h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today I bought a small hill farm complete with dairy, and I'm not going to open it up to the public, oh no this is going to be a PRIVATE dairy. I'm not going to have holiday makers traipsing round my dairy going "Oh look, cows," and "Ooooh, they must make the cheese here."

Wait a minute... I am right in assuming a "journal" is similar to a "dairy" aren't I?

"I often wonder about the Dairy" by Lance Baylis(s).

I mean, we all know the old image - Cows, milk, men in caps. But what part, if any, does the Dairy play in the modern world, a world with Mobile Telephones and Beepers and little robot dogs? We asked Nobby Gutwrench, a local Dairy owner and one time farmer, what he thought of the situation.

"We think it's a disgrace!" said Nobby instantly, even before I had asked the question. "I mean to say, the way you city folk trapese in here expecting your cheese and milk and cigarettes is just abominable!"

I point out, quite correctly, that a Dairy has nothing to do with Cigareetes, but he doesn't seem to be listening. "It's all very well to package it up and sell it in cartons, but the city children must think you get it from a Supermarket, not from cows!" What, cigarettes? "No silly, Milk!"

I go on to show him a survey that was taken by a leading newspaper, of the local schoolchildren, asking them exactly where they think Milk comes from. 54% said from cows, 30% said from their mothers, 10% said from a carton of Milk and 6% said they made it themselves. "That's silly." said Nobby quite seriously. "I mean, those percentages add up to nothing in this high pace, low risk world of Dairy produce."

Unable to think of anything better to ask him, I bid him a good day and go out into the yard, where I'm shot down by a drive-by milking.