h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And nor and nor and nor and nor and nor *thump*... and nor am I. Yet.
I took and overdose of all I thought I had available to me on... whatever day it was that did it... [though I now remember in a 'clearer' frame of mind that I still had some seroxat from 2 years ago in the back of my draw that could have finished me off. Oh well... For those that care. The news is that I am alive. For those that don't you can just pretend I didn't wake up this morning.

I'm glad you didn't remember that stuff in your drawer then

This must be the saddest I have seen on hootoo...

Stealth, I don't know you, and have never stumbled on your page before, but you touch my heart. Is there nothing that would make you feel better about yourself? Can't you tell us what you need? I don't post much, so that means you made a big impression... Please keep posting, and see people, spill your heart out and you will get responses. People care, if you just let them!

I will be back.


Milla

Thank you for not remembering back of your draw. I dont know what to say except perhaps you should take a holiday and get away from everyone and everything for a few weeks. Go somewhere hot, lie on a beach an meet new people. You might have tried that before, but its an idea. It might just boost you for a little while.

Thank God, or whatever diety you care for... I was thinking of you last night, wondering, hoping, I don't know what else to say other than I'm glad you didn't remember those drugs were in that drawer

Thank you Amy

Hi there, Alchemilla Digitalis...
There are many ways I feel I would have to change to be happy with self... I can't be given these changes I have to strive for and work towards them myself.
I broke up with my fiancé because we were had gone from making each other happy to making eat other hurt. I could cope with the hurt of her diet pill overdoses, they were destroying me. So ended hings... But Suz is was and always will be the only thing, person entity that gives my life a purpose.

Gene, I cant afford a holiday and I have commitment to my care team. The closest thing i can have to a holiday in the near future would be a stay with Suz. But I don't if she is ready too have me visit. Still I am going to go to Brentcon in early August. That will be 3 day of maddness and .

2legs Badgers law eh?

Stealth,

I'm glad you are back online! (At the very least you can see that people care, even strangers like me! )

Does Suz know how much she means to you - even though you didn't make eachother happy after a while?
I noted just now in another thread that you have some diagnoses put on you. That can't be easy. You say you want to change, and sometimes that is possible, sometimes not. I get the feeling that you are hard on yourself? Forgive yourself, you seem to do your best, and that is all one can do. I too sometimes feel that I have to perform and contribute to be worth the space I take, but in the long run, that is too much a burden. Do the little things, that is enough, I think. We can't all be mother Theresa...

I come across as some home made know-it-all counsellor, putting my nose where it doesn't belong. I'm sorry, it's not meant that way. I just want to make you a bit happier, and this is my way of trying.

tjing
Milla

I don't know if Suz really understands/believes that I care for her and love her the way I do.
The diagnoses aren't put on me. They are accurate reflections of the way my head works. And they help me to better understand myself in a way. Being able to put a name to things helps me...
Folk tell me I'm too hard on myself... I simply don't know how to see it that way, or to believe it...

Now you are being hard on yourself, you are not coming across as a know it all.

I knew you were a nice guy! Thanks for being patient with me - I do try to be nice too, and it is always a relief when someone thinks I do OK...

I guess the only way is to keep telling Suz? If she doen't like herself very much it may be very hard for her to believe that anyone else would, but perhaps repeating it would help? At least when I feel worthless, I can't believe people when they are good to me, but at the same time it is just what I need.

If you do what you can at any moment, how can anyone ask for more? And if you measure that 'any' against somebody else... Ever heard of comparing apples and pears? There is only one mother Theresa, and only one Stealth, and only one Milla. But if I am a millimeter better than who I was the other week, that is fine - I will never be a saint! Uhh, I'm not sure how to get this through... since every one of us is unique, we can only measure ourselves against ourselves.

tjing
Milla

She very much doesn't like herself... I tell her often how much I love her and care about her. i don't know that that is best way to approach things but it's the way that comes naturally. Running at her self loathing head on is like head butting a boulder. I have to chip at slowly a selctively if I hope to make a differance.

With that attitude you will win in the long run. but it does sound like a loooong run.

tjing
Milla



My keyboard just switched from Swedish to someting else, I cant find the chevrons!!!

Suz isn't the only one it's like head-butting a boulder with. *looks levelly at Kam*

Which reminds me--it's been faaaaar to long since I've talked with her...

im glad you are still here stealth

Stealth, I'm keeping an eye on you - glad to see you have posted since I was online last... How's it going?


Tjing
Milla

I don't really know... I just been feeling rather... 'odd'. My Behavioural Therapist has been having me keep my left arm dresses to stop me interfering with the healing process of the wounds on it and to discourage further self harm... I was convinced it would really work, but I am trying to make it work and it is helping abit and does seem to put a psychological barrier between me, my self harm relex and the arm. However the dressings tend to ride down my arm or come unravel and are hard to keep dry when I wash so they aren't gonna be 100% effective. And Oh My Oh My how much does my arm itch when it's covered and can't breathe properly in this heat.

I'll probably go backl New England Rd tomorrow so I may not be online for several days.

Hope all are well.

*looks in address book*

*That* number I have. Would you like a call if you do go? (If you don't post for a couple days, I'll assume you're there)

I'm still around, trying to show my support...

tjing
Milla

thanks Milla, how are things in Sweden? Or how are things with you if you're pressed for time?

the first question I was going to answer very quickly, until I saw the second one...

It rains. It's been very dry all spring, so it's needed, but I still wish there was sun. It is also about 15 degrees C, and has been for a week. And this is supposed to be summer. Bummer more like it.

Meself is pretty much OK, I invited 5 or 6 people plus their families for project finale get together, in my house, last night. One girl and her guy showed up. I tried not to take it personally, which is always tough, until we realised last night that Sweden played Italy in the football european championships...

How is UK? (I got to think that is where you are...) And you?

tjing
Milla