h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I take lorazepam only when rational thought dictates that I absolutely have to if I hope to get through the next the following hours without cutting my arm[s] to crimson shreds or burning a line down my arm with cigarettes or taking every pill, tablet and capsule I can find and washing it down with some alcohol for good measure.

I'm not at a particulalry hightened state of self-loathing at the moment, with my inner critic telling me how much I deserve to die. I am simply feeling imprisioned in life that I hate with 3 things causing me so much stress that going back into hospital looks like a nice holiday.

I really seem to be able to get through to anyone just how much I mean it when I say I am losing it! I can not effing cope. If I still had the court case to worry about I would have slit my own throat by now.

Hunni, please don't do anything that could put us in jeopardy of losing you. We really do care, and I will tell you this until I turn blue in the face. And I know about the being close to losing it, you forget what I live with. I've had someone controlling every aspect of my life. Who I'm allowed to see, where I'm allowed to go. I know what you feel like. I just don't want to see you hurt yourself. You are really a beautiful person and if the people around you can't see that then they need to look a lot harder. You have brought a smile to my face when I thought I would never smile again. You have the power to make a difference in your life as well as the lives of others. And if you want to write this all off as senseless bantering, then do so, but remember it's written from the heart of a person who cares a lot for you.

Stealth,

don't hurt yourself! You deserve so much better. I can see from your posts that life is not bringing much joy, but it will come. Don't go away from us here, you must know we care? Take walks, that usually helps me when I feel trapped. Even if it rains...

(off to see what lorazepam actually is)


Milla

Hunni, please don't do anything that could put us in jeopardy of losing you. We really do care, and I will tell you this until I turn blue in the face. And I know about the being close to losing it, you forget what I live with. I've had someone controlling every aspect of
Hunni, I haven't forgotten the environment you've been in. I don't enjoy hurting myself a great deal. But sometimes it's the only thing I can do to make the negative feelings that are overwhelmimg me seem more manageable. I know you understand that too. At the moment I feel lost, and impotent to make changes to situation which for the most is beyond my control.

I like the rain. 'I'm only happy when it rains' - Garbage.

I know that it's hard to suppress the feelings of inadequacy, I know better than anyone I think because I've always been told that I'm not good enough. You can change your own life, it takes a lot of time and effort, I mean a LOT. I've, I think, changed for the better, at least I hope that I have. And I know that you have the strength to overcome whatever you are dealing with at the moment. You've done it before and come out okay in the end, you just need to hang in there and in some cases shoot from the hip. If things aren't going your way, speak pointedly about it, don't "pussyfoot" around the issues so to speak. Just step up and assert yourself. (sorry this is all my best friend/ best therapist money can't buy talking) Anyway, things get better, and if it takes awhile it's all the more worth it in the end.... Just remember I'm here, okay?

I've tried everything I can think of from polite suggestion to assertive request . And more. I tried talking to the staff to get them to give her the proper support and guidence to make her do the job properly. They haven't. I've gone to the mananger to get him to get the staff to do their job. But They still don't.
It's like I haven't tried to assert myself. And now Lorna has taken to lies and hypocracy and insults.

well this sounds bad but don't bring yourself down to her level. obviously you are more ready to cope with living by yourself than your "whatchamacallits" think you are. Just remember that as much as you might dispise her she's a person. You can hate her all you want but you can't really hurt her.

I don't make a habit of hurting people. Not physically anyway.

I know that, I was referring really to my urge to want to smack some people. I was kind of hoping other people besides me somtimes just wanted to smack people... maybe not... anyway what I meant is that, short of talking to her further or talking to the staff further, there really isn't anything you can do. Grit your teeth and hope that things get better. It's not much in the way of help but it's the dire reality of it.

Oh yes, she was winding me upto the point where I wanted to crush her skull. So I have wanted to, but i won't.

How you doing hunni??

I've only done one burn in the last week, which I'm sure those involved with my care will say is a positive thing... Can't say I've felt terribly positive but... as I've said in another thread that may be begining to change.