h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How attacking or hostile or threatening is or has been my manner? Am I frequently hostile or pushy or obnoxious?

Well, you recently told us about aggression against yourself, but I've never experienced you to be hostile, aggressive, pusghy . obnoxous or anything else towards others.

Had to look and see who you were...

I don't get that you're aggressive toward other people. There's been times when you were really depressed that I've felt like you were pushing your friends away, but that's less of a personality trait and more of a symptom. You're not hostile or agressive toward other people, and I don't get the obnoxious vibe from you. If anything, I think you could be a lot more assertive.

Has this led on from another thread? Have I missed something?

No, you're not those things, anyway. You're a nice guy and I like you.

Suz would not agree.

I have a problem.

Something we can help you with?
And you know we can't speak for Suz, we can only speak for ourselves.

Yes, I know that. I wasn't asking anyone to speak for anyone else. Or to pass a judgement on Suz. Suz is closer to me and she is the one affected by a dysfunction in my behaviour I do not understand and haven't been aware of.
People should ask themselves if some that I acare about that much is frigtened of me, what does that say about what I am?

I don't have an answer to that, because I don't know whether she is frightened of you, or about you, and if so, what is the reason, does it lie within her or you or both?

So sometimes your behaviour doesn't seem completely rational, particularly when it comes to relationships, am I right? That would make you and your motivation pretty hard to understand. And what we don't understand, or don't completely understand is often quite frightening.

That's my logic, anyway. I've never, ever found you threatening, hostile or attacking. Not at all pushy, in fact sometimes a little more passive than is perhaps in your best interests. Certainly not obnoxious.

I get the impression she sees me as abusive. As threatening and attacking.

I think there may be errors on both sides.


I think that isn't a far from fair generalisation to make. Though I don't know where the atrophy of understanding is... Am I failing to have insight into the effect and nature of some unnoticed behaviour, that is inappropriate, unfair and hurtful, has on those closest to me? Or am I just an abusive monster? Or is something else going on... ?

From my limited view, I'd say there's something else going on.

I seem to remember you telling us her previous relationship was not very healthy...?

With Eric, the guy she was with after things ended? I know nothing about that relationship other than it lasted.

No I really think I am doing something wrong. I just don't know what it is... Or I was doing something wrong when we together before, when I was more of mess and she thinks I am still doing it... Given that her choice to impose limits on where things between can ever head has left me feeling like a wretch crawling out of my own skin with fear and anxiety I am not best placed to judge my conduct in the last 2 weeks. I have been wanting answers... Perhaps she sees that more like an exercise in pointing fingers... ? Perhaps she sees my identifying her core beliefs and borderline behaviour as an attack on her. I don't blame her for her core beleifs or for not being ready to accept the possibility that are just beliefs and not solid facts. I've been in the same place she is and it took a long time and alot of work to get out of it and maybe that I have done that and trying to hold up a sign post for her makes her feel inadequate. I just don't know.

Maybe that's it. The only time I've seen you 'lash out' online was when a whole bunch of people were trying to give you advice about how to deal with your emotions.

Alternatively: Gothly and my brother Deswald are both lovely, gentle people who get accused of aggression and overbearingness every now and again. This is because, if you get them onto a subject they've got strong opinions on, they get all excited and soapboxy and start talking over people and being really emphatic and loud. (In fact, every time I see Deswald, I end up in tears at some point, though that's made up for by the belly-laughs he also induces.) Does any of this sound like you at all?

I don't know. And maybe I shouldn't care.

Yup, maybe not.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44437446/

Have you been eavesdropping on me and Deswald?

Who's who?

I'm the violent one who hates being thought of as cute. I get called it a lot. I'm not cute. I'm hard, me. (And easy to wind up.)