h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Two Irishmen in London looking for work were strolling down Oxford Street.

After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you have a look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive, but that shop is as cheap as chips!"

Murphy says: "Paddy you're right, so you are, will you have a look at that. "Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00". I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."

Paddy is in total agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and Duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're going to export them and make our fortune, so he won't."

Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got an idea! Out of the pair of us, you can do the best English accent. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."

"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking; you just stand there and look English."

So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where the owner greets Paddy politely. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Cockney impression:

"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of 'Strides'. And if yer don't mind, I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'.

On hearing this, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish, aren't you?"

Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be'Jesus. Mary Mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent. How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"

The Owner replies: "This is a Dry Cleaners".

That's pretty damned offensive to Irish people.

Good joke though

*Total Disclaimer*

I am going to change my Intro Page

no offence intended.

Irish knock knock.

knock knock!
who's there?
John!
John who?
Bert Lancaster.