h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*listens intently out of extreme curiousity*

AACH-CHKUM




chkum






excuse me

Toots: Go on, Billy, tell Harry here about the money, and how you lost the loot. I know more then you think I do, hon.

Billy: I don't know what you're talking about. *turns to Harry* Your secretary here's crazy, I didn't do nuthin! I don't know what she's talkin' about!

Toots: He knows d*mn well, boss, and if he don't start tellin' you I got plenty to prove what he did.

Billy: All I know is that....

*cue eerie music and screachy violins*

At that moment a strange collection of rats, cockroaches, tiger swallowtails, monarch butterflies, bees, egrets, cormorants, praying mantises, seagulls and perhaps most omniously horseshoe crabs burst out of a nearby room.

This bizarre turn of events causes....

causes the wallflower to sink farther back into her corner hoping she can go unnoticed.

They all watch the procession of birds fly out the window. Unfortunately for them it was the same window that the poodle was to be thrown out of. The pile of feathers grew steadiy as each bird hit the closed window. The dog was tarred and feathered.

Alfred Hitchcock lumbered into the room.

Hitchcock: Sorry about the birds.

All watch as he leaves.

Harry: So Billy, what's this about the money?

*at the mention of money the wallflower retreats a bit farther into her corner with a look of worry on her face*

What money?? I deny all knowledge of any money.......go on Toots.you tell em....I'm completely monetarily illeterate......

*kicks a small black bag behind the nearby plant*

Harry: Aha!!! THAT money!!!!

Toots saunters down to where the black bag mysteriously reveals, and tosses it over to Harry.

Billy: If ya open that bag Fondue, you'll be sorry...
Harry: I'll be the judge of that!

Harry Fondue opens the bag, revealing...

*contents of bag are shrouded in shadow*
....very little

*Harry starts to redden and choke, he ......

*attempts to slowly saunter over to the nearby window in order to hopefully climb out of it unnoticed*

...*unfortunately it is the same window that the dog was thrown out of.
Harry's head connects with the......

...window and collapses into the heap of poodle and bird corpses.

We watch from his point of view as he blacks out. The fuzzy image of Jimmy and Toots laughing is all he sees until finally he can see no more.

Fade to black.

Jimmy and Toots in cahoots?
Whose side is the wallflower on?
What was in that bag?
Is this the end of Harry Fondue, Private Dick?

Find out (or tell everyone yourself) in Crimes Of The Spleen - Act 2!!!

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=12857&thread=16901