h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I can say this on here. I dont know why. I dont know whats pushed me to do it or why. But this weekend I've snapped. Ok well i snapped a couple weeks back first but just once and not properly. Then yesterday i took a stanley (how is that spelt?) to my hips. 12 red marks later and i felt so serene. Just watching the blood... it made me feel real again. But i dont know why i did it? Ive started again coz i know in myself I'll do it again. so its not just slipping is it?? I've failed again...

Oh honey you need to change something, change something about what you're doing to try and make sure you don't. What happened? You're not a failure, this kind of thing isn't bad in that way, if that makes any sense.

*As an ACE* *I must warn that this thread could get yikesed due to the suitability of such content on a family site. I advise anyone under 16 both not to read this thread and not experiment with self harm. The BBC does not condone or promote such behaviour.* That out of the way...


If you're anything like me you may have done it to feel human again, to put and to the emptiness and Loneliness - to remind yourself that you are still alive. The pain, the blood the act of destroying a piece of oneself can all do this... Don't let your innner critic get at you by making you see this as a failure. It's a change of state. You Succeeded in going more than year without it and you will achieve a change of state back again.

Love and Hugs...

hi sweetie,

I was going to suggest that although it is good for you to talk about this to your friends here you should also seriously think about looking for some professional help at your end. Talking is good but none of us here is qualified to give you proper advice.

Having gone for more than a year was a wonderful accomplishment for you, which is not diminished in the slightest by you having had this recent setback.

Is there a trusted councellor or therapist you can talk to where you are?

az

To be honest I dont feel anything I can say would be adequete. Just know that we are thinking of you hun.


and big s

I am here for you as well, but do listen to what the others have said.
For what it is worth, I have had artheritis since I was 10 and have a huge problem looking in the mirror. All I see is this lumbering Frankenstein with a neck that will not move, but over the last 30 years I have come to terms with the inner "Demon" and it no longer controls me. It takes time, but you can do it too.
Take care x

Hey guys. Thanks...

Stealth - sorry for the possibility of getting yiksed... i think all that is abit of why i did it again. And exam stress and friend stress. Yesterday, I went of the wall. I never go fo the wall im the most subdued person normally, but then we were trying to arrange seating for the summer ball with in our friendship group. We have to go on two tables and we fixed it one particular way. But a couple of people didnt like it so redid it coz they dint want to sit with x y and z. My only request was not to sit with this one person's boyfriend, coz last year he'd accused me of aborting somebody else's child and not dans. Anyway... I lost. Theres a few people in my group who feel its ok for them to kick up a fuss about not sitting with x because they dont like them, but that i have to sit with this person because its the only way we can work out the tables and I'll just have to deal with it. Coz im such a doormat they think i'll be fine with it but yesterday i lost it. And then they said i was making a fuss over nothing. Maybe i am. hmmm

Az - how are you?? I've seen people before and it never seems to help much. Matt's a great help. bless his socks. I know you shouldnt go running to friends too much. So i try not to but i know he cares so thats a help.

Patrick -

Doc - i never knew that. Well clearly not after all i've not known you so long. But thanxs for telling it. It makes me feel abit better somehow. Now im worried im a sadist/masochist... I cant tell if im lying. About what happened yesteraday, im scared im lying about what the boy said. But then im sure he did. But what if it was a lie? And i think ive lost the friendship of his g/f now.

Clearly some serious chill out time to yourself is in order. Not sure about where you are, but down here it is a gorgeous day. Can you get out a bit today? Take a book, find a riverbank and just sit under a tree and take it all in. Might help a little.........

It sometimes takes a bit of 'shopping around' before you find a councellor or therapist that you can trust. That past times haven't helped much doesn't mean that there are no professionals out there who might make all the difference. It only takes one.

And I didn't mean to imply that you were running to friends 'too much'. I meant that while friends can offer support and comfort they probably cannot offer you the real help you need to heal yourself.



az

To be honest I've never gone to any form of professional help despite the number of times I've been told even ordered to. I'm a great believer in the ability of the self. There are no shortcuts to happiness or solving these kind of problems... I know. While dealing with things on your own can seem a horrific idea I think I'm stronger for it. At the end of the day its taken along time to get to where I feel I can talk about things. I'm not completely sorted and nor do I expect to be at this minute but I believe in myself to believe I can sort myself out. One of the lessons I've always lived with from my nan is: pick yourself up because no one else will. My method may not be the best, but its what has kept me here to the day even when i've tried to end it all

You seem to be following the same process I use by sorting yourself out.
With the artheritis I have kept the demons at bay for 30 years now, but every so often a black mood descends and I just need to be by myself.
It does pass though and they are getting fewer and fewer - I guess like yourself, hopefully. It does take time, but I only ever went to a counsellor once and I hated every second of it. I decided I was best equiped to deal with my own problems, so I wish you all the luck with yours. We are still here if you want to chat about it though!

"There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path".

Why is everyone here so beautifuly lovely about it all?? I think i go with the thought that if you need help you should be able to help yourself. So i try that. Presently im in a non exisitant state. Im in a dream trance like state and im not feeling things. Maybe thats why i flipped. Having said that though, theres been so many tears over the last few weeks... meow! Oh i dont know. Its less than a month until the first anniversary too... Az... how did you hack it?

Too much

Which I heartily *do not* recommend.


az

lol.... but appart from that??

That actually wasn't meant to be funny.

It probably helps that I'm quite a bit older and have seen so many cycles go around that I know things are always going to change again. Sometimes you just have to ride it out. Other times it *does* help a lot to get professional help. Other times it's good to get involved in projects to distract oneself. And then it passes until the next year. But it does get easier.

az

I've found a way to deal with it all today. Im free from 10.15 til 2.30 so im going to the pub with my friends. Then after school im going to a different pub with Matthew.... so hopefully my mind will be kept off it all. Not that im drinking. Ive given up alcohol for 6 weeks til the ball so i can slim down. (like im ever gona stick to that)... mmmmuh.

youd be surprised how much you can lose giving up alcohol, i lost a stone when i gave it up last

If only I drank anything, then I could give it up and lose weight heh heh...

i never used to drink till i came to uni


s