h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Important things to remember :

Give yourself enough time
Don't try and rush your preparation into two minutes. Give yourself enough time to get ready, and cover eventualities. There's bound to be a few.

Go to the toilet!
If you get anywhere near as nervous as I do, this will probably be happening quite often! Make sure you're not caught short as soon as you turn up!

Plan your journey.
If you're going somewhere different, don't trust that you'll get there in time, check out your trains and stuff in advance. Also, if you're going somewhere you've not been before, make sure it's open on the day that you're going...

Clothing.
Try and agree in advance what level to dress up to. You'll feel a plonker (could have phrased that better) if you turn up in jeans and they're ready for a garden party at the palace...

Buy one of those breath spray things
Well, it's not going to do any harm, is it?

Relax and be yourself
Unless you have a really unpleasent personality, of course.

Wear something you are comfortable in. If you are going to buy something new, make sure it fits and you try it on well in advance of the date. The last thing you want is half an hour before you are due to meet, finding out that your chosen outfit has an annoying itchy label in it and you are going to spend the whole date scratching. Choose shoes that won't leave you crippled and with feet sexily covered in blisters!

If you are going to wear fragrance, make sure it is subtle and fresh and isn't going to knock the potential object of your affections out!

Don't overdust your nether-regions with talc, however much of a good idea it seems at the time. There is every chance, according to sod's law, that you will regret it!

There speaks the voice of experience, gentle reader!

... under those ultra-violet type night-club lights, it can certainly distract attention from your dandruffy shoulders!

Avoid ultra-violet lights at all cost. You might be using a well know dandruff cure, but you are bound to be using washing powder and that can leave little white specks all over your clothes. You will look star studded!

Yup ultraviolet is a bad one especially if you are wearing dark clothes (bobbling looks like dandruff)or have any bithmarks or freckles, under UV light it looks like I've got a massive shiner (although it has worked as an ice breaker- "are you hurt?").

Any artificial teeth are likely to show up too.

That having been said if you are following Elizabeth I's example and using wooden gnashers, you should be alright

So, you're advice would be to wear wooden teeth on a first date?