Tommy Trinkerlumpton

Tommy Trinkerlumpton had a date with Lucy Lee


And so it was he had a bath directly after tea


He washed behind his ears, scrubbed his knees and cleaned his teeth


All sorts of things were brushed from his above and underneath


His hair was smoothly parted down the middle of his head


'cos that's how women like it , so his mother always said


Underneath his nails there wasn't any sign of dirt


As in clean underpants he tucked a freshly ironed shirt


His mum inspected him and not a hair was out of place


She spat upon a handkerchief and rubbed it on his face


And once he'd had his chin wiped he was off into the night


She watched him from the doorstep and hoped he'd be alright

Well Tommy met Miss Lucy Lee and took her to the pub


He had a couple of pints and then he thought he'd have some grub


So off he went for dinner somewhere posh he thought would do


A curry house in town, perhaps a veggie vindaloo


He'd ordered second helpings and another glass of red


When a sense of something missing wafted vaguely through his head


Then the sense something missing smacked him soundly with a club


Because he'd left his date Miss Lucy Lee behind him in the pub


Well he wasn't one to panic, he never was that kind


Heavens no, the very thought of it had never crossed his mind


But the problem he was facing as I'm sure you understand


Was Miss Lucy Lee or seconds, it was more than he could stand

Tormented by the thought that having ordered, better wait


He was torn between his dinner and what was left of his date


So twenty minutes later when he'd finished off his grub


Tommy tipped the waiter nothing and went back into the pub


Where he tried to play it cool like he had only stepped outside


For a second but the vindaloo suggested that he'd lied


And the evidence on which his former dinner based its case


Was the sauce upon the front of Tommy's shirt and tie and face


Found guilty by his vindaloo, embarrassed by his crime


He apologized for leaving her alone so long a time


But Lucy hadn't noticed as she'd gone to make a call


And had spent the last two hours on her mobile in the hall

Well they left the pub together, but not for very long


'Cos Tommy's bus the number forty two then came along


He jumped aboard as nimbly as a nimble jumping sprite


And he left behind Miss Lucy for the second time tonight


But once again she failed to note his absence from her side


Or his absence from her mind because her mind was occupied


She was typing out a message on her little mobile phone


A quick note to her mother saying she was coming home


And by the time it bleeped and said "Your message has been sent"


The bus, with Tommy on it, was halfway to where it went


As mother tucked him in that night and kissed his curried cheek


He resolved to have his dinner the same time, same place, next week

The Snockerty Friddle™