h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

you don't know me but i'm a lead singer in a band and mi have NO friends on h2g2 please be my friend i'm the mighty peach king
Are you trendy?
If so you die now
If you werwen't so far away or i was so puny compared to your enevitable mighty strength my holiest of gods.
I like comedy, I like bunnies, I like guitar, I like long hair
If you don't like me fair enough.

Peach

?

Well, as long as we don't have to go steady, I'm okay with it. But please be gentle. When people try to kill me I tend to turn them into grasshoppers, because I can. Then I torture them to discover if they know how to spit.

you sound like a lovely role model for impressionable youg me to talk to
I live in N.Yorks in a dull village so i have nothing interesting 2 say so tell me about yourself

Peach

One of the reasons I spent oodles of hours doing a personal space here is to answer all the intrusive questions that keep popping up. Now I know it's probably a drag but try reading my stuff and you might get a clue about where I'm at or coming from okay? Then if you still want to pose intrusive questions I'm okay with it and I'll try to tell you whatever lies you want to hear.

I won't lie to you and tell you that I read all your long long long long long long text but I got the basic jist of it.
Would you lie to hear a strange but true story?

POODLE NOODLE
An old couple were having a holiday in the east with their pet dog and went to a restaurant. They couldn't understand any of the menu so they just pointed at a random dish. Their dog needed to eat too so they pointed at the dog and then pointed at their mouth, indicating eating. Thewaiter took the dog away to the kitchen supposedly to rustle it up some grub. The couple sat at their table looking around at the other diners, the fat man, the tall man, the husband and wife that ate without saying a word. Finally, their dish arrived it was on a platter with a cover on. The waiter set it down on the table and removed the cover.
The couple saw a pile of noodles, garnished with cuts of dog meat and decorated on the top with the red collar of their prized poodle. The collar had a bell on it it tinkled as the couple sat in unblinking astonishment.

Hope you liked it, I've decided that I'm going to post it on my Personal Space as it would waste if I just typed it for you.

Peach

That's a pretty peachy story, Peach. Did you know there's another more ancient version that doesn't involve poodles?

There was this countess who fell in love with a troubadour. Now, this sort of illicit love affair was very passionate in an age when marriages were arranged for political convenience, however, there were severe risks involved.

When the count found out, he had the troubadour murdered, his heart cut out and roasted and his blood mixed with wine and served together to the countess during a special banquet.

When the count broke the awful news to the countess after she had finished the repast, she remarked with tears in her eyes that the meat was more succulent and the wine more reminiscent of ambrosia than she ever experienced. She then got up from the table, went to the window of the dining hall and cast herself down on the rocks far below.

The people of the village that surrounded the castle recovered her remains and buried them along with what was left of her lover and the count was left to brood all alone.

WOw! great story. lots of death!!
If i was the countess i wouldn't habe killed myself i'd have just a sked for a second helping!!

Peach

Yep, it has just about everything doesn't it? Sex, violence. They ought to make it into a movie for cable pretty soon.

So, you'd have second helping? Who would you have the count kill next? And more importantly maybe, what's for dessert?

!!URGENT NOTICE!!
Do you play drums?
If so come join Zenith.
A once in a lifetime opportunity.
pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh gawd, how typical. Let me guess. The drummer was doing speed and crashed bigtime, destroying everything in sight?

no our drummer was a loser a loser and was 2 scared 2 do drugs. he hardly dared 2 even drink.
he was no good on drums and just pratted around and complained about everything.
he didn't have a musical bone in his body.
GOOD riddance.

Peach