h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I suppose I owe the five or six of you that read this journal an explanation as to where I have been the last few weeks

On Wednesday the 16th of June I flew out to Portugal to join the hordes of England Football fans already out there
When we arrived at a little before 11 in the morning it was already 28 degrees celcius. Those that have met me will know that my Polish/Irish skin and blood doesn't react well to such intense sunshine

Luckily for me the hotel, Residencial Astoria , had air-conditioning. Unfortunately, you can't take it out with you The highest I saw the temperature reach was 39 degrees And it rarely ventured below 25, even at night.

We found a little place to drink called 'Docas', a purpose built row of bars and restaurants along the water front directly opposite that huge statue of the angel, or Jesus, I'm not sure, I never asked. It was whilst on my way back from here one night that the first piece of misfortune got hold of me. I left my phone in the taxi It fell out of the ridiculously inadequate pockets of my three quarter length shorts And seeing as everyone in Portugal is either a waiter or a Taxi driver, the chances of finding the same cab again were remote So it was goodbye to my nice new phone

Time to mourn that loss would proove to be extremely short as the next night, at Docas, I was enjoying a nice drink in one of the Irish bars they have there. Surrounded by singing Englishman and having a cordial chat to an American chap who for some reason had the Merseyside Liver Bird and England's 3 Lions tattooed onto his belly All in all I was having an enjoyable evening, up until something walloped me on the head just above the right eye No time to get angry and see what it was because within seconds my face was covered in blood, I hate blood One late night and 4 stitches later I'm back at the hotel, where my friend tells me it was a little Portuguese boy that had thrown an ashtray for no apparent reason. A big ceramic ashtray at that, and the police had swiftly, and undeniably, 'sorted him out'.

Again, not much time to dwell over my new scar as it soon becomes clear to me 2 days later that my bank doesn't have the money I thought was in it. Upon phoning the Telephone banking service ,and spending close to 20 euros in doing so, I am told my card has been used on days that I know it wasn't. My card had been cloned and nearly £300 has been stolen.

I actually found this quite funny in the end. I started to think to myself, 'Typical really, I can't believe I even thought I might actually have a nice time with no hiccups! I certainly don't have any past experiences to have pulled such a fantastical expectation from, so screw them all and feed 'em rice as they say, and keep smiling you damn fool'.
If you want to make God laugh, have a plan, springs to mind

The rest of the holiday passed by with me scrimping along with the money I had left.
I did however meet Mr and Mrs Wayne Rooney. They came and sat with us at this nice cafe we found. We actually met up there on 3 occassions, they are very nice people, and his mum loves a sing song

Bliney! an eventful time then? You should get the money back from your card, the banks are ment to refund that kind of credit card fraud, ensure they do Hope the scar heals up well...

A few people have comented n how badly the scar appears to have been stitched up, and it does feel a little lumpy So I don't hold much faith in it healing up too well

Theres a lot to be said for having a 'nice' scar you never know how they heal up over time, some of my scars are still getting fainter, over ten years after I got them

Sorry to hear that Creachy. That and England going out too... funny how no one thought Greece were going to win.

I once passed Wayne Rooney (Jr) himself in HMV a few days after he'd scored that goal against Arsenal. He just looked like any other lad going in there with his mates. Funny how he's probably already earned more money than I can hope to earn in a life time

Hey Creachy,

Sounded like you had some serious fun!


Wish i coulda been there! :P

At least you didn't get to trot all the way hme from london in the rain with one shoe my feet are killing today!

the pics are up, what happened to 2legs as I was leaving hhe was waving a lot of money at the bar staff demanding to see the manager about keepingg the bar open, this was 9.30

Well after weeing in the street n going back in to shout some more (he'd already given them a mouthful of abuse) he went offf to find another pub with Ev n fords.. n we left cos my flip flop had snapped etc,so i dont know what happened after that..

So I take it we've got to find a new pub for the winter meet

It'd be preferable..

sounds like you guys had fun

fun may not be exactly the right word..