h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm confused. A man i know pinned me up against the wall, arms either side so I couldn't escape. Another time he caught hold of my hands and wouldn't let them go, though i tried to escape. Yet another time he asked me to help hang his exhibition, very directly, eyes on me intently. I took all this to mean that he was attracted to me and would like to start a relationship.He also mowed my lawn anonymously, and another time said "i do care about you" Whether he meant personally or as a member of the human race i don't know. I liked him, but he is attached. He now says that I misinterpreted these things. I'd be interested to know if others think I got it wrong. I believe despite it all that he's a nice bloke. Did I get it wrong?
If I didn't get it wrong, does that mean that he's a bit of a sod?

I would be concerned if someone was physically restraining someone, it doesn't sound right to me. It depends on circumstances of course, but it sounds odd to me.

Welcome to h2g2. I've left a message on your Personal Space which should help you find your way about.

I'm with Strangely here: I'd be very worried about somebody who'd physically restrain me. That's not the way to start a relationship, it's not even something that should be done in an existing relationship.

Thank you for your speedy reply. I'm English and live in Australia. The fellow in question moved in over the road some years ago, with his girlfriend. I thought they seemed nice and struck up an aquaintance. I became friendlier with him, and got a feeling of rapport. Some nice flashes between us. I was vaguely aware that he was someone I could become attracted to, and was very slightly on guard against such a thing occuring, because he was partnered. I did begin to notice though that if both I aand his girlfriend were there he would be far less friendly to me, or go off, or barely acknowledge me. I wondered if he was anticipating that his g/f might be jealous , I doubted that she would be, as I am older, fatter etc, but I thought he might think that.
Then all these incidents occured, The pinning up occured on my verandah, he had a good look round first to see that no one was watching. I absolutely dismissed the whole thing, one quick passing thought, "Maybe he 'likes me' and then I just refused to think about it. Next thing the lawn mowing, I saw him out the window, all I thought was, he's being kind,feels sorry for me / or is he being a bit presumptious. Didn't think maybe he likes me?.
Next the hand grabbing, at night out in the street, he was talking about punishing children, he accompanied the hand holding with " not with the hands, (hitting children)hands are for love".(he's got a rather shmaltzy turn of phrase) His g/f was away. He had a good look round to see that no neighbours were about.and I tried to extract my hands, but couldn't. Eventually I got away. About a week later I discovered his g/f was being "nasty" to him, her words, to me, within his hearing. I didn't know her well enough for her to say that to me.
and then other things. My feeling was that he "liked" me, and that because his g/f was giving him a hard time, he thought he might try his luck with me.
Then this chatting up all stopped, but I had become smitten. I think he and the g/f had decided to work out their problems. It went on for a couple of months. Then he started avoiding me, eventually I saw him and had a chat in a shop, and he was really nasty and rude. I took this to mean "Bugger off", so I did. and became disdainful towards him. His reaction was to start hanging around my car, tryng to be helpful, giving me pleading looks etc.
That's all past now, but he is saying now that I misinterpreted him.
He is very obviously a "good" man. does charitable works, professes a love for humanity. But I cannot help but wonder if that's not a good way to disguise things, - cover up the old hypocricy. Do you think I misinterpreted all this? This is a problem for me, as I get worried about doubting my own thoughts. What I really want confirmed in my mind, is the idea that pinning someone up against a wall, and holding their hands is body language for communicating attraction. Sorry if this is long and boring, but i could do with someone elses' viewpoint. It would be greatly appreciated, many thanks

Well, I think I'd have interpreted this the same way you did.
Still, I'd hate to be pinned against a wall, or having my hands held that way, I think it's scary.

I think your interpretation is pretty sensible. This guy sounds like an idiot, he's not worth it.

Many thanks for your views. I think he was 'hedging his bets'. Rotten way to view relationships.

I certainly think it is all a bit odd, doing good works and being charitable means nothing, it is what happens away from public gaze that matters. To be honest I think you deserve better than this bloke.

Thanks, I think you're right about the good works versus the under cover stuff, but I just can't quite understand that two-sidedness. Is it a sort of persona type thing do you reckon? I just wonder, well did I get it wrong, and was I getting love confused with love for humanity. But then there's the wall pinning...

or, what I mean to say is,does he communicate general world love in an inapropriate way. I think(?) he might be abit niave. Comes from somewhere remote, but is old enough to have figured it out. Or is the ambiguity deliberate?

I've got to get to bed, it's nearly 2.0 here. Thanks for your help. I get a bit obsessed trying to sort these problems out. Any more views would be gratefully received. I can't unburden myself to locals as it's a small gossipy town, and news rushes through it like a zephyr. I really like this site, I think it's the first time i've been in a chat room. I've had a look round, and i'll be submiting stories and pics. This is a refuge, where people are sensible and interesting. Quelle relief! Real humans, not talking trendy rubbish. See you soon.

If you ask me his isn't naive, someone who checks to make sure others aren't watching is cunning and if you were to go out with someone like him how would you know he isn't dong exactly the same thing to you?.

I really don't know too much about this sort of stuff but the guy sounds kinda creepy to me.

Hello Everybody, I've had an idea. Do you think it would be really nasty, low-down, mean, if I e-mailed my "friend" this conversation, together with the suggestion that his girlfriend might find it interesting reading? It's awfully tempting... What do you think? I'll put it to the vote.

I don't know. To be honest, you might be better off just ignoring him altogether and trying to move on.

Yes, but revenge would be so sweet. It's hard to move on with him just over the road, and he needs to know that there are better ways to behave in the future, you know, with others. Would I be sinking to his level? Don't you think that maybe I deserve some fun out of this?

From what you have been saying about him forcibly holding your arms he doesn't sound like the sort of person to mess with as might do something agressive if messed with. As already said move on and someone who is nice and unattached.

Part of what irritated me about all this was that at the time when this started I was really happily single. Really enjoying my independence, not looking for anybody then or in the future. I'd been like that for a few years and he comes along and messes it up. He's not really aggresive, his hands were on the wall behind me, I was just caught! He's a mime artist, so surely he must understand, body-language. I'm just feeling really hurt, and angry and messed up by it all.

I think revenge would be fun but inadvisable. As I said I don't know a ton about relationships but as long as there are no legal safety or moral issues I would suggest tiring to establish some sort of record that would make it clear what is going on so that if something does go bad it won't be a your word vs his word thing. I doubt this is going to turn violent or worse litigational but it pays to be prepared. I also tenativly suggest talking things out with him in person or in a way that leaves a paper trail.