h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So last week I did a letter to the 7th billion human. I enjoyed and that, combined with listening to a bit of Pink, got me thinking it’d be cool to do one to my teenaged self. This letter format may or may not become a regular feature of my NaJoPoMo – I haven’t decided yet

Dear Paddy (don’t get used to that name, you’ll get bored of it fairly soon),

So I’m writing to my teenaged self and there’s really only one sensible time to write to – late 1999. Sorry to say your world is about to go to hell and it’s really going to suck, but I know you can feel it coming and this isn’t particularly news. For what it’s worth, while it’s as bad as you fear it’s going to be, you’ll get support you never dreamed of and it’ll show you how much some people really love you. They’ll be there for you when it gets really dark and with their help you get through it. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy, but you’re stronger than you realise (and it’ll take you a *long* time to have the slightest inkling of just how strong you are) and the people who look after you are in it for the long haul.

I guess I’m writing to reassure you and (because I know you have little time for sympathy, but loads for practical solutions) give you some advice and tools for what’s coming. You’re really going to hate the first one, but tough - deal with it, because it’s all about the emotions you feel you can’t have right now. Love people, and allow yourself to be loved in return. Be able to express that love to people and you’ll get it back in spades. A lot of the mistakes you’re going to make (and you make some spectacular ones) in the next few years are going to stem from your inability to express yourself and it’s a shame because, particularly in the next few years, you have a beautiful way of expressing yourself. In the next 6 months you’re going to see, but not understand, just how much MP, RP and PM care about you. Accept that they can and will go to the ends of the Earth to make sure you’re okay and give you a bit of stability. Don’t feel guilty for accepting that help: you’ll have quite enough to be angsty about as it is. Once you figure this out, you develop the most amazing relationship with all three of them and it’d be cool if you got started on that earlier than I did. Oh, and learn to love yourself – it’ll take some time (I’m still working on it) so the earlier the better. To sweeten the deal, within the next year you’ll meet the love of your early life and you’ll have a relationship with them that lasts right until the end of uni (yes, you’re gonna make it to uni – more about that later). I’ll not spoil who it is, but it’s a relationship that will define you and how you see the world for the next few years – enjoy it.

The next bit of advice is a good one because it requires you to do next to nothing and saves you a lot of energy. Stop worrying about who you should be and trying to force yourself to become that person and instead, just chill out and relax - it’s not about who you should be; it’s about who you are. Right now you’ve lost sight of who you are because you’re too busy running blind, trying to keep yourself in one piece, over the coming months it’s all going to be too noisy and unsettled but it does settle down and then you’ll be able to stop running and listen to what’s going on and who you are. Take that time and stop pushing. Related to this is your brains: yes, you are very bright and you go on to do very well at both school and uni, making MP and RP very proud, but never think for a second this is the only thing you have, nor the only reason people like you – in fact some people like you in spite of your brains. You have so much more to offer than just your wits, things that won’t ever desert you and will end up being your biggest assets.

Don’t ever apologise for how you’re feeling and stop trying to bottle it up – it doesn’t work. You’re not and will never be inclined to wallow in your emotions for too long and feeling them helps you deal with them. Your life really sucks right now, it’s only going to get worse so pretending everything is fine is just plain daft and ends up failing miserably – you might as well learn it now, but you can’t successfully lie to MP: he can see right through it. This knowledge will come in handy – so save yourself the hassle. Similarly, around 18 you’re going to suspect something is wrong with you: that instinct is right but it’s nowhere near as severe as you fear. Get help then and don’t wait, as I did, for another 7 years because dealing with it is unlocking a lot of your potential (it’s my current work-in-progress so I’m only just figuring it out).

As for the family: the only comfort I can give is that you end up with a wonderful family as soon as you stop focussing on the people you’re related to and start seeing who supports you – that’s the main reason for my first bit of advice. Stop worrying about what others think about your relationships with the people you’re related to: most people don’t care that much. It’s hard though and I can’t really say anything that’ll make it easier. Sorry about that.

Other stuff you’ll get mostly right so I’m not going to give too much specific advice/warnings. Never apologise for your taste in music or literature – it turns out to be one of your best things. You’re a complete geek, but you manage to be quite charming with it so embrace it. Don’t get into fights with middle-aged women when you’re in your early-mid 20s: you do it a lot and you lose every single fight. University is amazing and you’ll really thrive there. Finally, I know you’re figuring it out already but for the avoidance of doubt, you’re gay. Really gay. You get almost no hassle for it from anyone, which is very cool, and your lack of issues around it come in very handy.

Like I say, your world is about to go to hell in a few short weeks but you get through it because you’re strong, smart and are loved. Never lose sight of those three things and you’ll be okay.

See you in a few years bud,
You + 12

Wow. Just wow.

This is partly a pre-emptive strike, I tend to go downhill a bit at this time of year, and this was to remind me things ain't so bad. It was also pretty cathartic to write.

I'd just like to kick my 14yo self's ass.

I don't really know what to say here, but I couldn't just leave a calling-card. I remember 14 being a shit of an age, and I had a relatively easy time of it.

Catharsis is good. I could do with a bit of that on a particular subject, but I'm not sure I can manage it just yet.

But mostly I'm coping with realising that when you were 14, I was 28. Hell.

Nothing to contribute other than I am deeply touched by this.

Aww Bless.. If we ever meet I'm going to give you such a long


lil x

I read this last night HonestIago, and at the time wasn't awake enough to string a sensible sentence together to say how moved I was - and am again on a second reading - of this. To realise how young you still are ( 26?) and to express such maturity of insight is something else. I am amazed.

Not sure I would even know where to begin to write anything like this, especially to the gawky schoolgirl I was at 14.

I wonder what I could ever write to that younger self, anything that would be understood or make sense? Nothing that would have made the first pair of decades easier, nor even a pair of decades that happened somewhat after that. Your honesty and clarity are to be admired, HI.