h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Q) Have you ever celebrated a holiday from another country or tradition?
A) I've celebrated Christmas in Yorkshire – and eaten Yorkshire puddings with my Christmas dinner. Does that count?

I often feel that we end up celebrating Christmas the American way rather than sticking to British Christmas traditions. Such as calling Father Christmas 'Santa' etc. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that, but it does lack individuality. I'd love to be able to go back in time and see a more traditional Wight Christmas, such as that described in WH Long's '1886 Dictionary of Isle of Wight Dialect to which is appended the Christmas Boys' Play'. It describes how the Christmas Highlight would be going to the Village Inn to have a drink and watch the Mummers' Play, which would feature Lord Nelson as a hero (Hooray!), Napoleon Bonaparte as a villain (Boo hiss!), along with Father Christmas (John Bull), Mother Christmas, King (Saint) George, Turkish Knight, Valiant Soldier, The Doctor (not ) and Gurthead and Blunder, the comic relief. A typical excerpt is:

Here comes I — wold Father Crismus, Welcome, or welcome not.
And I hopes wold Father Crismus, Will never be forgot.
As I don't come onny once a year.
We should all like to taaste your wold strong beer;
And now I'm come I han't got long to stay.
But my sons and I wull make a little spoort avore we goos away.
Zo ladies and gentlemen gimme room, vor room o' you I praay.

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How is it celebrated on the Isle of Wight nowadays then?

Same as everywhere else in the UK, really. Christmas trees, turkey and roast potatoes, Dr Who Christmas Special and Queen's Speech on TV. Christmas stock in the shops every day from September, a market in town on Christmas Eve. Tinsel and baubles everywhere, with the same Christmas songs played loudly in every shop.
It all seems to be about shopping and food. There are still some am dram pantos, though. My kids are a bit young and wouldn't sit and watch something like that yet – hopefully next year.

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Ah, yes, pantos. They're not known here.

Pantomimes are always enjoyable and a big part of Christmas – my older sister always seems to end up starring in them. They do have them on TV and large professional theatres, but they're arguably best and more in keeping with the spirit of Christmas when done in small theatres performed by enthusiastic amateurs.

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There's often something on for the childrn at the Alte Oper here in Frankfurt, like Hänsel und Gretel (the opera) by Humperdinck, or some fairy tale or similar. It's not even too expensive, but it's nothing you'll find in small towns.

There's a Babes in the Woods pantomime, which has a similar plot but isn't really the same as Hänsel und Gretel (the opera) (Oh yes it is! - Oh no it isn't!)

Pantomimes, alas, are very expensive to attend. The Mayflower Theatre in Southampton, though, considers itself above such things, which is a shame.

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I thought the Mayflower just did trashy West-end reruns? Maybe it's changed in the 20 years since I went. Didn't they used to call it the Gaumont, or was that somewhere else? Went to a couple of rock concerts there.

Mummers plays would be fun. I wonder how you would update them? Who would be the villain now, or rather would it be acceptable? Wasn't there a hoohaa about the village in Cornwall or somewhere that burns effigies of politicians and celebs and such on Guy Fawlkes night (as per tradition).

I suppose pantos are the outlet for that now. But pantos are pretty good. I'm contemplating taking my son to one this year for the first time. I used to take my husband, but he just thinks it's more evidence that al Brits are crazy.

(Yes, I do think extra points are in order).

Yes, the Mayflower theatre, the largest theatre in the South of England, does still do West End re-runs, and always does west end shows around Christmas as it thinks it is above doing pantomimes. It was the Gaumont and in the 60s and 70s they held concerts there and the Beatles, Rolling Stones and Queen have all performed there. Former H2G2 President Peregrin works there, and he has said that the owner always books his showbiz friends and what he wants to see, rather than pay any attention to anyone else, which is why every summer there is constant Jethro and Jim Davidson.

Mummers plays aren't particularly politically correct, but then Shakespeare isn't either. But Shakespeare is classed as high art and Mummers' Plays are common entertainment or 'folklore' at best.

Go on - take your son to a panto!

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I think you mean the bonfire societies of Lewes (Sussex). They burn anyone and everyone, notably the Pope. If you oppose it (e.g. in a newspaper column) then they'll burn your effigy too.

Shockingly, the Mayflower have Peter Pan this year!
So, who did you see there?

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I can't remember the rock concerts - I'd confuse it with the ones I saw at Portsmouth Guildhall.

I do remember some dreadful Paul Nicholas Gilbert & Sullivan show (Pirates, I think) after it became the Mayflower.