h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I went to see a doc last week and he checked my BP as the pills i am on have herat irregularities and high BP as side effects. They have just had new info sent about it.

Mine was high but don't know what it was and so I had it checked again today. It was 145/100. Not excessively high - anything over 160/? or ?/100 is considered high but the fact that I am already on betablockers is what concerns me. What would it be without them?

Anyway, just to send it even higher...

My mobile just rung and it was my birthmum's number calling. So I sat and stared at the phone for a while. (I can't/won't answer phones anyway as a rule) thinking and panicking about why she would be ringing at all, also at this time of day and without warning.
So as you do - I thought something terrible had happened.

So I called her back and it turns out she has the phone in her pocket and had knocked it I think everyone has done that before! I used to lock my keypad but a 999 call overrides that and nearly dialled the emergency services. Fortunatley it hadnt got as far as dialling.

No big deal you would think except for the fact I have never ever spoken to her before!!
We have done webcam, email, text, letter etc but not phoning - that was the next step.

To say my heart is banging like the clappers is an understatement. I expect she is a bit shocked too! She was at work so didn't chat long but it was good to hear her accent - not at all what I expected And I had my posh telephone voice on so sounded pompous probably.

To sum up:

Golly. What a strange story. You've never ever actually spoken with your mum? I wish I was that lucky.

This is my birthmum - I was adopted as a baby so have a mum that I do talk to regularly!

Ok, I get the idea.

Next question: You never answer a phone?

This isn't the phone - you're allowed to answer

It is all a bit complicated really, but I got ill and after that had difficulty leaving the flat, and the phone (or post) feels like the outside world coming into what is my 'safe place'.

So it freaks me out. I prefer to screen calls and then phone back (or not) when I feel I can.

The internet is ok as it is me contacting the outside world rather than it contacting me.

Told you it was complicated

hi mort,can i ask whhich tablets you were woried about?I take dothiapen,(20 years now),and until two years ago i took another one with them.The ompany withdrew the others so my gp put up the dose of the dothiapen.I had to go for an ECG before he increased them,they can exaggerate any heart conditions.Just wondered if they were the same ones?

Gotta agree with you about phones. I hate answering them, except in work (part of the job, so I have to).

You are well up on me with your birth mum. All I have is a name and an out of date address. I have registered with various places in case she looks for me but I either can't, or won't, go looking for her.

Can't because I'd hate it to be a flop and it would upset my folks if they knew.

Won't because I have no intention of walking into someones life and blowing it apart. Not something I would do intentionaly but once you unlock doors self control is difficult. Also won't because if she cared enough she would have registered with the same places as me and hasn't.

I have enough info to look, or at least get a pro to look for me, but I just won't do it. By the time I decide she will most liekly be unavailable.

I do owe her though. She took the time to place me, vetted my folks and visited to check I was ok. I know she tried to get together with my blood father but that it failed. I have all the (original) docs. It's frightening how similar we are, right down to our writing.

Hope the blood pressure is coming down. Just knowing it's high can make you worry so much that it gets higher. Chill lady, and follow your own advice for once.

Hi smurfles - it is velafaxine (effexor) I take 300mg a day

Chill?

I try! I went to bed at 9pm last night as I felt so highly strung - slept until 9am so feel better for that.

I know all the feelings you are describing Outrider - I had them all too.
I registered with Norcap as they try to make a match if she has registered too. But she hadn't.
I found her through friends reunited in the end.

Don't want to say too much on this open forum though.

Yes, it's a highly interesting topic. If there was a smiley I would have used that one instead. Well, I can somewhat relate to it. My interest for Buddhism in the past stems from the interest I took in answering the question why I made "my first big mistake" of getting born.

I don't mind too much talking about my adoption as I am pretty ok with it. But h2g2 is a bit too open to discuss the very personal stuff between me and my birthmum.

I always have been ok with adoption, although it is easy to blame it for things - but in truth I am who I am and my family is my family.
Whether she gave birth to me or not my mum is my mum and always will be. I found that everyone else had a bigger problem with it than me. It is as normal for me as having brown hair.

I remember one of my school friends said to me "I would know if I was adopted" I said don't be silly, for all you know you could be. Again she said "I would just know".

I am lucky I can deal with it ok, my brother on the other hand couldn't and he struggled with it. Although he would never admit it, or maybe doesn't even realise how much he is hurt by it.

