handsome prince?" shouted the ogre. The witch turned down the disco music playing on her stereo.

"What!!!?!!!" she screamed.

Just as Glim went to repeat his request...

.....an odd little bird landed atop his head and did a bit of a jig...
finding this all a bit odd the ogre began to wonder if he had come to the right place to make such a request....
little did this ogre know that he wondered aloud and the witch heard every word he said.....
upon hearing his thoughts she turned towards him and.....
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....her beady eyes twinkled. With a short little cackel, she asked;"Do you doubt my power? Would you like a small demonstration?"

*With that, the Ogre.....

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...thought to himself, "well... what's the worst thing that could happen?"

That was exactly the sort of thing he SHOULDN'T have thought because...

....unknown to him, the old witch could hear his thoughts. In a sudden flash of light and a huge column of smoke, the Ogre became......

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...Celine Dion.

"Arrgh! Oh the horror! THE HORROR!!!" cried Glim.

"Serves you right," growled the witch who left him for a while before turning him into...

...an Ogre once more....at this point Glim counted his lucky stars that the witch had some heart and did not leave him in that state permanently .....
after a moment the witch cackled and looked at Glim with a glimmer in her eye....so you say you want my help? so you say you deserve this? well, i do nothing for free...in order for me to grant your request you must.......
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.....Get me a date with the Bee-Gees....all three of them!"

A look of dispare crossed Glims' face, "but...but I don..."

"If you want my help, this is my price!" the witch insisted.

Glim thought for a moment, and replied.......

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"As long as you don't mind dating dead people... you're on!"

So, with that, Glim sets off on his "Quest To Seek The Bee Gees"

"Well THIS is a fine pickle I've got myself into!" Glim thought. "I know one of the Bee Gees is no longer capable of movement, so it should be no problem to find HIM, but what of the other two..."

*A still small voice breaks his concentration.....but...but...*eerrmm...uuuhhh....Little Brother Andy died.....he was never a part of the Bee-Gees.....The three are alive and well and living in southern Florida, US*

With this revelation, Glim placed his hand to the top of his head and thought......

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......hhhhmmmmm, there has to be a way to trick one of those fine looking chaps into returning to this awful place.....but how???....
*thinks some more then with a sudden jolt he jumps up and smiles from ear to ear*....I KNOW!, I KNOW!...i have the perfect idea....
all i have to do is......
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*ooh aunty - that makes things hard! *

Go to Florida! But how do I get there? And where exactly is Florida? I've never heard of it.

So Glim went off to find out. He consulted his good friend...

.....Zeldar. He was an old owl who resided atop the tallest tree at the edge of the forest. Glim was sure that, if anyone knew where Florida was, Zeldar would know! After all, from his home high in the trees, he should be able to see it!

After some long thought and quite a few "HHMMM"'s and "Let's see"'s the old owl raised a wing, pointed and said.....

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......'how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll centre of a tootsie roll pop?'.....
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"I could answer if I knew what one was!" squeeked Glim, who was by now feeling very uneducated indeed.

A fairy delicately fluttered up...

"Mr. Owl.....would that be chocolate or cherry?....and what has that to do with Florida?"

"By the way, Mr. Ogre, my name is Geanie, I will show you where Florida is if you will do two things for me!"

Glim's eyes grew close as he thought for a moment, then responded......"and what would those things be?"

"Well...for starters, you could tell me your name. After that, for your second great task....eerrrmmm..."(at which time she flew up to Glims ear and whispered.

Glim smiled an understanding smile and nodded his agreement to the deal.

With that their long adventure began!

On the first day, all went with no unexpected problems...but...on the rise of the sun on the second day Glim arose with a start!.....

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.....for the fairy had bit him on his nose....being a bit upset by this Glim shouted 'WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR??!!?!?!?"...the fairy just smiled and pointed to the clearing just ahead of them.....what Glim saw made him smile....he saw water! lots and lots of water!!..."does this mean we are there? we found florida?"...no, said the fairy, florida is on the other side of this water that you see before you. we must find a way to get there from here....it is the only way.
looking a bit overwelmed glim began to try and think of a way to get across...having no boat on hand was a bit of a challange but it did not slow him down in his attempts to cross the water....
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"What if I hired one of those long distance swimmers to take me across?
I'm sure I could find one around here somewhere."

So Glim started a following the shoreline. What he saw next wasn't a long distance swimmer at all. It was a...