h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My aunt who flies alot to visit her kids sent me this-
Airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
_____
On a Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
_____

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
_____

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. Please do not leave children or spouses."
_____

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
____

"Welcome aboard. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
_____

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds,but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than
X Airlines."
_____

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with our compliments."
_____

And from the pilot during his welcome message: X airline
is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
_____


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of X airlines."
_____

"the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."


Thanks Abbi!

Yes, i liked that one best too! Nice one abbi, where the hell do you get all this sort of stuff from? Does your entire family contribute?

*waves at leo; did you get my email?*

zdt

Thank you for a lovely laugh!1

How are you dear abbi?

Had a wonderful holiday in France.

AR1

Thanks, abbi!

Wonderful to know I gave you a laugh AR1

There are some naughty ones I thought better of posting but if anybody wants to see them in email let me know.

Glad you had a holiday.
I hope that means things are running smoothly for you and your son.

I am pretty good!
Thanks for asking

Yes I get lots of email from senior citizens!
My older spunky relativesand some others
Many of their emails include Republican propaganda but I love 'em anyway

OOps that last post was to Terri.

Thank you dear abbi.

Yes I would love to hear them!. Just let me know how to let you have my email addy.

I am off in an hour to fetch K. for the weekend. The first one since I have been back. Hope the weather stays fine.

I had a busy night so hope I do not fall asleep!!

Also Ran1

heeeeee

Very good abbi....YAY,i managed to get in today,,,,,i am sore through getting kicked out!!!Lets hope the e-mails send now.

Nice one Abbi, Ah! poor Smurfles ay least your in now

Abbi, I heard this one right after a really hairy bumpy landing at Heathrow, during a helliva storm! We had to break out of the holding pattern coz we were so low on fuel! (fighting the storm head on)

Anyway, The plane bounces a couple of times, skids sidewys, shakes when full reverse thrust is applied, then the captian says, "Ladies & gentlemen, we have just landed at Heathrow.........I think??

When we got to the terminal, everybody got up and clapped, all at the same time
Smudger,

I read a similiar one.

The plane landed, bumped back up again, bounced back down & eventually came to a stop. The co-pilot came on:

"ladies & gentleman, we have just landed at X airport. The pilot would be interested to hear your views on which of the two landings you preferred"



zdt

Thanks, Abbi, and everyone, for the laughs.

I'd love to hear the naughty ones in an email, Abbi. I'm sure you have my addy, but just in case, the newer one's wyrdsister23 AT hotmail DOT com.

Sent them to you PC

Gosh AR1 I wish there was somebody on the site we had in common.
We both hate to post our emails. If you think of somebody please let me know

Silly me!

AR1 if it is OK with PC you could email her at the above addy and ask for my email. I would love for AR1 to have mine, same for Meg if she is in your addy book PC. We have tried to find somebody several times.

*Put h2g2 or abbi in subject line.
Thanks ahead of time PC (if it is OK)

You can use me too if you like, mine is:

zendevilthree AT wanadoo fullstop fr

zdt

Thanks!