h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Suz has made her journal open to the public again. Reading it made me cry and wretch as my was ripped and torn apart.

I dunno what to say. And I know it probably wouldnt help too much. So I'll just listen if you want

Ticks and fkking Leeches.

I have to go get some sleep I think my e-mail is somewhere in that thread where scan brought me in if you want to rant, it works for MSN too

Ticks and Leeches

"Suck and suck.
Suckin up all you can, suckin up all you can suck.
Workin up under my patience like a little tick.
Fat little parasite.
Suck me dry.
My blood is bruised and borrowed. You thieving bast***s.
You have turned my blood cold and bitter,
beat my compassion black and blue.

Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Cuz this is what you're getting.
I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.

Taken all I can, taken all I can, we(?) can take.
Taken all you can, taken all you can f**kin' take
Got nothing left to give to you.
Blood suckin parasitic little tick/blood suckin parasitic little tick
Take what you want and then go.

Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Cuz this is what you're getting.

Suck me dry.
Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you had in mind?
Cuz this this is what you're getting.
I hope you choke."

~Tool~

No-one can comfort me.
No-one can take my pain.
No-one can fix it all: make Suz love me again.
Make me the one that gives her happiness.
She doesn't want me in her life in any way, shape or form.
No-one else will ever love me.
I will never love another the way I love her.
There is no purpose to my life.
I have nothing and no-one to live for.
No-one to make me feel alive.
I'm sick and tired of this exercise in futility.
Sick and tired of people pretending to care.
Sick of the liars and hypocrites.

Stealth, I'm sorry. I tried.

I will never be made better. It will always hurt. I will pine away. My heart will break and keep on breaking again and again. My insides will be torn and eaten up by it. I will never find someone so perfect, another 'meant to be'.

Stealth, just let me say one more thing, and I'll leave it alone.

No one has the right to make you feel this way, not even someone you love. She obviously isn't perfect, if she's tearing you up like this- a perfect person wouldn't do that. She's just a person, doing what people do.

Let it go. It's only hurting because you're letting it hurt you.

'I will never find someone so perfect, another 'meant to be'.'

I felt like that once, but then I actually found someone more 'meant to be'. Don't give up on ever meeting someone else, you don't know when it may happen, so just be open to it happening.

You don't know me.
You don't what I look like.
You don't about what am I like in anyway.
No-one can love me the way Suz did.
No-one will come, there isn't anyone that likes me let alone anyone to love me.

Well I was trying to get to know you, I gave you my phone number and we talked here and in hotmail.

But if you are so fixated on Suz that you do not even want friendship from another person, then fine. Give it a couple of years, and you will find someone else and look back and laugh at this time.

I was trying to know you and to know what you are like, but as you think I am incapable I won't bother anymore. I am feeling very depressed and really don't need to be pushed away right now.

Very self-fulfilling don't you think?

*worries* has anyone spoken to him?

No we haven't talked, you've said something, I've replied, you've not felt inclined to respond...

"But if you are so fixated on Suz that you do not even want friendship from another person, then fine."

That's not an accurate reflection of what I want.

"Give it a couple of years, and you will find someone else and look back and laugh at this time."

Really? The same way I look back on being repeatedly raped when I was six and have a real ole' chuckle?
Loosing Suz has hurt me more than that did, because that and other things in my life left me wide open for a sucker punch and Suz delivered that punch.

Oh and I suppose I don't know whats its like to be abused?

yeah being mistress to my own dad from the ages of 11 and 16 was great fun too. It opened me up to to rape and assault and attempted murder.

But I did survive, but then again I choose to.

Oh and thanks for being so ungrateful about my efforts at friendship, so won't try that again.

Did I say you didn't?
As for having someone attempt to murder you, that's another thing we have in common. Only for me it was my mother who tried to strangle me to death because she caught me trying to run away from home.

Anyway... if you haven't already F.U.K.K.O.F.F.

Alright, oy, enough! When you are ready to accept the fact that well at least I try to care about you when you let me, I'll be here. That's all I can say, you aren't willing to admit to yourself that you have friends. You won't accept the fact that as much as I hate to tell you this, Suz is gone. She is. I love you, I have been here for you, I have tried to tell you what a wonderful person you are, I've tried, and apparently I've failed. I'm sorry I continue to fail miserably.

Theres nothing more you can do, but offer friendship. You know your offer was genuine, just like mine was. He has thrown in back in our faces, maybe you can take that, I can't. Good luck with trying to be friends with him, its like he really doesn't want any.

Who invited you to offer an opinion?
It's not that I don't care for friendship, it's that I don't care for your's Kaz.

Hope thats your final answer at last, you do keep changing your mind on that one afterall!

Oh and I have every right to offer my opinion on you throwing my friendship back in face.