h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Warhammer - A962921
Author: RYU - U205115

Please could you read through , I would like it to be edited
Thank you very much
RYU

I don't think this is ready to be in the guide as it is. Here are some quick points that I thought of as I read.

It needs a lot more depth, you just get started and then link to the offical site. (I did this with my first attempt too) I don't play, so I can't say what should be include, but characters/worlds etc.
You need to remove the 1st person references (these aren't allowed in the edited guide)
You need to explain Warhammer to someone who knows nothing about the subject, and that means nearly every detail. What's a space wolf, what's in the rule book, I know it's a lot, but that's what is needed.

Searching for warhammer on the site, brought up lots of pages which contain a lot more information than your article. Maybe you could talk to their authors and create a combined entry.

Sorry to be a bit brutal, but none of it's personal, just want to make this a great article.

SallyM

Second this.

Why not take a look at some edited entries in the guide and take your ques from them?

It's a big subject and one that needs a lot of explaining to the layman.

Good luck and ask for tips if you need them.

I think that this probably needs quite a bit of work before it's suitable for the edited guide. The main problem seems to be a lack of focus, and that it isn't completely clear what the entry is supposed to be about. If it is about Warhammer 40K, then I would get rid of all mention of other gamesworkshop games, and focus solely on Warhammer 40K.

If you do that, then I think you need to talk about how the game works. Not loads of detail, but a broad overview of the game. Also, a brief-ish description of the major races in the game is probably in order, as well as a mention of the general background of the game.

I notice that you currently concentrate on the space marines when talking about races. Whilst it is possible to have an entry concentrating on them, I think at the moment it's probably best to talk about the game in general here, and perhaps have such an entry later on, when you've got an entry to link back to.

I also agree the comments, that you need to assume that the reader knows nothing about the subject. There are many points where you refer to things without telling us what they are. For example, the references to the Horus Heresy, Imperium, and Codex Astartes.

OK but i think that it would take up a lot of time and it would fill more than 10 pages , i am not joking , it is a very complex and long game , it would take me week to do this

Sorry i've not replied, computer went pop

If 10 pages is what it takes then 10 pages is what it'll need. But when subjects get that big, they're generally done as university projects (which means lots of articles on the same/similar subject/s). This may be a bit too big for one person, or take too long when real life gets in the way. Have a think about how much time you've got, it's not a problem to think that it's just a bit too much at the moment, you can always come back to it. The trouble with something like Warhammer is that if you miss just one character out, someone will complain because it's their favorite.

What do you think?

SallyM

Yeah I guess you are right, I wil mak it a lot longer byt I am going to do it on the back ground info instead.

If possible can you remove your article from Peer Review and make sure you give me a bell when you've done some more articles, or even if you want to chat

SallyM

So, Ryu, are you still planning on working on this one?

Your entry seems a little bit basic, and apart from the Space Marines you don't seem to have lot of information at hand. I could gladly help you with this entry, as a long time 40K veteran myself. If you wnat me to, drop me a line.

Psyc

If you don't fancy expanding this entry too much, why not rename it as something like "Introduction to Warhammer"? and explain why it's only an introduction.

I would also recommend chagning the style into GuideML, it looks a lot cleaner. Believe me I used to do my entries in plain text and I was much happier when I was "converted" by a fellow researcher.

There is actually another entry in peer review at the moment - A1047485 - Warhammer - The Game of Fantasy Battles
Not sure how this will affect yours, i just mention it as if you feel you need to do alot of work on it, it would be a shame to do all that and then find another entry has made it into the guide, so yours couldnt be accepted, unless it covered a different aspect. just thought i would mention it.

Mort

I wonder if they could possibly be combined into a single entry?

Given that this entry was in PR first, I would find it mildly off-putting if it was "pre-empted" by the other entry, even though the other one is more clearly written.

Certainly would be, a collaboration sounds a good idea if both authors wanted to. 2 heads are better than one and all that

Mort

It looks like RYU has elvised, last posting on the 19th of May, so I propose a move to the flea market.

Could I suggest back to entry instead, as there is a Warhammer entry going through the sub-editing stage as we speak.

You've got a point Greydesk, but assuming you mean this entry: A1112194, that focuses on Warhammer - Fantasy, whereas the subject of this thread (A962921) mentions Warhammer - Fantasy very little, and is mainly focused on Warhammer 40K, with a mention of other games as well, so the entry this thread is about could still inspire an entry that doesn't conflict with the existing entry that is being edited, although the title of A962921 (warhammer) is misleading.

Also, there was already a Warhammer 40K entry in the Flea Market, which has been picked up and is ongoing here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A1109440

So, back to entry - and this material might potentially be used in filling out the A1109440 entry.

The Apprentice

Propose a return to entry.

The author is MIA and the material has already been incorporated into other guide entries.

I'll second.