h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tomorrow, I depart for Florida in search of the fountain of youth! And some family
Thanks to Dennis passing the peninsula so quickly, I won't have to put it off.

I've left instructions for some UG things at the Pig and Slag, but here are some things for the general h2g2 population if they're reading this-

- Hypatia - I want to know how bad the Cards are beating the Reds in the standings... but if the Cards are at the top of the division and the Reds at the bottom, I don't want to know.
- Kat, I want you to relax, alright?
- Frood and Waz, I left my miner-whip next to the rat poison... I trust you know what to do with it.
- Scandrea, as the only Ohioan that I know of subscribed to my journal, I'm leaving you as the temporary Pooh-Bah of Ohio. Try not to declare Dayton a geological preserve or something while I'm away, because I have to live there.
- Pinniped, you'll have to bloat up your ego to make up for mine in my absence. I'm trusting you.
- Scouts, I have four entries in PR I think are ready to be picked
- Paul, spynxxx, md, Phred etc don't let the AWW go to hell.

Yes there are more, but I have to pack. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access or not (I'm guessing not), so until I see you next, be it here in Ohio or in Florida, behave yourselves

So what you're saying is that I can mention that the Cards have the best record in the National League as long as I don't mention that the Reds are at the bottom of their division 20 1/2 games out of first?

OK. I won't mention it. But cheer up! The Reds are now ahead of the Rockies in percentage points.

Give Mickey a hug for me while you're at it. But not Donald. I don't want to hug Donald. Have fun. We'll miss you.

Yes. Exactly. Thanks for not mentioning it

I only want to hug Mickey and Goofy. Don't care about the rest of them. However, if they're in a pack (or gaggle... or whatever), and you hug one of them, they might feel offended if I don't hug them.

Oh well.

I could be persuaded to hug Daisy. Or even Huey, Dewey and Louie. But I draw the line at Donald.

Goofy is too tall for me to hug. Of course, you are tall, so you could get away with it.

Minnie?
By the way, what is the exact relationship between Mickey and Minnie? What about Pac-Man and Ms Pac-Man?

Questions...

Did I ever tell you I have a Minnie Mouse watch? Not a cheap kids version, either. A good one. A Pulsar limited edition.

I always assummed that Mickey and Minnie were brother and sister.

Are you wearing it right now?

I dunno. Mickey seems so happy, he can't be alone.

I'm going to watch a movie now. It's called 'Blast from the Past', with Christopher Walken. I love Christopher Walken

No. I need a new battery. I have to go to the mall and get one.

Enjoy your movie. I need to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning because the AC man will be here at 8 to install my brand shiny new AC unit. Did I tell you my HVAC system was fried by lightning? He relplaced the heating unit on Friday and jury rigged the AC to get it to come on. But it isn't at all happy. It is making a dreadful noise. I expect it to give up the ghost any minute.

Beware the crackers. Beware the gators. Beware the misplaced New Yawkers.

Bon voyage, Jodan.

Have a nice trip!

(Glad I don't have to do anything)

It got hit by lightning, H?
Wow. I guess you were lucky it didn't hit the house, but unlucky at the same time.

I'll look out for crackers, md You look out for the AWW.

Have a nice not doing anything, Taralome

I trust myself to use the rat poison in a sensible manner. Don't know about Waz though. Think I'll hide the Jell-O mix.

Have a nice time, don't let Pluto lick your face.

I think they put sandpaper on that Pluto's tongue. Sadistic bunch...

In case you need to initiate someone new, I left you some butter in the fridge in my office (there's a small window you can crawl out of your office through - it's called a ventilation duct, I think) and the squirrel is in its cage. The burlap bag is in my office too. It's filled with my hundreds of fan mail letters (see Pin? The loss of my ego needs to be balanced) right now, so that should be emptied out.

Okay, I'll get right on to all that. *starts whittling his desk.*

Is that sarcasm?

Goons! I mean, Guards! Go take his desk and put asbestos, two cameras and some snakes in the janitors closet.

"Shoore boss, buh whah are the kam-ir-uhs for?"

I'm thinking a new reality series - "Escape from the Janitor's Closet"

*a loud rattling gives away the fact that the Frood has escaped into the ventilation system*

bwahaha! I shall return! Ow, there's some nasty sticky up screws in here. Someone ought to do something about them.

Havn't you seen those latest Disney commercials on TV? Snow White looks to have been recruited straight fom Hugh Hefner's stable so if anyone is to be hugged that's a good place to start. And end

Have fun and be safe

I wonder if she'd believe it if I told her I was a dwarf...

Sheepish?
Smelly?
Smug?
Idiot?

Ok, I'm leaving right nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnow.
Now.

Nnnow.

Ok, now.



Now!

He went before I could say anything! I am devastated!