h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 From the makers of 'Little Red Leather Jacket' and 'Snow White and the Seven Chartered Accountants' we present a fairy tale of very silly proportions!

Are we sitting comfortably? Let's begin:

Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived in the mountains...

A flashy little fairy called Wadda who liked to....

...eat peanut butter and fish sandwiches in the bottom of the garden. Wadda was doing this one rainy morning when she met...

Voddo, a wicked little piskie who lived in the woods and liked......

...to pull the wings off fairies and sell them to poachers, who think of them as some kind of aphrodesiac.

"My my my," thought Voddo "A pretty little fairy. I might just go down there and...

....and see what I can get out of her before I must.....

... do that naughty thing that I do sooooooooo well!

At the same time Wadda, quite unaware of all of this, was reading one of her favourite books....

*gets comphy up against the wall*...don't mind me, just enjoying the story .....
the wallflower

....Wadda is leaning against the wallflower, quite unaware that at sometime it will have a major impact upon her life.

Her book is called 'The Mystery of the ......

sparklies, and it is a rather intriguing book recounting the tale of one legendary fairy and here incounter with the rare but beautiful treasures she found while traveling in the.........

Grand Canyon, before having her wings pulled off and falling to a bloody, hellish death 500 feet below. When Wadda finishes the book, she's a bit disturbed, but reminds herself that it's only a fairy story and can't be real. She the lays down for a little nap, while...

...Voddo sneaks up beside her and begins to read 'The Mystery of the Sparklies' (well done Monsy)
Unfortunately this unhinges his mind further and so he.....

goes into a blind rage, kicking a nearby dandelion.

"Ow!" exclaimed the dandelion. "What was that for? If you kick me further I shall...

have to release my flowery fine petals on you which will immediately cause you to suddenly.......

Be swarmed by the pollen they posess while a bottle of Benedryl is held barely out of your reach by the fairy you've been spying on lately. So I recommend you get along now, and not cause any trouble.

Voddo suddenly sees the error of his ways and begins to perform a most unusual ritual to right his wrongs.....this dance causes the dandelions to.......

...summon forth the Queen of all the Flowers! The queen (who happens to be quite a lovely Tulip) steps forth and looks over the naughty pixie who continues his dance.

"What on earth is he doing?" she regally whispers to a nearby poppy...

who sagely tilts his head to one side and considers the problem quite seriously, until he says...

"Buggered if I know. Ma'am." was the only reply as he moved away.

"Pixie! Stop that at once! Come over here!" commanded the Queen. "Now explain what it is that you are doing. At once!"

Voddo stopped what he was doing at once and went over to the Queen of Flowers.

"Well....

....ma'am, it is a purification ritual of the highest order that must be completed by me and me alone, or otherwise the sky will cave in and that poor little chicken will run around screaming again, and we don't want that - do we?"

And he skipped off in the direction of the pond, singing softly to himself...