h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have just broken my cork screw

Fortunately it was after the cork was nearly out

I wasn't going to drink tonight...

Oh well, shame to let an open bottle go to waste

Just about to get my first of the night; don't you just late shifts? Especially when you're on early the next day

*stampede towards Mort's open bottle

You dont' need a corkscrew for Cava though

That is very true fords!

Unfortunately I can only buy it when it is on offer (or for a special occasion) as it is £2 more expensive than the other stuff at the Co-op, and that adds up to quite a bit at the end of the week

But the good news is that I am still managing to open bottles with it

I just keep forgetting to get a new one

You should go to Tesco, they're doing three for a tenner

Or just use the blunt end of a strong spoon to shove the cork right into the bottle. Can be messy until the cork is actually floating. Can anyone sense that someone's life has been led as a hobo?

3 for a tenner! I will have to figure out where the nearest Tesco is

When i was a student VN we used to use a 20ml syringe and inject air into the bottle to push the cork out - but the air usually escaoped through the needle hole Although it did work a couple of times.

I have used the method of pushing the cork in but I usually spill a bit and bend alot of spoons while I am it

Your nearest Tesco is probably Canonmills - I think!

Repeat after me:

"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"
"decent for 50p, move to France"

zdt

After hearing about all your exploits with telecom, the electric board, the benefit system etc you surely can't expect me to want to move there do you!

Er....well, the el cheapo does help one retain some sort of sanity in the face of all the bureaucratic madness.

But then again, maybe the fact that most of the officials are probably 3 sheets to the wind and thus entirely incapable of doing their jobs may be part of the cause of the bureaucratic madness?

*slurp, slurp*

zdt

Still years away, sadly.

As for red tape, take a leaf out of my mate Francois (aka Astrix) book. Years ago he was at uni, his missus was expecting so had to give up work and the state was slow in coughing up benefits. He went to the local social security office and was told it was a computer glitch. 'Great but what about the money?' he asked. 'Sorry but until the pc is fixed they couldn't help.

Faced with the prospect of no food, roof clothing etc he offered his proffesional services, explaining that he could fix the computer. eventually the clerk agreed and she handed over her pc. Francois gets a 5lb lump hammer out of his sack (he was going to do some building work on his dads farm), points at the pc and says 'Now do I get my money or do I fix the computer?'. He won. Typical Breton spirit.

I like it, i like it!!!!!!

Yes, definitely typical Breton spirit. Actually, Brummies can be equally bloody minded too. Last time i got problems with stuff here i just planted myself firmly at the desk of social services and announced " I am a citizen of the EU, if you don't sort me out NOW i am taking you to the european commission for human rights on the grounds that you are discriminating against me. Alternatively, i call up my lowlife friends, who are mainly mental patients and unstable at the best of times and we ALL sit here till you do something. We shall have a picnic in your nice warm office."

They sorted something out, at least temporarily.

zdt

My friends are really all mental patients, they blame me for it!
Scousers are similar to Brummies, they wait until Saturday afternoon when the shop is full and then complain. Stores cough up cos it's better than losing sales.