h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Self loathing...
Self harm...
Self murder...

I really want to do harm myself right now and drinking and smoking aren't really enough to get me through this low mood...

You know we are all hear, and on your side, and don't want you to harm yourself, though I guess that isn't much help., and I don't really know how to help, though I would very much like to I hope you get through this

AAWWWW ALex please dont talk like that.

you have lots of friends that care me included..

have you spoke to your dr i think you need to.

I agree, i really think that you should go back to your doctor, and make him understand how bad you are feeling. Do you have a Social Worker, maybe the wrong term, could be Support worker? If you have, cant you speak to them, and get them to go to the docs with you to explain how low you really are!

I don't have a social worker or a CPN or anything like that...
I do have an appointment in a week with a psychiatrist/registra type person and I'll talk about mood stabalisers, Dialectic Behavioural therapy and what's happened about my referal for Cognitive therapy... I have a key worker at a day unit and I have a key worker at my new home they can't or won't do anything...

I don't have friends... you're not real... just words on a screen that I get an hour a day to catch up with... I have no-one and never will.

If I die be happy for me it'll be a release...

Im real, Im here, you've even stayed at my house. And Im not the most helpful person with the 'words on a screen'. But if you're gonna slag yourself off Stealth, ask yourself why an obviously popular person with many friends would waste his time on a loser? Maybe you're not. Consider it.

Alex your right you dont know me in person.
like you say words on a screen but i talk to lots of people on line and class to be friends.
you can have friends with out haveing seeing them
lots of people have pen friends
still class as afriend, so words on a screen yeh but like i say can still be a friend..

Friends are the people that help you, are there for you, care, understand or at least try to, that listen and bother to make an effort.

Whether it is by words on a screen or by phone, by letter or by having the person there to give you a hug.

What is a friend? A friend is someone who takes time out for someone else, and by looks of things you have a lot of ppl that will take there time and give it to you, so that means they are giving you there friendship, freely and willingly. Why wont your key-workers do anything for you?

Alex

plz dont do owt.... i class as my friend, a koool one... i knwo how u feel... i hardly have ne real life mates cos of reasons... bad school experience...no friends:'O( and bad confidence...

plz dont do owt, if u need to speak ... feel free to msg me xxx

Hay, you know i'm real, we've drunk together, well, I don't think we were too* drunk to forget each other. And I certainly hope I can consider you* a friend, as you can certainly* consider me a friend, and I certainly want to meet up at the next meet to quaff more and with you

I do not have the ability to to delude myself that mere acquaintances are my friends... maybe the people on h2g2 know better than anyone else but I do not have ***friends*** just words on a screen wether I know the face behind them or not...
Or if my own conoctation of the word friend is so different to the denotation you all hold in your own head the I'll change the what I am lacking to 'Close friends'... I have no-one that calls because ythey want to knoiw how I am or what I did that day or just to hear my voice...

I have no-one because I do not deserve anyone...

So just give up on me... I have... Maybe the pain that is driving me to kill myself isn't as great a apin as took me suicide before... but the will to fight is gone now... I've tried so hard to live but I can barely manage to survive... I have o-one I feel close to... no-one to put myself through this piece of sh!t that is my life for... I go on amnymore I can't and I won't

Stealth, don't give up, you certainly do deserve someone, and that can't happen if you give up, even when things look, and are as bad as they are, you've been through so much, as far as I have picked up aspects of your situeation and how you arrived at it, that you can't give up now, having been so strong to drive through to where you are now; even if that place' you are now doesn't seem to great, , from the bottom the only way is up please stay with us

Stealth, I se eyou'e gone offline, please don't harm yourself, talk to me, please

I'm still alive...

stay alive xx

Death really felt like where I wanted to be... before it felt like where I deserved to be... I wonder if it's progress to go from feeling one deserves to die to feeling one wants to die...

Anyway I've made it to Monday... now I have to wait fro the call from the hospital about my Review... Hopefully I will get a change in meds that will mean I won't have to drink myself to sleep at night...

good luck... ur strong and u deserve to find a way out xxx

I'm weak... but I will get somewhere... As much as I need a mood stabaliser I don't want to be put on Lithium... I'll have to assert myself...

you'll manage it x