h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I look back from the edge and I see that life - something that comes naturally to so many - is a foreign country to me... I don't understand it and more significantly I can not cope with it... I'm not capable of taking responsibility for my current state of existance and turn it around into a life...
I had other things I wanted to say so that people could understand why I'm going to kill myself but I'm no longer in a state where I can articulate it all. Just know that I'm on the edge and oblivion looks good. Reality and life are in a different place to me.
Suz loves me. I don't want her to join me in death. Everybody subscribed to this journal please, please do everything you can to help her. Her email is on her site. Her site is linked to from her space. Her space can be reach through my friends list.

Goodbye.

Hello...
I've just been talking to Stealth on the phone, he's not very well but he's not as focused on killing himself at the moment. He's been calming himself down in various ways and is going to take a sedative in a bit.
I'm going to go down to him tomorrow, so I'll give him a cuddle from everyone I know will have wanted to cuddle him if they could...
dont panic.

Thank you, love... It's just as well I didn't try to call--you were already on the phone.

both

phew s

Phew, that was scary.

He's now in my room, changed into his pyjamas (hehe, I saw Stealth getting changed *bats off all the angry women*) saying "see, no-one cares!". I just said I was going to get seriously p*ssed off with him about it because its amazingly evident that you DO all care, particularly Amy, Kess (who, actually, I dont think has replied to this journal yet), Patron saint of kittens, Phoniex/Arwen/Whatever (), and probably someone else that I've utterly forgotten because I hardly ever actually respond.
"You're not gonna post that..."
"yeah..."
*posts*

Mwahahahaha I fool everyone with my everchanging personality

*runs off to think of another name*

How are you doing Stealth?

*waves*

I am really, really sorry I didnt post before this. all round.

I'm doing OK.
I've had alot of support from Suz. It's been great to get to spend so much time with her recently. I love her so much.
I saw my consultant the other day and he was shocked by my self harm which I think added weight to my arguement that I need to change antidepressant - which those of you who have been paying attention will know I've been saying for some time.
So I'm now coming off of Venlafaxine and onto Citalopram which is a antidpressant that has a good reputation and combats anxiety as well as low mood. I may get the quite bad withdrawal symptoms that are associated with coming off of venlafaine. I was on a very high dose.
If I do get the withdrawal symptoms I'll stay here at my mum's.
Living at New England Rd. is making me ill, I've no intention of being there when I'm under extra stress and strain.

I've been awarded DLA. Which means I can pay off my mum's overdraft and credit card and hopefully get her a new washing machine - she's been without one for 2 or 3 years now. Which gives you some idea of the poverty she and I are used to. Hopefully I'll have some money left over to spend on Suz and myself. Even if I don't, I'll be getting extra money each month, that will make surving abit easier and I may be able to treat myself from time to time.
I'm also going to dispute the fact that they have only granted part of the DLA, I am entitled to more on the grounds that I "...need guidance or supervision to get around places you [I] do not know well...". Even if they'll only admit I should have lower level component it could be as much as an extra tenner a week.

Anyway, changing antidepressants, getting at least some DLA and spending time with Suz - the best thing in my life. have all made me abit more positive.

Negative things are the infectinbs in my burns and the amount of vomitting I've been doing which I will talk to my GP about on Wednesday.

Hello Amy.

Hi hon

good for you

Danke.

not at all, any time

*curses herself for not being online enough* Hello