h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Another drama blog, when you thought there wouldn't be any more for months

If you read the Scrooge and Nutcracker blogs you'll remember I was asked in December if I could take part in a play in February. At the time I had to decline, as I was already committed to the Nutcracker.

The play went on without me and won first prize in a festival of one-act plays . However, one of the runners up decided to reprise their play as a double bill with one of the other groups' ones, and guess which one they chose? The person who played the part I'd been offered declined the chance to repeat it, and so I was called last night to consider being in the play again.

I went to a meeting in someone's flat and I was given a few more details and a copy of the script. After some shilly-shallying I agreed. The play is to be performed over two nights in three weeks time in a small theatre on the other side of the Island.

My role will be that of a Dutch Police Inspector on the trail of stolen diamonds in a farce set in an Amsterdam brothel, hence the prostitute reference in the thread title

The pygmies are nothing to do with the play. This refers to an unrelated request made by the person asking me to be in the play, in their capacity as props/wardrobe mistress for the Panto next Christmas (Robinson Crusoe), for which some children will need 'tribal masks'. "How many masks?" I asked, she looked furtive and replied in a whisper "Twelve", as if it would sound less when said quietly

She also assured me I'd be paid for time and materials. I said that was what I was promised for the last Panto the group did (Dick Whittington - the rat king mask and giant food), though it had not materialised She said she wasn't in charge of props then, this time it would be different. At least I'm getting a decent amount of time to make them this time and won't need a to achieve my goals.

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You're like me - can't resist doing one more thing!

Sounds fun, though three weeks isn't long to get you up to speed - is it a big part?

It can't be too big a part - the play only covers 32 pages, and takes about 40 minutes to perform. That said my yellow highlighter marked up half the pages with my lines when I went through it last night, though compressing it into estimated pages of dialogue I'd say I have only about ten pages to learn.

I don't know about you, but I find the lines aren't the trickiest bit - it's learning the right cues to recall them.
Written and e-mailed this morning my bio and attached head&shoulders shot for the programme. The plan is to rehearse on Monday evenings, with the possibility of further rehearsals just with the actress playing the Madame (who most of my dialogue is with).

That certainly sounds different... Hope all goes well. Cue-learning is indeed an interesting art, particularly in plays where some characters have many very similar lines.

Yes, that's a nightmare. I usually find long speeches much easier to learn than snappy little bits of dialogue - especially when you can't guarantee you'll get the correct cue, or even a cue at all!

Sounds like fun Pimms. So this is a week after Me and My Girl? We're going to need a calendar to keep track of you guys.

A flying Marley to a Dutch Inspector.

Ah, another play, Pimms? And more masks to make? sounds to me if you are right in your element! Actually, it sounds like fun. I'm not sure I could learn one page of dialogue--let alone ten--at this stage in my life, but it would be fun to try. with it. I look forward to reading about your endeavors.

No chance of me learning my lines before first rehearsal, which should be tomorrow evening, but I've made a stab at learning my first three scenes. Sometimes I write the lines out, this time that would be a hefty chunk of typing, and I've just read them in the bedroom leaning on the radiator, watching myself in the full length mirror.

Not being familiar with genuine Dutch accents I have experimented with various 'euro' intonations implied by the lines. It will not be a surprise that Chief Inspector Andre frequently sounds a bit like his French counterpart Clouseau, though German and Swedish lilts have also been tried "Yes, that is what I said" appears a few times in the script

The other cast members said they had deliberatley allowed the euro accents to lapse into Scouse (Liverpudlian) occasionally, so I am not too worried

'deliberately'
Also made a start at researching Pygmy masks today, using links from my own entry

Have printed out four pages of masks - one link provides further links to *masses* of African tribes, each with their own images of masks and figures. I browsed a few and picked Pende and Zyama masks. I'll see what the props mistress wants (she was also the make up who did my wig in Scrooge - it's a small world )

Are all the characters Dutch? If they are, you don't really need to do an accent, surely? If there's a mix of nationalities, then I can see why you'd need to.

Two English burglars, a French and a Dutch prostitute, the Madame and Chief Inspector (also Dutch I imagine)

Oh well. Is it a bit 'Allo 'Allo?

I will find out at the rehearsal this evening. Irritatingly at lunchtime one of the other cast members emailed his apologies to everyone else, and said due to commitments with the musical he is also in he won't be able to take part in the rerun at all
I queried this with J, the one who phoned me last week to ask me to take part in the play, and she said she was working on it, but it may come down to asking me to play his part, and getting someone else to play the Inspector (which she reckons is a slightly smaller and easier role to learn)

Pimms,
Which part would you rather play? At least you may have a choice now.

How are the pygmy masks coming along?

It was thrashed out last night, and considerable pressure (bribes and cajoling) placed on one actor from the other play being performed to learn the missing part in our play. He eventually succumbed after we had done a read through (in 35 minutes), drank tea and plied him with numerous custard creams.

Much appreciation of my sustained Clouseau style interpretation of the Inspector's part Most hilarious moment: when I chat up one of the burglars, who is disguised as a "Veronica, the Viking Queen", which leads to him knocking me out with a right hook.

In the performance in the festival, when the director played the Inspector, he concussed himself at this point, due to hitting his head on the floor when landing. I shall endeavour not to emulate this feat - apparently he was seeing stars and had to order his body to get up for his next cue a minute later.

Pygmy masks won't be physically started until after the show, but I have had some feedback on the images I provided (half face, with high forehead, tied on, without wire reinforcing), and suggestions on 'mass' production - using balloon as base and cutting it in half to make two proto mask bases.

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Did he see any particular constellations? The extent to which some people are prepared to suffer for their art is astonishing...

That is definitely not something to try and copy.

Apparently I fall "behind the sofa", so I should be able to collapse safely without being seen to cushion my fall. The director's problem was caused by trying to avoid collapsing onto his bad knee, which he'd done in the dress rehearsal