h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We've just been put onto a new IT security thing - the whole internet's blocked, except for the Beeb. Which is fine by me. But that's not why I bothered to write a new journal. No, that's because the sheer comedy of what I've been informed by Connor, our line manager, needs to stand alone and apart from the malaise of my other entry.

This, in suitably epic fashion, is "Connor's Testament"

"Erm, yeah. The thing is this. We were informed on Thursday that you'd be coming in to start on Monday. But on Wednesday, the work you were signed up to do was cancelled by the management - so you're just here to look busy. Kelly Services will complain if we get rid of you, so you'll have to keep doing the catalogue thing until your work's back on. Which could take more than the 6 weeks you're contracted for. You could be here for longer than you think."

Oh no I couldn't. I'm deciding if this paid waste of my time is better than going back on the dole.

What a joke.

I know unemployment works differently there than it does here (not worth getting into details here, though), so I'm perhaps not qualified to make this judgment. But I'll give you my opinion, anyway.

IMO, in most cases, if you can earn even close to as much on unemployment as what any given potential position would offer, and the potential position isn't worth your while for any reason, you're better off taking unemployment and spending the time pounding the pavement and/or sending your portfolio out rather than droning away in something that won't go anywhere.

Just my , though.

*Bearing in mind that our system does not require that an individual accept offers for temporary work in order to maintain eligibility for unemployment benefits. (When I collected unemployment, it equaled 75% of the salary my prior employer had paid me and twice what most temp jobs offered; I didn't start temping till after my 9 months worth of benefits were depleted)

Well I signed off from Jobseekers Allowance, so I can't actually claim any benefits for at least another 5 weeks. I'd then be able to claim £47.50 a week, compared to the £250 per week I'd be getting here.

The problem is, once I'm back from work, I'm too tired, demoralised and demotivated to get onto the job hunting sites - so it's doing my career prospects no good at all.

Ugh.

It's hard to offer someone else advice when their circumstances can be so different. A few years ago, my inclination would be to stick with the mind-numbing, soul-destroying position because I couldn't afford not to. Now I've got someone bringing in additional income and sufficient savings to get by even without benefits.

So part of me still thinks you're better off walking... even though my pragmatic side says stick with it if only as a stop-gap on your CV, which is probably otherwise brilliant.

Our waiting period here is only one week, but if you take a temp job and then leave of your own volition, you're no longer eligible for benefits. Do I understand correctly that if you left this gig, after five weeks you could sign on again? Still... it ain't much.

I agree that it's damn near impossible to do any job hunting while you're at a job all day, especially one that's so bad as to completely exhaust you physically and otherwise.

Yeah, it's a quandry. My finances aren't too bad, especially when you take into account that I'm still with my parents (how lucky that we weren't planning to move out until next year?) - but I could probably do with the extra cash that comes with this.

I need to sleep on it...

Written my notice. Handing it in tomorrow.

Can't say I blame you.

I really do think that if you're not in danger of any serious financial difficulty, that you're better off spending your time searching for suitable permanent work.

Perhaps, in the meantime, a decent temporary opportunity might present itself. But it sounds to me like this gig is a waste of your time and talent.

Sounds me like they're doing their best to drive you out so they don't have to pay you..... And Kelly don't give a toot about sending people back - they'd just have to say the contract's cancelled - end of ! That's why they use agency staff.

I've written a nice snotty letter to send to my local branch and the head office, if anyone wants to hear it?

Ooh, yes please

Apologies for massive word count. It's not being sent until Monday, so if anyone spots a mistake, let me know!!

_______________________________________________________________

To Whom It May Concern:

This is a repetition of a request made to my Kelly Services Manager when I handed in my notice, dated 31/7/08.

Following the termination of my contract with Kelly Services due to deep dissatisfaction with both yourselves and the company I was seconded to, I wish for all my personal details to be removed from your records as soon as I have been paid any outstanding wages for work carried out. I further request that I am never again contacted by any branch of your company.

These requests are due to the deliberate misinformation from Kelly Services as to the nature of work I would be contracted to do and the general ineptitude I have encountered at every turn whilst dealing with your organisation. These criticisms are outlined below, so that you can hopefully review the way your company handles its “Secondment Employees”.

Firstly, I was misled by your staff about the nature of the role I would be undertaking at Vertex. When the position was first offered to me over the phone, it was described as an “8 week copywriting/editorial role”. In reality, my role at Vertex was that of a glorified spellchecker, noting down website errors on a spreadsheet. This could be forgiven as a miscommunication between Vertex and yourselves, if it was not for the fact that one of my fellow KSEs had been sold the role as a “web design and development opportunity”. This suggests that your company is in the habit of deliberately lying to candidates in order to place them in roles which they would otherwise never consider.
This was compounded on 31/7 by information from our Vertex line manager, that the job we had been hired to do had in fact been cancelled by the management of Vertex before we were approached by Kelly Services, and the work we had been carrying out up until then was merely an exercise to keep us busy.

Secondly, your company seems unable to carry out even the simplest of tasks. For example, I had to do the following simply to provide details for a reference:
· 24/7: Provide a written telephone number, web address and postal address to ‘Jessica’ at the Stockport Branch.
· 25/7: Provide a written telephone number, web address and postal address to ‘Emma’ on-site at Vertex.
· 25/7: Email over a telephone number, web address and postal address to ‘Jessica’ at the Stockport Branch.
· 29/7: Provide a telephone number and web address to ‘Jessica’ at the Stockport Branch over the phone whilst pointing out that by now you should really have details to obtain a reference.
This inability to handle candidates re-surfaced during my first day on site at Vertex when I (and three others) was kept waiting until 9:30am to see our Kelly Services Manager, then kept waiting variously in an upstairs seating area, the staff canteen and the main reception until 12:30 before anyone explained where our workstations were, or what work we’d actually be doing.

In short, my brief association with your company has been a farcical comedy of errors which I hope never to repeat. I do not wish for a written apology, false promises or indeed any sort of contact from you. All I ask is that as soon as I have been paid, you remove all my personal details from your records and review the way that you deal with candidates so that other people do not have to suffer the deceit and ineptitude which seem to be the trademark of your company.

Yours truly,

You don't think that maybe it might be a little vague, that they won't grasp the subtleties of why you're handing in your notice?

I hope they might piece it together...

Well written, that man! Come and work for me answering complaints if you like

You have my email, my wage demands are reasonable...

That's a shame. Our pay is about as unreasonable as you can get

I think it's a very well written letter. I hope they get the hint.

Sorry you've had to go through this, but better luck with the next offer!

Just biding my time. I need to be told how to log in to my online timesheet in order to get paid. Once that's been done - in goes the notice.

Handed it in - the Kelly Services peon tried to blame Vertex. Bless.

Still going to be sending my snotty letter tomorrow!