Having said all that, there was a natural curiosity and as I got older I found myself wanting to know more about my birthmum and if I had any of her traits etc, did I look like her, did I have siblings etc. Not to mention health issues.

There was a gap that needed filled.

The genes.

Hi Mort, i can sympathise totally with the heart thing, i am on beta blockers also (Atenolol) 'cos of anxiety related palpitations. I am told that they are incredibly safe drugs, just as well 'cos once you start on them you are usually on them for life. I get checked out regularly for BP, usually it's about 120/80, which is "normal"...but like you, i dread to think what it would be without them, smoking, drinking and stress all push it sky high, plus genes also play a part; all my known relatives died of heart attacks or strokes, it freaks me out.

Bloody vicious circle isn't it? Like you, i have raging insomnia, i am actually scared to try and sleep 'cos that's when panic attacks start, also if i do manage to sleep i wake up to another massive panic attack...the only way to calm down is to get up and have a drink...which in the long term gives you...panic attacks!

The beta blocker i am on is specific only for the heart rate stuff, it doesn't control other anxiety effects, such as sweaty palms of the hand, suffering from that right now, trying not to touch the nice h2g2 mouse pad more than necessary!

I know what you mean about the phone, if it rings i groan, it's even worse 'cos more often than not the person is gabbling away in French, face to face i can just about cope with frogsqueak, over the phone is utterly impossible.


I was looking for a picture of paddington bear yesterday to use with my English student and coincidentally found one on a site which deals with adoption issues, *if* i get the link right, you might like to have a look at it, it seemed at first glance to be pretty good.

http://members.aol.com/adopteeproblems/adoption/adoption.html

It must be very weird to actually speak to birth mum; did you detect any similarity in your voices?

When i was a kid i used to fantasise and pray that i had been adopted, i couldn't handle the idea that a "real" mother could possibly treat a child so cruelly...unfortunately they can, and i wasn't, no easy escape down that route!

Feeling very very down right now, hope you are feeling better Mort (and any others on here also)

*wanders off to maybe have a little*

zdt

hi there mort,terri ,and everyone else.
I have been given the tablets you take mort,it was when i came off the ones they stopped making.I didn't actually take any,i didn't feel confident about them.They also gave me prozac,which i didn't take either!After much thought ,and with the appropriate tests over ,my gp upped the dose of the dothiapen.
The panic attacks are the worst when they happen as you're "nodding off",or when they wake you terri.Itake atablet for blood pressure,it's called "istin",and i take beta -blockers too.which are inderal.I think they're the best medication going!!!

About the phone thing, I used to be permanently attached to my mobile but a stalker started calling me and then just breathing and it really freaked me out and my phone's never on anymore which really annoys my friends *big deep breath* so I sympathise about the phone thing.

My mum is a fascist Horrible human being. I positively dislike her. The things I put with ....

Hi there phreddie,there are some thoughless ,cruel people around,and i'm sure when someone does something like that they don't always think of the consequences.
Would it be any good if i suggested that you turn your phone on for just 30 minutes to start with,and lengthen the time a bit every few days???Dont tell anyone that you'll be available,and see how you cope with it.
It isn't that i don't uderstand ,i am agrophobic,so i know the fellings and the fear thing,bbut it's a shame to let someone who has such an obvious problem cause theem for you.Show the they can't get the better of you!!!

Norcap? Done that and others.

Freindsreunited, yep that one too. trouble is, although not a commen name, it's not exactly commen, unlike blood fathers.

Like you I never had a problem with it. My folks told me very early on, so i grew up with it. After all she had other options.


My cousins daughter faired less well. Her mother didn't tell her she'd remarried after her birth until her 18th birthday. She blew up 'everything had been a lie'. I knew this would happen but could do nothing.

Smug reply in my earlier years to those who thought it a weapon was to reply ' Yes I am adopted. So there's no doubting my folks wanted and planned for me. You however, are probably the result of some drunken fumble on the couch whilst your dad was working'.
Considering how convinced they were that I was wrong they still defended themselves.

From what I've learnt I suspect that we would be too alike to get on. My freinship is relatively easy to earn, my trust isn't. And once I decide it is over, there is little chance of recovery.

Probably why I have few close friends.